6 Quotes From Mark Manson On How To Hate Yourself A Little Less

“Self hatred is just part of the human condition”

“Self hatred is just part of the human condition”

I hate myself most of the time.

It feels good to get that out there.

I’ve kept that a secret for a long time. Nobody knows how much I quietly loathe myself except me. I’m ashamed of my self-hatred. After all, I have what most people would consider “The American Dream”. It’s not that I hate my life but a picture perfect life doesn’t mean much when you’re internally struggling. I’ve always felt like there was something wrong with me; like I’m inherently damaged in some way. No matter how well my life turned out, I still can’t be grateful for what I have.

It’s a lonely feeling, one that I haven’t been able to express or conquer.

But after reading that quote, I’ve realized that there will always be a part of our lives that we hate, not matter how great our circumstances. We’re hardwired to loathe some part of our lives because that self-hatred is what makes us want to grow as a person.

Wallowing in the hatred won’t make us become better people (this doesn’t include those who are clinically depressed). Wallowing and thinking that there’s something wrong with you will only result in even more self-loathing. This reminder that we’re all inherently flawed and how natural it is to hate these flaws has helped me stop this vicious cycle. The key is to pinpoint the reason behind the hate so I can fix it and grow from it.

“Your self-love is not proportional to how you feel about your successes; your self-love is how you feel about your failures.”

You may be over the moon when you succeed a life long dream but it’s how you feel about your past failures that will determine how you move forward.

I drag myself through the mud with every mistake I make. If I put too much salt in my cooking, I feel the need to apologize profusely.

If you find that you hate yourself, it’s likely because you’ve let your failures define who you are and who you could become.

“Your brain sucks and it can’t be trusted.”

The brain does crazy things. The brain can make you believe horrible things about yourself. It can distort reality, make you fear for your life when nothing is chasing you, and make you hate or love yourself in unhealthy ways.

Your brain can become your own worst enemy. Those thoughts only end up manifesting into an unrealistic and unhealthy perspective of yourself. Your brain may have good intentions but never ever trust it, especially when it tells you that you suck.

“The common denominator for all self-hatred is an outsized sense of importance.”

If I can’t change the world then why am I here?

We all have a narcissistic tendency in which we think we’re the most important person on this earth. It’s this type of thinking, believing that everything we do and create needs to change the world that makes us hate ourselves.

Deep in our subconscious, we know that we are but a mere speck in the universe. I know that the world will go on without me. But knowing this doesn’t change the fact that I think my work is almighty and any mistake I make is detrimental.

Putting aside our ego is possibly the best thing we could do for our mental health. Maybe it’s depressing to know that the results from our efforts and creations are minuscule but, on the flip side, there’s freedom in knowing that our huge mistakes aren’t actually going to end the world.

“Forgiving means recognizing that something sucks and still loving someone (or yourself) despite it.”

Takeaway: Love yourself even if you think you suck

There are a lot of things I don’t love about myself or even like. I’m shy, selfish, sort of lazy, and closed off to name a few.

Manson tells me to recognize these faults, forgive them, and decide to love myself anyway, faults and all.

Although I can look past these traits in someone else, it’s very difficult to look past the same traits in myself. But we all have faults. Some of them may stay with us until we die. Do I really want to pity and hate myself until I die?

I mean that could take a few decades (hopefully).

We all have faults. We’re not perfect no matter how hard we try to be. We may resent ourselves for certain traits but that’s what makes us unique. I’ve always put conditions on the love I could give myself. Self-love isn’t about perfection, it’s about accepting ourselves faults and all.

“The goal isn’t to get rid of self-loathing”

We live in a world where optimism and happiness are revered while sadness and anger are emotions that need to be hidden away.

I’ve tried to be perfect my entire life but perfection doesn’t exist. No matter how perfect my life seems, there’s always something I want to fix. Maybe that’s what they call growth.

And that’s a good thing.

If there’s nothing to fix, then I’m not trying to be a better person. The goal isn’t to love everything about me; the goal is to accept myself for who I am and, at the very least, start appreciating the traits that are uniquely me.