6 Things I Stopped Doing to Enjoy My Life 100X More
If your life seems bleak right now, you might need to consider stopping these too.
I had enough.
I was making myself miserable trying to fit into a mould that clearly wasn’t meant for me.
So I stopped trying, and I dedicated myself to make changes. Specifically, these changes.
1. I stopped expecting to be saved
It’s the classic script. Especially if you’re a woman.
“Everything will be alright, someone will come to save you. Someone will give you a job, someone will love you, someone will give you a break.”
No.
You can’t operate from this perspective ever again. You’re the only one who cares enough about you to save your butt.
2. I stopped looking for love
Every novel, film and TV show I was watching was centred around this idea : you can’t be complete until you find your one true love.
Aw. No.
We got it backwards with our obsession with dating and romantic stuff. And truth is, it’s getting in the way of our happiness.
We’re so busy trying to seduce someone else into loving us that we don’t even think about what WE love.
Love is not something you look for, it’s something you find when you try to make friends. Maybe. One day.
And really, it doesn’t matter. There are a ton of more interesting things to do in the world than smooching a boo.
3. I stopped following the good script
I was a good girl. Quiet, polite, respectful, no-waves-girl. I was smiling it through while life was biting me in the ass.
This is not a woman thing. You might be a good boy.
No more.
Do what you want to do for a change. Don’t smile at strangers when you don’t feel like it. Ask for what you want. Raise your voice when someone pisses you off.
And never, ever, say yes when you mean no.
4. I stopped looking for a job
This one’s personal. I was treating the job market like a maiden would treat a suitable man in the 1850s. Waiting for a proposal looking pretty.
Ugh. No.
If I can’t find a “suitable position”, I’ll just create my own role. And keep building up the projects I’m excited about.
Then maybe, if something catches my eyes, I’ll pay some attention to it.
5. I stopped trying to ‘make it’
Become a top human. Part of the 1%. A doctor, a lawyer, or something easy to explain at the dinner table.
Thank you, but no.
I’ll just be me, striving for better on my own agenda, and I’ll be the one defining what ‘making it’ means. If ever I do. Because right now, I’m too busy following stuff I find cool.
And if I have to confuse people explaining what I do at a party, so be it. Not like I’m attending many parties anyway.
6. I stopped trying to be normal.
Questions I used to think about before bed :
- How much reading is normal?
- How short can a dress be before other people find it too short?
- What’s the earliest acceptable time to leave this party I didn’t want to go to?
Nope. We’re not doing that any more.
There is no normal. There is only what most people do, and what I want to do. And guess which option I’m going to take now?
Yep.
The good thing, when you stop doing so many things, is that you have time to do these more important things that will improve your life.
1. I started to ask the questions I wanted to ask
How do you write a bestseller? What makes people buy stuff they don’t need? Why is the sky blue? What is the most awesome animal? Who was Kim K’s famous equivalent in the 1800’s?
My driver is my curiosity. I can’t stop learning about all sorts of things. And it’s treating me well.
2. I started to take a hard look at my behaviour
We’re getting in our own way. And I sure as hell was.
I didn’t really like what I saw in myself at first :
- internalised misogyny
- silently judging anything that didn’t fit my personal little world
- pleasing others, especially people I was told to respect above all other beings
- putting my own instincts and reflexes down
Good news is, once you know, you can do something about it.
3. I started to take a genuine interest in other people
You can live all your life respecting other people because someone told you so, all the while being awfully mean to them by not even really looking at them.
I call it: operating from ‘a respectful disrespect’.
And let tell you, when you start to truly see people, you start to truly love some of them. And when you truly love people, good things happen.
4. I started respecting myself
You can pretend to respect yourself by adhering to the good script. You can pretend that ‘being a good person because you don’t do bad things’ is respecting yourself enough.
It’s not.
There’s someone inside you I’d like you to meet. They’re awesome. They have interesting things to say. They have great taste. And they can take you far.
It’s time you meet yourself for real, and time you start showing this person inside you more respect by listening to them.
6 things I stopped doing to become a happier person :
- Stopped waiting to be saved
- Stopped looking for love
- Stopped follow the good girl script
- Stopped looking for a job
- Stopped trying to ‘make it’
- Stopping trying to get to what normal is
4 things I start doing to become a happier person :
- started asking questions I wanted to ask
- Started to take a hard look at my behaviour
- Started to take a genuine interest in people
- Started respecting myself
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