6 Gifts the Pandemic Gave Me
I’m not going to say the pandemic is a good thing. Countless lives have been lost, dreams have been crushed, and most of us are struggling in the current economy and job market.
But I don’t believe anything is all good or all bad (except Nazis, of course.) Then again, I have the privilege of not mourning anyone but the person I was before.
Covid, and all of its consequences, completely changed my life.
Before the world shut down, I never stopped moving. Hell, I never even slowed down. For as long as I can remember, my life has been go, go, go. From the moment I woke up, it was school, work, social events, extra-curriculars, shower, and sleep. Sometimes I managed to eat more than once a day.
This was my life ever since I turned 16.
I was 20 years old in 2020. I had just met my partner on the first of the year. I was in my junior year of college, stressed and stacked with responsibilities.
I had creatively demanding classes, a scholarship to keep up with, a student organization to manage, and shifts at a local pizza place to get to. All while trying to maintain some semblance of mental health and pursue the ray of sun that was my partner.
I had no idea how I was going to survive April intact.
It turned out the decision was made for me. In the confusion and chaos, my life fundamentally changed. If not for the pandemic, six important things in my life wouldn’t have happened–not until years later, at least.
1. The Freedom to Quit the Food Service Industry
Until 2020, the only jobs I had for any significant length of time were in restaurants. I waited tables, worked the counter at a harrowingly mismanaged bagel cafe, and served again at yet another pizza joint.
The experience wasn’t all bad, but it wasn’t great, either. I met a lot of people — some lovely and kind, some needlessly cruel. Teamwork was the strongest skill I developed, I think. I stayed way too long in harmful work environments because I cared about my coworkers and didn’t want to leave them behind.
After the first shutdown ended, I went back to serving at the pizza place. The place sold mostly single slices, so the tickets were small and the tips even smaller. With restaurant relief funds, the pay was good enough for the first few months to stay. But once it ran out, and more customers refused to wear masks in the building, it was hard to find a reason to stay.
I got tired of spending my shifts just cleaning the restaurant for less than three dollars an hour. I hit the peak of my frustration, and after talking with friends and my partner, I finally decided to quit and do what I had always wanted to.
2. The Push to Start Freelance Writing
My dream since my freshman year of college was to start freelancing in my senior year. Thanks to the pandemic, I actually did it.
It didn’t go exactly as I planned. I had dreams of finding work overnight, despite my limited experience with any sort of business.
I was way out of my depth. The first six months mostly involved researching to figure out what the hell I was doing, that is, when I wasn’t busy working on homework and writing fiction projects.
I didn’t fully dedicate myself to freelancing until my second semester. I slowly started to get results. The first pitch I ever sent to an online indie magazine was accepted. I couldn’t have been more excited. Unfortunately, I was never paid for my work, even after emailing them several times and contacting them on social media.
I was so disappointed, not only by the lack of payment, but at ending my relationship with the magazine. It took me a couple of months to bounce back, but I did, and I hit the first stride of my career.
3. The Time to Self-Publish a Novella
My senior capstone project was to write and edit a 20,000 word novella. Because of the freedom switching to freelance work gave me, I was able to fully dedicate myself to developing my plot, characters, and themes. The end result was a work I was incredibly proud of.
Our professor taught us how to upload our work to Amazon Kindle, and encouraged us to do so, but it wasn’t a requirement of the class. It wasn’t a difficult decision for me. After all of the hours of work I put into the piece, I was determined to show the world what I had made.
Though the copy had already been edited by my professor and two of my classmates, I sent it to my writer friends for final tweaks. Their comments and advice made my story significantly stronger, and I’m endlessly grateful for that.
Completing a piece of fiction that was available to purchase increased my confidence in my both my writing and my career. I haven’t earned hundreds of dollars off of it, but seeing even a few cents in my bank account from Kindle excites me.
4. The Ability to Adopt a Dog
If I hadn’t started working from home, I would never have been able to adopt my Maggie Blue.
I didn’t go to the shelter to pick up a dog. Sure, I had been thinking about how nice it would be to have a little buddy to take care of, to anchor my days with some sense of routine. But I didn’t think I was ready.
I was there with my partner to look at cats, but we couldn’t help but peek at the pups too.
In the fenced in back area, there was a litter of chocolate lab and pit mix babies. She was the runt, just a shy little thing “kicking rocks in the back,” as my partner likes to say. While her siblings came right up and jumped on our legs, she lingered behind, waiting for us to give her attention at our convince.
That’s what drew me in. I scooped her up in my arms and fell in love with her sweet face and soft belly. But I didn’t bring her home that day. I still wasn’t sure I was ready.
I spent the weekend thinking about her almost constantly. The next day the shelter opened, I went back, and she’s been a part of our home ever since.
5. The Encouragement to Start Medication
I’ve struggled with intense anxiety and mild depression ever since I was a child. It took me years to convince myself I wasn’t faking, and was worthy of treatment.
I was raised to believe if you keep yourself busy, you won’t have time to be anxious or depressed. But this only made the little down time I had stressful, sad, and guilt-ridden.
Another thing encouraged in my family was to avoid mental health medication at all costs. I thought if I even tried it, it would make me a different or worse person. I thought I would come to rely on it and wouldn’t be able to function if I was ever forced to go without it.
So when I did start to take care of my mental health, I only tried therapy. While it was immensely helpful in some ways, it couldn’t do everything.
Over the course of the pandemic’s first year, I talked with dear friends who had both positive and negative experiences with anxiety and depression medication. They encouraged me to try and see if it helped, without any pressure to continue if it didn’t.
I decided I was tired of fighting alone.
I thought it would take a couple of tries to find the right medication for me, but I was pleasantly surprised. I’ve been on Zoloft for almost two years now, and I’ve never felt better.
6. The Chance to Put Myself First
I’ve never been the best at taking care of myself. I naturally put others before me. It’s partially because that’s how I love, but also because sometimes I don’t feel like I deserve to be a priority in my own life.
But when the pandemic made me slow down, I didn’t have as many responsibilities to focus on. There was only so much I could do for the people around me. We supported each other and offered our company, but the lack of tangible forward momentum in my life still made me spiral.
I had no choice but to stop and do better on my own behalf.
I wasn’t sure how to go about it. Putting myself and my needs first was entirely new to me. There was always something or some one else to focus on instead. In the beginning of this journey, I put that energy into my partner. It seemed easier to put all of myself into her rather than prioritize my own needs.
It didn’t take long for her to catch on, and I didn’t get away with it for a moment. She forced me to acknowledge what I was doing and to stop it. She urged me to see how important I was and begged me to start putting myself first, for real this time.
It’s been a long process. I don’t always get it right, but I show up for my own needs and wants much more than I ever have before.
I don’t know how many years it would have taken me to prioritize myself and make these life-changing decisions if not for the pandemic and shut downs. But I do know I’m grateful that joy came with the pain.
I’ve learned a lot of hard lessons early in my life, and whatever comes next, I know I can come out stronger on the other side.
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