Six Things We Should Lie About
That makes life better.
Ceteris paribus — a Latin phrase widely used in economics to describe a theory in isolation. Or when all other things are being equal. But we know damn well that our world doesn’t work like that.
While telling the truth is important, it’s not always the best choice for every situation. There are still times when lying is better than telling the truth. Not because it’s the easy way out, but because we love ourselves.
1. To the eyes of the recruiter
In the movie Fifty Shades of Grey, Anastasia Steele (played by the lovely Dakota Johnson) portrays a young and hungry girl who’s trying to make it at a publishing firm. During her job interview, she mentioned that she had the opportunity to interview Christian Grey (the young billionaire tycoon).
In the real world, imagine a fresh graduate having the experience of interviewing Elon Musk.
Truthfully, it was Anastasia’s roommate, Kate, who landed the interview on behalf of her university. Unfortunately, Kate fell sick on the appointment day, and Anastasia had to step in for her. And Christian Grey only agreed to it because he will be conferring the degrees at their university.
It is never advisable to lie in your interviews, and this is not about that. But you can always give half the truth and brush over the remaining half. Especially when you only have a short window to make an impression.
2. I used to smoke pot
There is nothing wrong with smoking pot. But if you don’t want to, there’s an elegant exit.
I’ve told all my friends that I used to smoke pot (not anymore because of a bad experience) and that I’m allergic to drugs. But really, I’ve never once touched any of those.
Coming up with a story to protect yourself from the things you don’t want to regret is a form of self-care.
Put yourself first, and ‘trying to fit in’ last. Watch as everything else fall into place.
3. Dangerously smart
“兵者，詭道也”
This Chinese proverb from the legendary Art of War translates to “All warfare is based on deception.”
Former FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss, mentioned in his Masterclass that high-stakes negotiation is never about trying to corner your opponents into where you desire. Rather, your goal is to get as much information as you can and try to come up with a win-win solution based on that.
Voss also added:
“Smart people often have trouble being negotiators — they’re so smart they think they don’t have anything to discover.”
In our modern lives, our warfare comes in the form of business negotiation, interviews, marketing, a debate, or even a game of chess. It’s easy to get impatient and make assumptions about our opponents; after all, we can do that in just a few seconds as opposed to spending days or weeks to understand them.
But that is exactly what puts us at a disadvantage. Because dangerously smart people always act dumb before showing their hands.
4. “I’m okay”
Every time you log on to social media, there is someone or some page telling you to chase your dreams. Then to quit your job and hustle your entire esse to achieve success.
At some point, you ask: “Why not me?”
So one day, you decided to quit your job and give it a try. Just to see if it works.
You start off with so much enthusiasm. You could go from dawn to dusk. You cut each lunch break shorter one day at a time because you just want to get back to your desk. Each item you check off your list is a victory. And it feels so damn good because you’re finally working on building something you can call yours.
Soon enough, you’re addicted to it.
Faith
Come the end of the month, your earnings barely crossed mid-three figures. But you said: “Okay, let me just give it another month. I’m sure it will get better and I’ll be okay.”
The next month flashed by and your earnings barely increased.
And then another month.
Then the anxiety slowly creeps in. You try to fend it off, but you already know it’s just a matter of time until you give in.
You start to wonder what the hell have you been doing for the past few months. You start to wonder if you should turn back while you can. And walk the road more commonly walked. You start to question if it was ever going to work out.
If all of it was just a hopeless dream.
Our lifelong friend
It’s quite unfair sometimes that we’re slapped with the reality of a failure, even though we’ve dedicated every ounce of our lives to it. We kept it up, despite how hard it was and hearing people we love doubt us, enduring the pain because we just want it so badly.
When the adrenaline fades and the world falls into silence, the voice in our heads will be all that’s left. The mirror on the wall might very well be our only friend.
Gently whisper:
“I’ll be okay.”
Even in our bleakest hours, these simple words will remain true. Because we will be okay. We’re not naïve to the fact that it’s chaotic outside, being in denial, or even disconnected with life, we’re simply giving a big ol’ hug to ourselves.
We’re okay, even when we just want to sink into our beds for the entire day. We’re okay, even if others are doing better than us. We’ll be okay, even if tomorrow sounds exhausting. We’re okay, even when we feel like running away. We’re okay, even if things are going to get harder and heavier before they get better.
We’re okay.
Because all that frustration is just passion without a place to go.
Wherever you are, wherever you are, there is a future version of you that is glad you did what you did. Some day, soon, you’ll look back at it and know exactly why it had to happen. Although we can’t always get what we want, we’ll always get what we need.
5. The misconception of confidence
My first ever presentation in college was brutal.
My hands shaking, I hid them in my pockets. My voice trembling at the beat of my heart, I tried to breathe. My mind blank, but I spoke words.
I was quite the nervous kid. Never in the spotlight and the words “public speaking” were a trigger to overthink.
Eventually, I got better and calmer at it. But it wasn’t because I learned “how to present better” or became better at public speaking per se. It was because of empathy.
It was the imagination of myself in the audience, watching myself on stage. And then the epiphany: “Well, nobody really knows if I’m confident. They don’t know how I usually act or behave. That means I can even act like Gary Vee if I want to.”
We’re not all born with confidence, but confidence still attracts, and the only thing left for us to do is act the part.
Confidence isn’t a trait, it’s a mindset.
6. Experiences and memories are forever
All our tech gadgets, dresses, shoes, cars, mugs, and weird kitchenware will eventually break down. And you realise that. That’s why you’re perfectly fine with using a Samsung Galaxy S8 from 4 years ago while you save up.
You really don’t want to buy the trendy things, not because they’re not good, but because you value experiences and memories more.
I’ve tested numerous methods and the best way to get out of that situation is by saying: “I’m broke.”
Recap
Your world is yours to navigate. Whichever path you choose, don’t forget there’s a consequence. Even though a few gentle lies might help you through tough times, there is still an unlimited amount of external problems, and we can only resolve internal problems.
- You’re allowed to tell half the truth.
- You don’t really need a lot of items.
- You can say no and not explain yourself.
- You already have confidence in you. You just need to let it out.
- The truth comes out when people think they have nothing to gain from you.
- Future you is thanking you right now! For always taking care of yourself and not giving up.
Hey, since you’re here, why not join my mailing list for occasional cool stories in your inbox or consider becoming a member to read all my stories! ☺