6 Life Lessons I Learn Too Late in Life

They are obvious now that I’m older

One day, our lives and all we’ve learned and done will be summed up in a dash.

I love visiting old graveyards. I’ll spend an hour or two reading the tombstones. One I remember said, “He shoulda been faster.” I’m guessing he lost a gunfight. It’s more dramatic than thinking a wagon ran him over.

A tombstone has a date of birth and date of death, and the only thing separating them is a dash. That dash, so short on a tombstone it’s hard to notice, represents a life lived.

When I looked at a grave’s headstone, I often wonder if the deceased person lived a fulfilling life. Did the person learn life’s lessons early, or did he or she wait until late in life to learn what matters in life?

1. Living in the past is a bad decision

Some things we do when we’re young may haunt us when we’re old. The memories of bad decisions lurk in the darkness of our minds, hidden and waiting. And when least expected, they tap us on the shoulder to remind us of something in the past we regret.

Life lesson

Don’t share your mistakes with people who can’t help. We all make poor decisions. We act foolish or say things that later make us cringe. Dwell on your mistakes, and they will depress you.

Our memories are often inaccurate and sometimes false. Even if they are true, accept there is nothing you can do to change what happened. The solution is to learn from past mistakes and use them to make better decisions in the future.

Life is short. Don’t wreck the time you have dwelling on the past. Enjoy your life today.

“The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every sinner has a past, and every saint has a future.” Oscar Wilde

2. Perfection is a fool's dream. So get real.

I’ve met a lot of perfectionists in my life. All were imperfect. With a perfectionist, there is no margin for error. Living a perfect life isn’t possible. Perfectionists spend a lot of time and energy trying to do the undoable.

Life lesson

Accept imperfections in all you do. In life, close enough is good enough in most cases. People won’t notice minor flaws, blemishes, and mistakes unless you point them out.

So don’t point them out.

“Too late, I found you can’t wait to become perfect, you got to go out and fall down and get up with everybody else.” Ray Bradbury — Something Wicked This Way Comes

3. You have plenty of problems. Don’t take on more.

The stronger our sense of right and wrong, the more we want to take on everyone else’s problems. We want every injustice, fixed. We want every injury healed. We spend a lot of mental and emotional energy trying to figure out a way to make things right for other people. We stress over not saying or doing something. If we had stepped in to help someone, things might have been different for them.

Life lesson

Life isn’t fair. It can be cruel. People with money get cancer or their children die. Poor people also get cancer or their children die. We can’t fix every injustice. We can’t heal cancer or bring a loved one back to life.

We can handle our own problems. And other people can handle their problems, too. Stressing over what we could have done or said in defense of someone else fixes nothing. We have plenty of problems of our own without taking on other people’s problems.

“Takumi, you gotta stop stealing other people’s problems and get some of your own.” — John Green

4. Why are you doing what you hate?

I hated my job. I was in corporate sales for several years. Each day was a grind. Every day I wanted to quit. But I told myself that I had all the things people feel are important. My family was happy, but I was miserable. I told myself their happiness was worth the sacrifice of doing something I hated.

Life lesson

Life will sometimes take over and force you to quit what you're doing. It could be a job you hate, a relationship that isn’t working anymore, or belonging to a church that isn’t fulfilling. A better approach is to follow your own path. Find what you want to do then do it regardless of pay or benefits.

Will Rogers said it best —

“If you want to be successful, it’s just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.” — Will Rogers

5. Pay less attention to current events. They’ll change tomorrow.

Today, pandemics, Black Lives Matter, and name-calling dominate the news. When I was growing up, it was the Vietnam way and hippies. There are always things to stress over. If it isn’t war, it’s politicians conniving to make our lives harder.

Life lesson

It isn’t always easy to keep emotions in check. The media is masterful at keeping us upset. But yelling, screaming, or acting violent solves nothing. And it won’t change anything. People may quit arguing, but not because they’re convinced to see things our way. They stop talking because they’re intimidated or they’ve given up.

A better approach to current events is to be calm. Getting upset about what you can’t change is a waste of time and energy.

“If you do not have control over your mouth, you will not have control over your future.” ― Germany Kent

6. Change your life. Chase your own dreams for ultimate happiness

People follow all kinds of things. They chase after money, power, or position. I’m not convinced they are happy, even if they get what they’ve pursued. A recent study shows that only 14% of Americans are happy.

Life lesson

Follow your own dreams. Many people sacrifice their dream for a job or a house or a car. It’s wasted potential. How many people have buried their talents? People don’t write because someone convinced them that writing was foolish? People don’t paint because someone convinced them they can’t paint. People never open a business because there is too much risk.

Following our dreams is a great and rewarding way to live. Starting a business is exciting and scary. Getting married is thrilling and scary. Getting a job to go into a new line of work is exhilarating and scary. Chasing your dreams is scary, but it’s worth it.

“You see things; and you say “Why?” But I dream things that never were; and I say “Why not?”” — George Bernard Shaw

Conclusion

The biggest lesson learned too late is not doing things on your terms. Time is the ultimate equalizer. From birth to death, the seconds tick by without variation or pause. What we do with those seconds is important.

We all have choices. We can work at a job we hate We can fight and argue over the issues of the day. And we can give up on our dreams. Or we can choose to look to the future with excitement. We can find that career that is the right one for us, no matter what others may think or how much it pays. We can listen and talk about politics without screaming and shouting.

And we can believe in our dreams until they come true.

What is a life lesson that you’ve learned but wished you learned earlier?