6 Things Men “Really” Wish They’d Done Differently
200k men reveal life-altering mistakes (and how to dodge them)
There are three types of people:
- One who learns from others’ mistakes or advice.
- Second are the ones who learn after making a mistake once.
- Third, the people who take years to learn something and have made the same mistakes repeatedly.
Smart people learn from others, average people learn from their mistakes, and oblivious people learn after making the same mistake repeatedly.
The people in the third category can be the best teachers. They’ve learned the hard way what not to do. They can help you avoid those same mistakes.
A few days ago, I stumbled upon a goldmine. It was an Instagram post that asked men to name their biggest regrets. The goal was to save boys who were still young from making the same mistakes as them.
This viral reel received almost 200k comments, and it’s not surprising as these are from men from all three categories — smart, average, and oblivious.
I went through the comment section for hours and found that most men had the same regrets. Among all the comments, I found some real gems that not only mirrored my own journey but also resonated deeply with every single man in the comment section.
I have compiled these time-tested tips to help people avoid regrets down the road. This guide can be your roadmap to a fulfilling life.
Here are 6 top tips for helping you avoid unnecessary bumps along the way:
1. Short-Term Solutions Create Long-Term Problems
I understand why experienced men advise to never touch alcohol to cope with stress.
I have seen a few of my relatives going mad in the name of drinks. I recall a disturbing incident where immediately after the funeral of a young boy; they decided to have a party because one of them had liquor stocked up.
How strong does the addiction need to be to drink right after such a terrible incident? And such adults demand respect just because they are adults.
But thanks to my father, I have never even tasted alcohol. He established at a very young age that alcohol is harmful. So, I carried it with me.
Later, during my teenage years, a close friend of mine was throwing a birthday party. During the party, I met one of his friends who was a severe addict. He was about 5 years older than me.
We were having a conversation when I mentioned I don’t drink. I don’t know what I was expecting him to say, but I was a little shocked when he firmly advised me against drinking.
I am grateful, as his advice reinforced my existing belief.
This belief was reinforced repeatedly as I grew up when I saw people who have a drinking habit losing control in places where liquor is available.
People often say that you live only once, when are you going to grow up, and you should experience everything in life. And if someone says the same thing to you, tell them this…
“Life’s much more than getting drunk. I know about addictions. They are all the same. You don’t have to experience each of them to know it’s just about losing control of your mind. I try to be among people who learn from other’s mistakes.”
And when they repeat, “No, you must have all the experiences.”
You can say what you feel like, but I use a dialogue used by the people of Haryana when they cannot win an argument, “Go eat cow dung, it’s an experience.”
And if you cannot make this joke when your friends force you to drink in the name of friendship, you can always ask them back to not drink. It’s not solely your job to maintain the friendship. They can also choose to sacrifice a bad habit.
Remember, people forcing you to drink want to bring you down to their level. So, take advice from your elder brother and do not touch alcohol.
Drinking doesn’t make you happy or make your problems disappear. It just numbs your mind and makes you forget your problems for a while. But to do well in life, you can’t just ignore your problems. You have to solve them.
Because:
Ignorance is not a bliss but a curse in disguise.
I am not even mentioning the medical implications of alcohol to keep things concise, but I cannot ignore the WHO’s announcement — No level of alcohol consumption is safe for our health.
Alcohol has been classified as a Group 1 carcinogen by the International Agency for Research on Cancer decades ago.
Dr Carina Ferreira-Borges explained it further in the same article:
“We cannot talk about a so-called safe level of alcohol use. It doesn’t matter how much you drink — the risk to the drinker’s health starts from the first drop of any alcoholic beverage.”
2. Don’t Lose Yourself Trying to Be Everything For Her
Before finding my wife, I had several failed relationships. At that time, I thought they were perfect for me, but I was wrong. If I had married any of those women, my life would have been tough.
Sometimes, you feel a connection with someone, but you only truly understand if the relationship will work out when you spend time with them. It’s things like traveling together, living together, learning about their religious and cultural beliefs, and dealing with money matters that show how compatible you are with your partner.
If you need to decide whether to spend the rest of your life with someone, give it time.
Focus on personal growth between the ages of 15 and 25. Grow physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially. This way, you’re more likely to attract a partner who’s a good match for you.
But finding the right partner doesn’t mean you won’t have to work on the relationship. There will always be small things to tackle, even if your values are aligned. And with the right person, such efforts do not drain you.
From my own experiences, I’ve also learned that the right woman will appreciate you for who you are. And if you find yourself constantly trying to force a relationship, it’s likely to end, leaving you regretting the wasted time.
Bonus tip — If you start fighting 7 days after getting into a relationship, it’s not likely to last 7 years.
3. A Moment Missed Is a Moment Lost
We get unconditional love only from a few people in our lives and parents are always on top of that list. After that, it’s your partner and your children until they get busy in their own life.
My father had some toxic traits, and I still feel the impact of his behavior on my character. But I can’t imagine another man who would go to such lengths for me and be genuinely thrilled to see me achieve great things.
We all worry about our parents’ health and want to give them the best of everything. We want to make them proud and wish we had more money or better opportunities to make their lives easier.
But we forget that what they need the most is our time, not our resources. What they cherish most is the simple act of sitting down with you and having a conversation, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day.
This is one of the biggest regrets of men in their 30s and 40s. We all get so busy in life that we forget our parents are getting old. And one day when you will look up to your busy life and they won’t be there anymore.
You would not have people who love you unconditionally once your parents are gone.
So, talk to them, ask questions about their lives, and hear them joyfully narrate their experiences from their youth again and again, even if you’ve heard them before.
Here are some questions you may want to ask your parents before it’s too late:
- What are some of your fondest memories from your childhood?
- What were your dreams and aspirations when you were my age?
- What was the most challenging experience you faced while raising me?
- Is there anything you’ve always wanted to do but never had the chance to do?
- Can you tell me more about your parents and grandparents?
- Are there any regrets or things you wish you had done differently in life?
- What legacy do you hope to leave behind for future generations of our family?
And if your parents were cruel, and you have cut all ties with them, then spend your time with the people you love. People who were always there for you.
4. When the Mind Turns Against Itself
As Tyrion Lannister once said:
“Death Is So Final, Whereas Life Is Full Of Possibilities.”
People who were once suicidal or have dealt with a family member committing suicide advise that it’s never the solution.
I have yet to find a single person who can tell me they never considered taking their lives at some point. And when I ask them if they regret not going through with it, no one has ever said, “No, I should have done it.”
Everyone’s life gets tough at some point. But suicide is never an answer because this is the thing about bad times — they pass.
As Steve Jobs said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward.”
I agree with his philosophy because it’s only when you endure those tough times without giving up that you realize life has many opportunities waiting for you.
If you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts and feel you have nobody to turn to, please reach out to me, or anyone, but be open about what you’re going through.
5. Holding On vs. Letting Go
Seneca once said, “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”
My wife is like that. She overthinks everything and she’ll have imaginary conversations in her mind with people who wronged her in any way. It’s hard for her to let go, to forget.
And she’s not the only one who does that. I know a lot of people who are struggling to learn how to let go. And if you are one of them, you must remind yourself constantly to let go of the things that weigh you down or anchor you to the past.
Don’t cling to something whose existence is limited to your mind.
It could be a relationship, a breakup, the death of a loved one, getting a specific job, or taking admission into one particular college or university.
It’s okay to be sad for a while, but it always takes some convincing to prepare your mind for the future.
Life has a lot more to offer, but you have to let go of the past.
If you’re holding the past in your present, your future will suffer because the present is the birthplace of future possibilities.
6. More Than Just a Bad Habit
Porn is one of the worst addictions. It ruins your physical and mental health, self-confidence, and self-esteem. You also lose all sense of worth.
This is the advice that many men would want to give to young boys. It’s the same as alcohol. If you never do it, it’ll never bother you.
But if it’s already an addiction, get rid of it. Because…
Feeding the addiction will never satisfy the urge, it’ll only strengthen the addiction.
And the more you do it, the more you want it and it becomes a vicious cycle to get out of.
People who watch porn confess that initially, they used to get excited by simple sexual videos, but later they wanted something more exotic, so they turn to violent forms of pornography and it doesn’t stop there.
They always want and look for something new and that’s how someone could slowly become a pedophile because the same content is never enough to satisfy their senses.
Remember:
- You can not listen to the same song your whole life even if it’s your favorite.
- You cannot get motivated by one quote for your whole life, no matter how strong the quote is.
- You cannot choose one thing to eat every day for your whole life.
It’s not possible to confine our sense organs to one thing. Porn addiction will always progress to harmful and sometimes illegal stuff.
Get rid of it as soon as you can.
Focus on personal growth. It’s the only thing that gives lasting satisfaction. Here are a few things you can try to get rid of this addiction:
- Workout every single day
- Do breathing exercises every day without missing
- Eat clean and nutritious vegetarian food
- Read good books to strengthen your mind
- Control all small urges to handle the big ones efficiently
- Delete Instagram / TikTok or any means that can trigger this addiction
- Find people who have the same goals
- Oppose the urge
And lastly, remember the Japanese proverb:
“Nana korobi, ya oki” — Fall seven times, get up eight.
Summary
- Avoid using alcohol as a coping mechanism for stress.
- Take time to find the right partner and focus on personal growth.
- Spend quality time with your parents while you can.
- Suicide is never a solution, life is full of possibilities.
- Learn to let go and move forward.
- Avoid porn addiction for mental and physical health.