6 Things That Don’t Completely Suck About Florida Right Now

Summary

Despite the current challenges, including the COVID-19 pandemic and environmental issues, Florida offers several unique attractions such as manatees, the NBA's presence, quirky "Florida Man" stories, beautiful beaches, space launches, and the reopening of Disney World, providing some positivity for its residents.

Abstract

The article presents a light-hearted perspective on the current situation in Florida, acknowledging the state's struggles with the COVID-19 pandemic and environmental concerns affecting manatees. However, it also highlights several aspects of Florida life that remain appealing, such as the presence of manatees, the NBA's decision to continue its season in Orlando, the entertainment value of "Florida Man" headlines, the appeal of less crowded beaches, the excitement of space launches from Kennedy Space Center, and the reopening of Disney World with safety measures in place. The author suggests that despite the state's challenges, these features offer a glimmer of hope and enjoyment for Flor

Pour one out for the Sunshine State.

It is a secret to exactly no one that Florida is little more than a dystopian hellscape at the best of times. Unfortunately, it takes only a quick Google search or a cursory glance at any news source to see that we are not, in fact, living in the best of times right now.

But, even amidst skyrocketing COVID-19 case numbers and a governor whose fingers seem to be digging deeper into his ears as his cries of “LA LA LA CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER HOW WELL THE ECONOMY IS DOING LA LA LA” grow steadily louder, it’s really not all bad. After all, there has to be some reason that 21.67 million people live in this godforsaken swamp, right?

1. Manatees still live here.

Y’all, this is at least 75% of why I moved to Florida in the first place. Manatees are so good. They are giant sweet ocean mammals with faces like cartoon puppies that float around eating any plant that crosses their path. Of course, this is actually another thing that is being ruined by the coronavirus, as many conservation efforts have been interrupted by the pandemic, resulting in unusually high death rates this season. But thousands of these perfect creatures do still call this state home, and as long as they aren’t abandoning ship there is some hope.

Seriously, look at these absolute nuggets. Photo by NOAA on Unsplash

2. The entire NBA is here right now.

Seriously! The NBA is in Orlando holding training camp before they kickoff their restart schedule on July 30th at the ESPN Wide World of Sports complex. All 22 teams are implementing regular COVID testing and there have been some confirmed cases within the NBA bubble, but so far the season is still scheduled to pick back up at the end of the month. There’s always a possibility that those plans could change, but for now just let us have this one.

4. Our beaches are the bomb.

In a normal summer, native Floridians wouldn’t even consider going to the beach given the opportunity. Florida summers are gross, most days reaching the mid to upper 90’s with humidity levels consistently over 85%. Add thousands of tourists with no idea how to handle the intense heat, and an almost constant chance of heavy thunderstorms into the mix, and we’re good just staying home and going to the pool if it’s an option. But with almost no tourists, more and more of us are venturing out of the houses we’ve spent months cooped up in to splash in the waves for a few hours.

And while there was plenty of news coverage about crowded beaches when they reopened back in April (arguably the most beautiful month of the year for the state), generally it’s not hard to maintain social distancing in these environments. For a state full of overheated and unemployed residents, it’s not the worst option.

5. SPACE.

Guys, space still exists, and there are people still going there. Many of these missions launch from Kennedy Space Center in Port Canaveral, and if you’re lucky (and up early enough), you can often catch a glimpse of a rocket launch from almost anywhere in the central part of the state. It’s a nice reminder that, no matter how bad things get on Earth, there’s still a chance that someday we can make Star Trek a reality.

6. When in doubt, we’ve still got Disney

Was it a good idea for Disney World to reopen in the middle of a global pandemic? Probably not. But it did, and by all accounts it’s really not too bad. Social distancing is remaining mostly intact, there are hand washing stations everywhere you turn, and people seem to be actually respecting the mask mandate. It’s not ideal, but at least there is some type of constant that can be depended on in this ridiculous state. And let’s be very honest here, we are REALLY going to need the International Food and Wine Festival when it (hopefully) starts up in September. Now, whether or not anyone can actually get into the park with such limited capacity? Well, I guess we’ll see how it goes.

Would I suggest traveling to Florida right now? No. Seriously, no. If you’re thinking about it, just don’t. That would be a monumentally bad idea that you may or may not live to regret. But, for those of us who are stuck here, at least there are a few silver linings to this Category 5 poop hurricane barraging us from within.