6 Products You, An Instagram Influencer, Can Still Hawk to Your Followers

Lockdowns mean nobody wants your silly old teeth whiteners anymore!

Hello, fellow Instagram influencers! Are those sponsorships for trendy clothing, teeth whiteners, and questionable tea all severely decreasing? Well, duh, guys! Everyone’s trapped at home, and nobody cares if their teeth turn brown. Yet we influencers do care when our sales goals are in the red. So what are we, the entrepreneurs that we are, supposed to do?

We keep influencing of course! It’s time to shift your perspective. Put on those rosé colored glasses. You have a whole new suite of products you can show your followers. Here are six trends to jump onto before the second wave of wannabe influencers glut the feeds.

1. Face masks to “detox” your lungs instead of your face

Do they provide any kind of protection? No. Do they look fashionable as heck? You bet! Show your Instagram followers how you can really live in absolute* safety and style with these new face masks in various patterns, colors, and textures. Go bold with a faux-fur option, or play it safe with a fun plaid. There are even a few with safety pins in them so others know you are an ally or something.

*No safety actually guaranteed

2. Skimpy snuggies

While nobody is interested in the latest streetwear, you can certainly make a killing by selling the latest sleepwear.

Snuggies are the must-have fashion item this season as they permit a very hot blurring of the boundaries between sleeping and waking. Did you just wake up? Are you just going to bed? Who knows? It’s 2 pm! Or is it?

Let’s not go crazy though. Time might be uncertain but what qualifies as sexy is not. There’s no need to go fully shapeless. With just a few well-placed holes, you can still show off those spicy quarantine abs because hopefully, you haven’t let your standards slip in these trying times.

3. Proprietary Zoom backgrounds

This is just like selling Lightroom presets, but instead you sell backgrounds for Zoom meetings.

Take a cute snap of yourself laughing on a couch and allow any follower pretend to be virtually hanging out with you in every single one of their Zoom meetings. They follow you because they think it means you’re their friend. Let them get one step closer to that delusion.

Just make sure you hide any evidence of the toilet paper you’ve hoarded. It’s not your fault you have more money and are thus more prepared than the average non-influencer. And the poors have just been so mean of late. Don’t bait them, just give them what they want, as long as it doesn’t take away from the money you’ve worked incredibly hard to earn.

4. Virtual dog club

Everyone knows most millennials live in crappy apartments and can’t afford their own dogs. All your followers used to see puppers and doggos all the time out in the real world!

Now that everyone’s trapped inside, sell them an exclusive subscription of one cute pup pic per month. Heck — maybe even include a picture of potted plants, too, for your green-thumb subscribers. They’ll be so thankful for your thoughtfulness during these troubled times.

5. A cute noisemaker to support the emergency workers

Everyone’s been clapping and whistling to support those on the front lines. Make sure your followers know that you really care by helping them go one step further in showing appreciation. Remember your brand? Why do it one way when there is a bigger way?

With your bulk-bought collection of firecrackers, snapdragons, French horns, and kazoos your followers will see that you really care the most about healthcare workers and those on the frontlines. If anyone asks if you’re donating the money, say you’re saving it for future stock. When one of those haters gets up in arms and suggests you’re profiting off tragedy, remind them that influencing others to live an aspiration lifestyle is really the most essential job of all, and no one is creating a fundraiser for you.

6. Maybe a book?

It’s month 2 of lockdown — people are really desperate for entertainment and your followers have already cranked through all six seasons of Community on Netflix and are hungry for more.

Now that nobody's producing TV or movies anymore, you might have to recommend they read a book, which are still actually being written. Crazy, I know! Even better, write your own book! You’re a content creater. Books are content. How hard can it be?

The pandemic is just a chance for you to hustle harder. More people are scrolling than ever before. Those same people need you to remind them what lifestyle to reach for. Never rest on your laurels or you’ll be left behind. It’s always the perfect time for you to sell yourself along with some stuff on Instagram.

Thanks for reading! Follow Jane Austen’s Wastebasket for daily humor and check out this other story you might like below: