6 Easy Ways You Can Become an Attractive Person
Attractiveness: It’s not as difficult as you think
Attractiveness is a drug. If you are vain like yours truly, you probably prioritize dazzling looks, because why not?
We can’t help wanting more of it because it helps us feel better about ourselves and confident about taking over the world.
It’s also why we’re pulled to attractive people like a magnet.
But anyone who has been alive for over three decades knows very well that character speaks louder than chiseled cheekbones or tight abs.
If you ever wonder why you gravitate towards some people and find yourself craving whatever they smoke and wish you could become just like them, then you, my friend, are in luck because this piece will show you precisely what you can do to get there.
Don’t be one of these dudes.
Ever seen one of those Big Brother shows where the actors are filmed but never see themselves?
Sometimes they end up doing some pretty dumb things because they act as if no one is noticing.
Watching them, we wonder, “How can you not see that what you’re doing isn’t very smart?”
Okay, maybe you’ve never watched any of these shows. Still, I’m willing to bet you’ve been at a social event where some guy steps on a particular person’s toes, making them utterly uncomfortable with insensitive jokes and questions like, “Why don’t you have kids?”
You can almost slice the discomfort in the air with a knife.
No one wants to hang around such dudes. Any association with them feels like walking with a pebble in your shoe because they lack self-awareness.
Self-awareness is the ability to see yourself in the context of others. It’s being conscious of how your actions reflect on others and how the space you take up affects them.
And this, my friends, is a daunting task because guess what?
We glide into the world with a propensity for self-centeredness.
This is precisely why if you can work on developing self-awareness, you’ll have a hard time pushing folks away because they’ll be drawn to you like a moth to light.
Okay, maybe not that intense, but you get the point. Self-aware guys are attractive.
When you’re self-aware you’re able to interpret your feelings objectively.
For instance, if you feel a twinge of jealousy over your friend’s promotion, you’re not caught up in a whirlwind of emotions that you can’t explain. Instead, you’re able to pinpoint exactly why you feel the way you do.
However uncomfortable it may feel, this awareness places you in a victorious position because it enables you to self-regulate and channel those feelings towards a positive outcome.
Remember that twinge of jealousy we just spoke about?
Yes, the one you felt after Sally snatched away the promotion you’ve been eyeing for a whole year. After you recognize why you feel the way you do, you can then learn from your friend or work harder to bag the next one that swings your way.
The point is that self-awareness is a win-win whichever way you look at it. It helps you keep your emotions on a leash and enables you to decipher other people’s emotions and handle them as they would like.
To harness your level of self-awareness:
- Always check in with yourself. Like constantly.
- Ask yourself what your feelings are communicating — they’re always speaking if you listen carefully — and how you can best manage them.
- Seek to understand the people around you and their stories before you say or do things they’ll hate you for. Remember people who blurt out anything that crosses their mind? Unattractive.
Assume the role of a battery charger.
There are only two types of people setting footsteps in this world — battery chargers and battery drainers.
We’ll talk about this in a second.
But, wouldn’t you agree that the older you get, the more you peel off friends from your life?
It’s not usually because either of you is a bad person. It’s just the natural process of personal evolution. You discover new interests, follow that hot chick/dude across the world, and pursue ventures that shift your life in a different direction.
Eventually, the phone stops ringing. The texts dwindle.
And yet, even with all these variable winds of life, some friends still stick.
What makes them stick while others peel away? Their ability to be useful to your life and vice versa.
When you’re useful, you enrich someone’s life. If you leave, they feel a void.
This brings me to what we discussed earlier: battery drainers and battery chargers.
At the risk of stating the obvious, the former always need saving. These are the dudes who ask for advice but never apply it, and often get into trouble more times than a puppy.
These dudes are the furthest thing from attractive.
But if you want to be a battery charger:
- Don’t sit in silence when there’s something you can do or say to avert an injustice. You’re of no use otherwise.
- Make it possible for people to get ahead even when there’s nothing in it for you.
- Don’t be hasty to bash or overthrow someone just because you disapprove of their stand. Instead, zoom in and see why they do what they do. What you’ll find may surprise you.
- Create a space for someone to get what they need.
Give people space without taking offense.
Wouldn’t you agree that the noise in the world is getting louder and louder?
In fact, it’s becoming harder to hear the pulse of our own lives.
The last thing we need is friends- as well as they may mean — cramming up our spaces, right?
To be attractive, learn to give people the time and space they need to sift through their emotions without taking offense.
Understanding that needing space doesn’t mean they aren’t invested in the relationship.
Doing this makes people feel validated and signals that you respect them, which makes your friendship the kind that lights up like a matchstick on fire when you get together — no matter how long you’ve been away from each other.
Become a master at redirecting stones.
Perfect people are aliens.
Our factory settings come with rough-edges that we spend a lifetime ironing out. And boy, is it a Sisyphean affair?
But you know how we are. Ever so quick to judge. Especially those struggling with an aspect of life that we’ve already perfected.
A parent whose parenting skills are off the charts may be tempted to judge another whose kids seem to go off the rails every day, forgetting that the “failing” parent may be killing it at work.
But an attractive person would never do that. You understand that we’re gifted differently, which makes it easy to cut others some slack.
In fact, if you so much as catch a whiff of gossip about someone’s failings, you don’t partake in the conversation. You redirect it. Or shine the light on a positive attribute that is being overlooked.
What makes you attractive isn’t your ability to speak well of your mates in their presence; it’s your willingness to diffuse a negative conversation that happens in their absence.
Be the one who sticks around for the long haul.
I don’t know about you, but I like my friends like rocks. Always present. Solid. Never changing.
You know, the ones.
Those who don’t ditch you at the sight of the coolest kid in town. And no matter how far their social circle expands, you know they’re legit. They’re still your person.
I say this because too many people are reliable only in the phases of their lives when they stand to gain from you. (I’m guilty too) And if for some reason you stop feeding them, they bail on you.
But you’re an attractive person if you are the guy who sticks around as your mates weather the storms of life because this level of commitment and loyalty is a rare gem.
So if you know in your heart of hearts that you’ll be way up there in the list of someone’s all-weather friends, then you, dear reader, are the real deal.
Pull people out of their holes.
My buddy is as sharp as a tack but put him in a crowd, and he instantly becomes a block of ice. Not a single word.
Socially awkward people have a few problems, and speaking in public is the mother of them all.
Attractive people know this, which is why they actively make them feel like part of the group by enquiring whether they have something they’d like to say — because they always have something to say. At times they have the best ideas.
Like my pal, they just need someone to pull them out of their hole.
If you want to make a real difference in elevating someone’s self-esteem — which will make them see you as the coolest cat in the group, be the one who doesn’t ignore them.
A decade of my life was spent serving on the plane, which was how I learned that in the customer service industry, only two types of customers exist:
Those who see you and those who think they own you.
The former appreciates you. It’s the eye contact, the smiles, and the “Thank you”s.
The rest, well… let’s just say their mothers failed miserably.
But you’re a good kid. And now that you know better, you’ll do better.
All you need to know:
In the end, what will matter most is the quality of relationships you forged. And for that to happen, people need to like you and want to be around you. So:
- Learn to keep your emotions on a leash. Learn people well so that you don’t fall into the trap of saying things that make them hate you.
- Be a battery charger. Enrich someone’s life
- Don’t sit in silence when there’s something you can do or say to avert an injustice.
- Give people space without taking offense.
- Be willing to diffuse a negative conversation about your friends that happens in their absence.
6. Pull people out of their holes.