6 Signs You Are Instinctively Holding Yourself Back
These destructive habits could be keeping you from a happy life.
No one likes being criticized, rejected or shamed, but there are people who spend their lives affording it.
Our personality is the way we think and feel and it is what differentiates us from others. However, our personality is influenced by our experiences, environment and genes.
Personality disorder, on the other hand, is when our feelings, our thoughts, and our behavior deviate from cultural expectations, functions or behaviors.
People with a personality disorder have trouble relating to other people and situations and they never believe they have an unhealthy pattern of thought.
It is difficult to know if a person has a personality disorder or not. Generally, you will need to maintain multiple interactions in different areas of their life- how they associate with their friends, colleagues, course mates, etc. to identify the type of personality disorder they have.
You will also need careful observation of their perception of how others see them. Do they feel anxious or do they feel inadequate?
Why you might be holding back from life or love
Sometimes we feel stuck in life. We can’t keep down a relationship or job. We feel like failures, then we blame it on people or something. The truth is, how you feel might be because of a mental illness.
Avoidant personality is a type of personality disorder with long-term consequences. People who suffer from avoidant personality disorders have chronic feelings of insufficiency and are very sensitive to negative criticisms of other people.
Although they wish to communicate with others, they tend to prevent social interaction due to the intense fear of being rejected.
The fear of rejection is so strong that they choose isolation rather than being rejected in a relationship. If you do not know if you have an avoidant personality or not, here are signs to help you better understand your personality.
You avoid occupational activities
People with avoidant personality choose interpersonal interaction to avoid screwing up or criticism at work and it’s rare to find jobs with less human interaction which means people with personality disorders are limiting their chances of a better job.
They will also do their best to avoid promotions, transfers, or any advanced movement to promote your career. This can harm them in many aspects, including lower income, employment security, and employment growth.
You don’t get involved with people
People with avoidant personality act like children. They do not enter a conversation unless they are sure that they will be accepted. They hesitate to speak for themselves, otherwise, they will be ridiculed or humiliated.
They avoid intimate relationships because they are afraid of being judged or embarrassed by their partner.
When intimacy increases, they express avoidant patterns and engage in distancing tactics out of discomfort. This makes it tricky for them to date as the process of knowing and trusting potential partners is marked by fear, confusion, and rejection.
You do not offer a public opinion
People with avoidant personality are reluctant to take risks or engage in activities that might result in embarrassment. Hence they hate getting in front of people (whether small or big audiences) to express their opinion.
When you get to the scene to talk, your heart beats faster, your palm perspiration, and your breathing is stiff.
The problem with this type of fear is that no one cares how you feel. Your audience wants to get something out of your lecture, presentation, or speech. They want their time to be well spent.
To overcome your fears of public speaking, practice in front of people. If you practice alone, you won’t have a chance to adjust to that embarrassing feelings.
You feel inadequate
I once asked an acquaintance what she does for a living, and she felt awkward about the question. She’s a nurse at a penitentiary but she says she never tells anyone because they might make fun of her.
People with avoidant personalities view themselves as not being good enough or socially incompetent. You feel uncomfortable with people. You focus on your failure and avoid intimate relationships.
When they are afraid, upset, or anxious, they will disconnect from their partner and do their own thing, like working, using their computer, cleaning, or exercising.
You criticize yourself because you have no social skills
Some people can manage their own emotions, recognize those of other people and manage them both effectively by socializing. However, people with avoidant personality lack these social skills.
They have a low self-image and a feeling of insufficiency, especially when they meet new people. They feel awkward, unattractive and inferior.
You may notice that they are calm and shy and try to disappear because they tend to think that if they say something, others will say that it is wrong.
The lack of social skills can lead to problems with relationships, depression, anxiety and sedentary life.
Final thoughts
An avoidant personality disorder is a more complicated mental illness because they do not go and come.
Unfortunately, there is no remedy or treatment that cures this personality disorder completely. Instead, treatment aims to manage it.
Certain signs of avoidant personality include the restriction of social situations, avoiding social contacts and activities, and avoiding career promotion opportunities.
Subsequently, avoiding intimacy in close or romantic relationships, interpersonal attachments, and intimate sexual relationships are also traits of avoidant personality.
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