Summary

The web content presents a humorous and imaginative list of 50 epitaphs that reflect witty and unconventional last thoughts from the deceased.

Abstract

The article titled "50 Startling Epitaphs in the Bonnywood Manor Graveyard" offers a creative and whimsical collection of epitaphs that range from humorous to poignant, each providing a unique and often satirical perspective on the afterlife and the circumstances of the characters' demise. The epitaphs include modern references, such as the inadequacy of Wi-Fi in the afterlife, and playful nods to popular culture, like a nod to Adele tickets and the game of Monopoly. The list is a product of a sugary brainstorming session between the author and a friend, reflecting a lighthearted take on the often somber topic of death and the final messages people might leave behind.

Opinions

The author playfully suggests that even in death, one might still be concerned with mundane issues like Wi-Fi connectivity.
There is a sense of humor in addressing the potential regrets and unfinished business of the deceased, such as unfulfilled travel plans or family dynamics.
The epitaphs poke fun at the unexpected turns of life and death, with references to lottery tickets, waterbeds, and the game of Twister.
Some epitaphs convey a sense of irony or sarcasm, like the one commenting on the futility of an extended warranty or the surprise of finding out that clean underwear isn't a prerequisite in the afterlife.
The author seems to appreciate the importance of living life to the fullest and taking chances, as suggested by one of the epitaphs encouraging the living to take the chances the deceased never did.
The list reflects a casual and irreverent attitude towards traditional graveyard inscriptions, opting for a more personal and quirky approach to remembrance.

50 Startling Epitaphs in the Bonnywood Manor Graveyard

Detail shot I took of tilework at the Alcazaba de Malaga in southern Spain. It has nothing to do with this story, but it looks pretty.

1. “The wi-fi really sucks in here.”

2. “I didn’t realize you were THAT invested in getting my Adele tickets.”

3. “Guess I didn’t need to save those vacation days after all.”

4. “Well, at least I won’t have to put up with any more psycho-drama at Thanksgiving family reunions.”

5. “Anybody up for a beer run?”

6. “About that eating raw fish thing…”

7. “Um, I’m not sure who you need to tell, but that guy two plots over isn’t there anymore.”

8. “When they said ‘no parking on the dance floor’, I guess they really meant it.”

9. “Mama said there’d be days like this.”

10. “I am away from my computer right now.”

11. “Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.”

12. “BRB. LOL.”

13. “Take the chances I never did.”

14. “Red really does mean stop.”

15. “It hurts when you stick the flowers in the ground.”

16. “Who in the world thought I wanted pink satin up in this mess?”

17. “Did you delete my browser history like we agreed?”

18. “Don’t pick door number three. Trust me.”

19. “Anne Rice got a few things wrong.”

20. “Vodka and a game of Twister. Enough said.”

21. “Should have gone with the cash option on that lottery ticket.”

22. “My son stepped on a crack…”

23. “Most accidents really do occur in the home.”

24. “Damn waterbed.”

25. “Oh, what a relief it is.”

26. “I told you I didn’t need the extended warranty.”

27. “Gas bubble, my ass.”

28. “Disappointed in my will, were you? Good.”

29. “Does my butt look big in this?”

30. “I’d like a do-over, please.”

31. “Flew like an eagle. To the sea.”

32. “I guess you found out that I lied about working late that night.”

33. “I guess I shouldn’t have had so many chili dogs”

34. “The number you have reached has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”

35. “Wouldn’t it have been easier to just divorce me? Geez.”

36. “Why did you put all that crap in my casket? This is not a piñata.”

37. “Turns out it doesn’t really matter if you’re wearing clean underwear or not.”

38. “Did you really think that was an appropriate outfit to wear at my funeral? Girl, please.”

39. “But I still have crops to harvest in Farmville!”

40. “Does this come with fries?”

41. “Looks like that one child can start to carry on, carry on.”

42. “Douglas Adams was right. It’s 42.”

43. “Cuidado! Piso mojado.”

44. “Where are my pants?”

45. “One million two hundred seventy thousand beers on the wall…”

46. “Room for rent. Inquire within. No pets.”

47. “I should have said yes more than I said no.”

48. “Yes, I ordered the pizza. There’s some money in the flower pot on the right.”

49. “Hey! What’s down THAT road?”

50. “Better luck next time. See ya soon.”

Previously published, perhaps more times than it should have been, updated once again.

Story behind the story: Many moons ago, my bestie Tiffany and I ingested a few Reese’s dark-chocolate peanut butter cups whilst sitting in the workplace and waiting for some type of validation in our lives. Sugar-levels elevated, loopiness ensued, and we envisioned interesting headstones one might encounter in a cemetery. The list has changed over the years (humor definitely has a shelf life), and the above is the latest reincarnation.