6 Things That When You Do You Can Be Great at Conversations

The skills that make one better at conversations

A conversation is a two-way affair. Not one. Not three.

Which means it always involves two parties. The parties could be two individuals or groups. Or could even be more people. But so far as there’s a topic and coming from one party with the hope of hearing others' preposition on it, whenever one is sharing their sentiment on the subject, it remains a two-way thing — given and receiving.

And whenever there’s a conversation going on between people, the way an individual conducts themselves speaks volumes about them and dramatically affects the conversation.

Meaning our attitudes, mannerisms, and body language affect what we say concerning our conversations with people. And by it, we can be told to be great at talks or not.

So to tell if we’re great at conversations or not, let’s look at the six things that when you do as an individual, it shows that you’re great or could be at talks.

Listen to understand and not to reply

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” — Stephen R. Covey

As every conversation is a two-way affair, whenever an individual is talking with you, they aim to carry a message to you, clarify something or let you know what and how they’re feeling.

Therefore, making this affair a genuine one requires listening to understand. And because most people have no idea about this, they fail to give their ears to get the meaning behind the other party's words.

They focus on what they would have to say to the other party instead of grabbing the meaning behind the talk.

They miss the meaning behind the message and always get it wrong when they have to say something or give an opinion.

But a good conversationalist doesn't do this when talking to people. They know that understanding the message is critical to the words. They pay all their attention to grabbing the nuances of the message than anything else in the conversation.

Don’t think while the individual is talking

“Nothing compares to a beautiful conversation with a beautiful mind.” — Anonymous

Nothing in this world breaks the confidence people have in you while talking to you and realizing your mind isn’t on them.

It makes them feel they aren’t worthy of you. And talking to you is a waste of time and energy.

Therefore, to let the other person feel important and care about them, you have to give them your utmost attention.

You must look them in the eyes, a nod to what they’re saying, and go with the flow of the conversation without breaking off. As when you do this, it shows the other party you care about them and what they are telling you, and you’re interested in the conversation.

Avoid interruption in conversations

“There cannot be greater rudeness than to interrupt another in the current of his discourse.” — John Locke

People who are great at conversations never interrupt when someone is talking to them. They know that to get the message clearly and understand the conversation context, they have to pay attention to the other party.

So they keep their mouth shut and listen attentively. But never forgetting doubts and where they seem to find omissions and need questioning.

This attitude gives way for them to get every bit of information in the other party's head to interrogate and offer constructive and well-meaning prepositions if they are required. Aside from that, they know that it’s not a good habit to be cutting someone when they are speaking with you and doesn’t make great conversations. So they avoid interruption at all costs.

Show empathy to the other party

“Empathy is simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of you’re not alone.” — Brené Brown

For people to talk or share information with you means they trust you.

Whenever an individual is talking to you about something — Perhaps what they're going through, because they believe by talking to you could ease the pain or their emotional trauma, you disappoint and hurt them more if you don’t see things from their perspective.

To let them know you care and feel their pain, you have to express it in the conversation. And that’s what great conversationalists do. They put themselves in the other party's shoes and let them know that they understand what they're going through, console them, and offer solutions to their problems. By this, they develop trust between the two parties, make the individual feel better than earlier, and make others believe that they have a good heart for people and can be trusted.

Question and clarify statements

“Everything we know has its origins in questions. Questions, we might say, are the principal intellectual instruments available to human beings.” — Neil Postman

In as much as listening attentively and not interrupting people when they’re having talks with you is a great trait, asking questions to clarify what they say makes them feel good. And the reason is that doing so makes them think you’re interested in what they’re saying to you.

It makes them feel connected to you and spill everything they have to say.

For example, if you say something and I didn’t hear you right in a conversation and ask about it, How would you feel?

Great, right. Because with that attitude, you’ll find me interesting and as someone who wants to understand the context of what you’re saying. You’ll be confident to open up with every detail.

And when this happens in conversations, it brings out every detail that could otherwise miss. The individual will feel tremendous and possibly thank you for reminding them of such information.

Offer suggestions or solutions as a way of helping out

“Sometimes an outside perspective is the clearer perspective.” — Shannon A. Thompson

As said earlier, when people talk to you about things because they believe they could find solutions to what they are going through, offering suggestions to help out makes you a better conversationalist. It’s proof that you listened to what they shared with you, and you care.

Therefore, by doing that, not only would they feel you’re trying to help them but would also have the perception that you are someone they can come to when in need of solutions to their problems. And it’ll benefit both parties by such confidence and credibility. Because as the individual shares their concerns with you and you try to offer solutions, you enhance your problem-solving ability and establish yourself as an authoritative figure that people can run to when in need, which boosts your confidence as a person at the end of the day.

In conclusion

To be great at conversations, you have to know it’s a skill you have to learn.

And being willing to learn means practicing these steps. With it, people will trust you. You can know and benefit a lot from conversations, and you’ll build authority. As people love it when you hear them, and by doing that, they’ll like and respect you and be willing to have conversations with you every time.

And to finish it, let me leave you with a quote to sum everything all up for you by Theodore Zeldin;

“Conversation is a meeting of minds with different memories and habits. When minds meet, they don’t just exchange facts: they transform them, reshape them, draw different implications from them, engage in new trains of thought. Conversation doesn’t just reshuffle the cards: it creates new cards.”

Thank you for reading.