6 Life Lessons Learned From My Wise Elders During an Unlikely Conversation
As I raced to finish editing hoards of voice-over auditions, my brain played its typical Monday game.
Ah, I know I scheduled this zoom, or webinar, or online class, or meeting. But now I’m in the thick of 8 million tasks and regretting it. I curse myself for not canceling earlier and wonder when I’ll learn my lesson to stop scheduling things on Monday afternoon. When undoubtedly this happens every week.
I had signed up for an Unlikely conversation.
It was a free 1-hour online conversation moderated by a coach. I did not know how many people would be there or what the conversation would entail. But according to the website, “you will experience a community to connect deeply with yourself and rediscover what matters to you.”
My day had already been progressing in a positive uptrend. I figured there might be some more magic lurking in the corners, waiting for me to discover it.
I hustled to finish editing, signed on 4 minutes late and buckled up for what became the most vital hour in my day.
52 individuals signed on. My screen was filled with unfamiliar faces of various genders, ethnicities, and ages. Most of the attendees were 50+. We were all sitting in our own corners of the world wondering what of our inner knowledge was about to be uncovered.
Next, I was flooded with gratitude, wisdom, and a renewed sense of why we all crave community and connection.
These badass, brave souls experiencing life with me through a computer screen downright changed my heart.
Below are the nuggets of brilliance shared by my elders in our conversation.
The only limiting beliefs we have are the ones we set for ourselves.
The theme of the 60 minutes was limiting beliefs and how they put us in a “perception box”. We create our own perception box based on the way we see the world. Our safe little bubble to walk through life in. It’s the lens we look through the world at. Our perception box contains the beliefs we hold about ourselves, other people, and the world around us.
We’re wired to live in our perception box because it helps us assess risk for our survival. We want to view something and see if there’s a perceived threat. This helps us manage our expectations, control our levels of fear, and mitigate our stress when meeting challenges.
It also keeps us in our small, safe box. Limited to the information we already know and the beliefs it’s created inside of us.
Most of us rarely connect to what’s outside of our box. But in order to expand our insights and disrupt the limiting beliefs we hold… we must willingly and bravely venture out.
We get to decide if we want to step outside of our perception box and flow with what else is out there. Letting it infiltrate our mind and soul. Disrupting our limiting beliefs and replacing them with a more expansive view of all we thought to be true.
Society has given limiting beliefs to us. So have our family, religion, education, friends, and some are of our very own creation. They do nothing but hinder us in an effort of protection.
The only beliefs that could ever hinder you are the ones you set for yourself and choose to keep believing.
Invite yourself to step outside of your perception box. Invite yourself to disrupt what you thought you knew. Abolish any belief that’s going to limit your life or your brilliance. Never let a belief harness the potential and possibilities of your dreams.
Adopt the “Roger Bannister Way”
Roger Bannister is a British athlete and neurologist who is the first known human to run under a mile in under four minutes. Everyone said it was impossible. Scientists swore it could not be done. And then Roger did it. Proving everyone and himself wrong.
Once Roger proved running a mile in under four minutes was challenging but indeed possible… others believed they could do it. And lo-and-behold… other people started running a mile in under 4 minutes.
Don’t be the person to wait and see if Roger Bannister will achieve something that’s deemed impossible. Be the person willing to disrupt the limiting belief that’s set by science. Do as Roger Bannister would do. Challenge the status quo. Bravely face what’s deemed impossible. Don’t wait for someone else to show you it can be done.
Next time you’re challenged with tackling something outside of your comfort zone… ask yourself… what would Roger Bannister do?
Don’t keep yourself safe and small. Don’t retreat to your comfort cave. Lace up and sprint after what’s deemed impossible.
Try it on until it becomes true.
Even though I hope we will eventually reinvent the term “fake it until you make it”… at least three sassy elders reinforced the worthiness of this phrase. They all acknowledge how it’s helped them show up in moments where they doubted themselves, and it led them to succeed.
You don’t have to feel confidence deep in your bones to still show up and try it on for size. And the more you show up and keep trying it on, the more you’re reinforcing the belief to yourself. The belief that you’re deserving, ready, and are in fact confident in yourself and your capabilities.
By faking it until you make it and trying on confidence in moments when you may not be actually feeling it, you’re reinforcing an inner conversation with yourself that you are confident. The more you keep trying it on, the more it becomes a lived experience, the more it becomes real and resonates with your heart as the truth.
Try on confidence and keep trying it on until you believe it to be true. As much as I hate to say it, fake it til you make it… until you no longer need to fake it.
We all go through the “enough” battle.
Every single one of us has experienced not feeling like we’re enough. Good enough, strong enough, fit enough, healthy enough, smart enough, pretty enough.
One wise man in the group stated that the “enough” battle is something that’s all-consuming. When we’re in a “not enough” spiral, every other challenge and limiting belief we’re presented with is a remix of not feeling like we’re enough. It’s the Voldemort of limiting beliefs. Everyone knows about it, fears it, and whispers of its danger. Yet we all get tempted to dance with it, despite knowing of its destructiveness.
You do not need to “do,” something to be enough. You already are. And in the words of the legend Justin Bieber, “I’m reminded of who I am, not what I do. And it’s just as rewarding to be all that you were designed to be.”
It’s all about who you are, not what you do. That’s the rewarding part of life…. you get an opportunity to be all that you are.
Your life has never been lived before.
The moment you’re living right now… is completely new to you. The next moment same thing. Same with the moment before. And no one else gets to live it but you. You get to choose how you show up in life and meet the present moment.
You get the opportunity to live your one and only life. The one that’s designed just for you. Do not squander your opportunity to show up at this moment as who you know yourself to be and love yourself to be. It’s your one life kid, and it’s begging you to live the crap out of it.
Don’t take shit from anyone.
Ok, this wasn’t from the unlikely conversation. This is an antidote from my great-great-aunt Claire. She echoed this on a phone call taking place over speakerphone in front of my entire family. It’s possibly the best advice I’ve ever gotten and advice I’ve only recently started to take.
Aunt Claire was a ball buster. She once got offered to be on the Jay Leno show for teaching aerobics at her local YMCA well into her 70s but didn’t want to “risk the heart attack brought on by stage fright.”
Anytime someone tries to give you shit, gladly discard it in the nearest dumpster and keep moving on with your life. Do not take it. Not for a second. Anyone who wants to give it to you is trying to keep you small. They are handing you one of their own limiting beliefs on a silver platter in the hopes you’ll adopt it as one of your own.
Take-Aways
You’re the only one who sets limiting beliefs for yourself. You’re the only one who can choose to abide by them and live your life by them.
How different would your life look if you didn’t listen to your limiting beliefs? How would it feel to step outside your own perception box? What true confidence would be revealed? How would you tackle challenges and face your fears?
You are worthy of every dream you have and every possibility in your life.
Do not limit your life to what’s contained inside your own perception box. Be daring enough to embrace what’s outside of it. You don’t have to adopt every new belief as your own, but never be afraid to try it on for size.
Maddie is a writer, voice-over artist, and certified coach. Self-declared boxed wine aficionado. Visit her on www.yougotyou.co