50 of the Most Impactful Lessons I Learned in 2023

From 365 days of publishing life lessons daily

I share short, 1-minute insights daily. As part of my year-in-review process, I read back through them. This list is a compilation of the 50 most impactful lessons I learned, in no particular order, from 2023 (My 2022 list can be read here). And without further ado, let’s jump in:

Hoping things will be better in the future is a great way to keep getting the same kind of results in the future. If you want a better future, a great strategy to try is something new, intentional, and deliberate *today.*
If you’re serious about making something happen in your future, the realization of that thing should be made a serious priority in your present. If your goal is to get into the best shape of your life… but you’re not doing anything about that today (e.g. exercising, eating healthy, sleeping properly, etc)… the reality is: you’re not serious about wanting to get into the best shape of your life — you’re fantasizing. Making your future goals actionable today is how you prove to yourself that you’re serious.
What’s the easiest exercise you’ve ever done? What’s the easiest reading you’ve ever done? What’s the easiest writing you’ve ever done? What’s the easiest work you’ve ever done? What’s the easiest connecting you’ve ever done? …Because one thing is for sure, not all exercise, reading, writing, working, or connecting is created equal. The answer(s) you come up with provide pivotal insights that will help you come into alignment with these pivotal life tasks. And the more aligned you are, the less resistance you’ll feel, and the more likely you’ll be to continue doing them day-in and day-out.
Most of us never think about our four year away self. We mostly think about our today self. And our today self is too busy to learn a new skill… Too tired to start a new book… Too lazy to build a new creation. But, for those who find a way to get their today self to start the process of learning that new skill, reading that new book, and building that new creation… get to eventually step into a version of them self who makes them look back at older versions with a bit of cringe and embarrassment. This is real. And our future self is real.
Having the freedom to do something “anytime” is the same as having something to do that has zero deadline. And I don’t know about you, but when I’m assigned a project that has zero deadline… I back-burner that sucker until further notice… Until I have more time to do non-urgent things. And I don’t know about you, but “more time to do non-urgent things” rarely, if ever, just pops into my schedule… And I don’t know about you, but I’m rarely in the mood to catch up on additional work when it does. It’s during those times that I’m usually most sick of work and want to unplug and do anything BUT more work. So, I don’t know about you, but with 2024 approaching and new year resolutions on mind… I’d say we take away “anytime” from our goal timelines.
At a Martial Arts Conference I attended this year, one of the presenters said the following: “When my daughter, 14 years old, starts dating — in 23 years (said only half-jokingly) — the person who takes her out better be able to articulate a moral code. Because if they can’t, that’s because there probably is no code.” Regardless of whether or not you’re dating, married, single… if I asked you right now to articulate your moral code… could you? As in, could you articulate to me, right now, what you stand for… what you value… what you believe… what guides you… what keeps your moral compass calibrated… what “forward” on your moral compass looks like… Because if you can’t articulate it… what you have to ask yourself is — with full honestly — is there one there?
If it’s not in my plan for the day… And I leave the decision to be made in the moment based on “how I feel”… I’m going to choose the easy route…Almost every time. I’m way better at choosing the hard(er) route when it’s already locked into my day.
Writing every day is hard. Not knowing what I think and living without clarity is hard. One of them leads to far more difficulty and challenge than the other. There is no easy-only option… only hard now and compounded hard later. Understanding this is what fuels me to keep filling up these blank pages with words. And understanding this might fuel you to reconsider some of the hard now options in your life, too.
The goal isn’t healed — it’s to move towards healing. The goal isn’t perfection — it’s to move towards excellence. The goal isn’t detached — it’s to move towards non-attachment. The goal isn’t unemotional — it’s to improve emotional intelligence. The goal isn’t done — it’s to move towards a finish that has a rewarding path. Aiming at unarrivable destinations can be quite frustrating… try aiming for a better direction instead.
It would be easy for me to head over to ChatGPT, GPT-4, or Bard and ask this A.I. assistant to write a blog post for me using all of the past 1,200+ articles I’ve written as context. And I’m sure it’d be pretty damn good, too. But, getting an instant article based on all of my past writings isn’t the point. The point is to sweat. To reflect. To poke around. To prod. To sigh. To grunt. To take a stab. To bleed. The point is to play the game. Not have a game simulated at the speed of light leaving you only with the final score. Don’t get me wrong, there are a ton of exciting tasks that A.I. can do that’ll save us a ton of time. But creative pursuits, shouldn’t be one of them. More time to be able to spend in creative pursuits should be the most exciting prospect of the utility and application of A.I.
We don’t start acting like our highest self once we become them—at some distant and arbitrary point in the future. We visualize, channel, and call upon the thoughts/ beliefs/ actions of our highest self NOW and slowly, slowly… after having acted like them for long enough… become them in a not-so-distant and deliberate point in the upcoming present.
Somebody asked me if I would lie for them one day. When I explained that I wouldn’t and why, I also included the following line to serve as a reminder/ forewarning… a line that didn’t come from some picture quote post I saw somewhere on the internet… but from a place of experience learned the hard way. I said: Telling a lie now moves difficulty into your future; telling the truth now moves difficulty into your past. Whenever you find yourself on the fence about whether or not you should tell the truth or lie… keep this in mind. And if that’s not enough, remember that the future difficulty compounds vs the now difficulty because of the accumulating guilt, lie remembering, performing/acting, and follow up questioning… Sometimes — oftentimes — difficult now is actually the much easier option.
Why waste even a minute of your life’s most precious resource looking at crap that makes you feel terrible about yourself? What you have right here — at the tips of your fingers — is the very means to your most realized self. What you also have is the very means to your most unrealized, latent self. It is no small thing to realize: thumb taps and mouse clicks drastically change lives.
It’s the news’ job to make the world’s problems your problems. Watch too much news and it’s no wonder you feel crippling fear, uncontrollable anxiety, and hopelessness. You are one person absorbing the problems intermittently faced by 8 billion. No single person can face a volume of problems the size of the ocean and expect to come out afloat — let alone like they can have any kind of reasonable influence on it all. My advice? Turn off the news of 8 billion. Come up with a solution that’s concise — no more than 5 minutes per day. Unbiased. And get the rest of your news from your immediate environment — friends, family, co-workers, etc. Make it your job to make your world’s problems your problems… And focus most exclusively on doing something good in your own backyard every day.
A modern day savings trick in a world obsessed with subscriptions: cancel them all… and obsess over one at a time. This is a trick I’ve been applying to my own life as of late. Netflix, Disney +, Paramount +, HBO/Max, Showtime, Hulu, Peacock… each service makes you believe you’re missing out if you aren’t subscribed to them. And they do this by advertising the heck out of their blockbuster (oh, the irony) shows, creating irresistible offers, and making you feel like their service will give you access to the media that most of your friends will be talking about. The reality is… it’s all media brainwashing. You don’t need all of them all at once — it’s preposterous to even consider how many options that gives you access to when it actually comes time to sit down and pick something to watch.
Our self-worth increases proportionally to the amount of time spent doing inner work. If we never prioritize our SELF… how can we expect to realize all that we are? Like modern media, what garners the most attention proportionally holds the most worth. Make YOU the channel you spend the most time on.
Saying to someone “love yourself” is about as helpful as saying to someone “become healthy.” Like becoming healthy, self-love is a multi-faceted challenge that requires careful introspection, a profound determination or desire, and an extensive life-long commitment — it isn’t something that is just “fixed.” Maybe, instead of telling people to arbitrarily love themselves, we can be an example for them or encourage them to do more of the things where the byproduct is self-love. Things like exercise, healthy eating, meditating, reading, writing, therapy, joining supportive and uplifting communities, etc. When I think back to the people who have inspired me the most in my life… I think of the ones who were modeling a way of life that I wanted to live… not merely talking about one. So, before you go telling other people to love themselves… consider the idea that loving yourself fully might be the most impactful thing you might ever do for them anyhow. Not to mention, of course, that the byproduct of this method is that you get to (re)focus your energy into loving yourself fully — which is the ultimate win in-and-of itself.
When we remove: (1) Fear of judgment, (2) Superfluous desires, (3) Unrealistic expectations, (4) Depressive mental environments, (5) Obsessive needs to be happier *than*… What’s left is what was always there — the happiness we once knew that was slowly buried by modern and corrupt influences. The way to add happiness to our lives isn’t via more… it’s via less.
A simple formula guaranteed to make the world a better place: Leave each room you spend time in better than you found it; Leave each person you converse with warmer than you found them; Leave each natural setting you traverse cleaner than you found it. If we can get into the habit of actively seeking opportunities to improve the world inside our daily moments… how could we not improve the world via our life?
Sometimes the best way to be helpful isn’t to ask how you can be helpful… It’s to look for what needs to get done and to get to work helping to get it done. This is as true when you’re being temporarily hosted by a family member who’s doing it all as it is when you’re being temporarily hosted by this planet who’s being exploited for it all.
It can be tempting (now more than ever) to let: likes; saves; praise; comments; shares — signal to us our worth. “The more I get = the more I’m valued = the more I’m loved” …So tempting. But, so backwards. The goal isn’t to GET signaled our worth… The goal is to STEP INTO our worth and send a strong ass signal out for all of those within our worlds to receive. This way, we don’t become who/what the latest trends/algorithms tell us to become… we tell the world who we are and let the right interactions happen from there. Right people interactions >>> Greatest number of digital reactions. Don’t get it twisted.
The group I play basketball with grew this year. And a lot of the additions to the group are much better than me. If I’m not careful, this could make me want to stop playing. But, if I’m mindful, this will continue to have zero impact on my playing long-term. Because what I have to remember is that I’m not there to be the best basketball player (I gave up that dream when I got cut from my middle school basketball tryouts decades ago). I’m there for the killer plyometric workout and connection. And so I use the presence of increased talent and experience as motivation to practice and learn… and do my best to channel my inner golden retriever the rest of the time and run around, jump up and down, and just be happy to be there… An excellent strategy, I must say, when learning anything new while in the midst of talented and experienced practitioners.
One day, a friend of mine got a friend of theirs a custom t-shirt featuring a blown up image of their friend’s childhood dream car drawn by their friend’s very own childhood hand that was joking shared via text but brilliantly airdropped, screen printed, and airbrushed onto a plain white t-shirt — complete with nickname AND racing stripes… just because. These are the kinds of friends you want to keep close by in life. And this is the type of friend more of us should aim to be.
You will never be able to give others enough of your time/energy/attention — they’ll always gladly demand and accept more. This is where prioritizing others over yourself crashes and burns. There will never be “left over” time/energy/attention. “Extra” is an illusion. The demands of others is a bottomless pit. Pay yourself in time/energy/attention FIRST. Then, when full, give extra or what you have left over to others.
Are you angry? Or are you overtired and just need a nap? Are you anxious? Or are you pent up and just need to get some exercise? Are you arrogant? Or are you distracted and just need to practice gratitude? Are you sluggish? Or are you dehydrated and just need to drink more water? Are you alone? Or are you expecting everybody else to take the initiative and haven’t sent out any invitations yourself or signed up for any new group activities? Are you depressed? Or are you spending too much time on social media comparing yourself to others and just need to delete your accounts or have a screen fast? It may not be as simple as that. But, in many cases — it is. This is a reminder to stay on top of the basics.
Be kind on your way up; you might cross paths with some of the same people on your way down. Be kind on your way down; you might cross paths with some people who might be able to help you up. In short: be kind; always.
It’s amazing how seamless doom scrolling is for me when I’m tired. One day this year, while trying to catch up on work after a long weekend… I couldn’t help but scratch every damn itch for distraction that peeped into my mind. It was as if the self-discipline and focus has been drained right out of me. And auto-play videos? Forget it. It isn’t until the stupid things end that I would realize they had my full and undivided attention the whole time they played. I was shook how long it took me to get out of that hole and finish the work I had at hand. Don’t get it twisted: Being well rested is top tier productivity advice.
An indicator of productivity that isn’t discussed enough: happiness. Did the day make you happy? Then it was productive — regardless of how few “productive tasks” you finished. Did the day make you miserable? Then it wasn’t productive — regardless of how many “productive tasks” you finished.
Don’t measure your weight; measure the weight of your self-love. Don’t measure your influence; measure the care inside your actions. Don’t measure your money; measure the wealth of life inside your days…Because what gets measured, gets managed. And what gets managed gets your time. And what gets your time… gets your life.
One day, a friend and I ran 4 miles. At the end, she reported that we averaged 8:50ish per mile and said, “Anything sub 9 is good.” I didn’t say it then, but after thinking about it, I’d like to say next time, “Anything done is good.” Put too much pressure on “sub 9” and you might skip runs altogether when sore or exhausted. Better to let done be the primary metric you track and allow room for grace when it’s needed. Because often… grace is needed. And those who can give it are the ones who truly stay on track.
If somebody says they love you, but acts like they don’t… believe the act. If somebody says they’re trustworthy, but acts two-faced and shady… believe the shady. If somebody says they’re hardworking, but whines at sight of hard work… believe the whine. If somebody says they’re humble, but obsessively tries to steal the spotlight… believe the stealing. If somebody says family is the most important, but scoffs when you say you’re prioritizing family over work… believe the scoff. What’s funny is that the people who act in contradiction to what they say might actually believe what they’re saying. But, what YOU should believe is how they act. Always.
Things you’re never “done” with: Books; Health; Legacy; Art/Creations; Relationships… So stop tricking yourself into thinking that after you’ve: Read the book; Finished that 30-day fitness challenge; Retired from your career; Shipped that one creation; Married the person you love… That you’re “done.” No. You’re *always* just beginning.
Solitude was present just about every great work of my life. For every assignment I was proud of in school — solitude was present. For every martial arts performance I still love to rewatch on YouTube — countless hours were spent in solitude training. For every article I share with pride — including these short, tid-bit pieces I email out daily — solitude happened. And my guess is, if you’re having a hard time producing work that you feel is great — you’re probably also the type who’s having a hard time finding solitude in your day. But, let it be known, if not from me then from Picasso himself — solitude is a necessary ingredient for great work. And if you’re serious about wanting to produce great work, then get serious about prioritizing solitude into your days.
Is the suffering worth the contribution? I have this question sticky-noted at the bottom of my computer screen so that I read it every day. And whenever I feel like I’m suffering from the work I’m choosing to do… I ask myself… Is it worth the contribution it provides? If the answer is no, I stop doing it. Or begin to plan ways I can phase it out of my life (whatever “it” is). And if the answer is yes, well then, I suffer a little less and feel better as I get back to it.
“It’s actually pretty gratifying.” …A friend of mine said about her painted rock side hustle one day. What started out simply as a hobby that entailed collecting rocks on her morning dog walks that she would then paint by night as a creative/ calming outlet… slowly turned into a business name, with chic branding, and small pop-up stands… Not with the intent of massively scaling and changing the world. But, with the intent of sharing her unique gift with those who cared. And the funny thing about sharing gifts with those who care… Is that it’s actually pretty gratifying for one’s self.
Before deep inner work can begin, an empty block of time — filled with nothing at all — needs to be present. What I also learned this year, while visiting family out of town, is that having an empty block of time — filled with nothing at all — is a great strategy for allowing deep inter-relational work to begin. Having structured activities, sightseeing adventures/tours, and meals planned together is undoubtedly great. But, it seems to me that it is in the in-between time — in the moments where nothing is happening at all — where all the magic happens.
Love isn’t a person, place, or thing. Love is the way you treat a person, how you choose to act in a given place, and the things you do that put you into a state of (self) love… Love is a way of being. When love is a person, it leaves when the person leaves. When love is a specific place, it steals away your freedom in a world of possibilities. When love is merely a thing that is or isn’t, it takes away all of your control in the matter. When love is a verb, however, the matter is in your hands. It reminds you that love is created through action — not stagnation. And if you want things to be better — to be more loving and overflowing — then you have to do something about it. Waiting to be crowned with love by the noun god isn’t a good strategy.
Sometimes love needs space. What makes the fire burn strong is the balance between wood and no wood; burn and breath; presence and absence. Too much of one and it’ll smother. Too much of the other and it’ll wane until there’s nothing left for the flames to grab. Navigate this balance mindfully and you’ll keep your fire — and love — burning strong. Assume the fire will keep itself in order… or try to forcefully over-keep it… and it’ll die. When you visualize the love you share with another as af fire… what do you see? A waning, untended to, slowly collapsing fire? A huge pile of wood with a suffocating flame? Or a beautifully balanced, well ordered and maintained fire you can cozy up to at the end of a long, cold day? Spend some time with this meditation and treat your visualized fire how you would that fire while camping at the outset of a cool, crisp evening. Love, like fire, requires active involvement if we want to passively enjoy its emanating heat.
There’s a difference between avoiding your triggers and AVOIDING your triggers. When you consciously avoid people who spew toxicity, for example, that’s strategy. When you AVOID the feelings that arise when you’re triggered and suppress/ numb/ hide — that’s not strategy — that’s a slow tragedy.
One morning I caught myself practicing frustration. I was literally envisioning my enraged facial expressions, body language, and word choice if the shirts I ordered came in late, didn’t fit, or were poorly made… What a waste of time.
The inner work we choose to avoid becomes the outer suffering we can’t seem to escape. As hard as it might seem upfront, it’s the easiest it’ll ever be to confront right then and there. The things we carry with us only get heavier the longer we carry them.
It’s hard to know what’s affecting you when you’re in the middle of the affecting environment. You need to remove yourself and purge your mind (via nature, writing, and meditating) so you can look back or return to the environment(s) with fresh, untainted eyes.
Do not think that today will come without challenges. To think so would be naive and in contradiction to the countless challenging days that have come before. No. Instead, think that today’s challenges will be met with the inner strength, resilience, and resolve that has helped you overcome the endless list of the challenges that have come at you before. And with this… head into your day with your posture straight, mindset ready, and smile on for whichever sorry challenge makes its way onto your path first. Because onto that endless list it too shall go.
Arriving at the destination of your dreams MINUS the substantial hard work is a formula that thrusts an unrealized version of you into over-your-head dream situations… It’s the “author” who can’t hold a deep conversation on the book topic; It’s the fitness “influencer” who can’t teach a 1-hour fitness class; It’s the business “coach” who has never built their own business. It’s precisely the thing that makes arriving at the destination HARD that allows you to actualize your full inner strength and potential. Skipping the hard part only makes your weaker, more incompetent, less insightful version show up to the opportunities you’ve always dreamed to have. Which will quickly turn into a nightmare after all. This is all to say… stop trying to skip the hard part.
Nobody clapping for you is an excellent time to quietly get back to doing purposeful work. Standing ovations are obviously the goal. But, never forget that with them comes a wave of distraction/ obligation/ requests that can easily prevent you from being able to do the purposeful work that got you on that stage in the first place. And doing more purposeful work is always the ultimate win — even more so than the standing ovation(s).
Everything we lose in life leaves a space. Lost love. Lost work. Lost friends. For a while, it’ll probably be an uncomfortable space. But slowly… eventually… you’ll start to see that space as something of a blank slate. And slowly… eventually… you’ll realize that what you have inside is everything you need to paint a new (even better) masterpiece.
Whatever hardship you’re going through right now remember: This too shall pass. What you do while it passes, however, is worth talking about, too. Try and suppress, ignore, hide, or run and the passing will take longer. Remain present, open, reflective, soft, and connected (to yourself and others) — and the passing will come sooner. Time shouldn’t be the end-all-be-all strategy. Inner work is the real means for having this, too, pass… and sooner.
“He was a good man; he lived a good life.” Was said to me by a friend in regards to his father who reached the end of his life. And I couldn’t help but think about how, after everything — after the millions of minutes lived and experienced in this lifetime — people will generally remember us in singular lines and snapshot memories. Which is why before you’ve done everything you’ll ever be able to do (a sobering thought), you should consider what you would most like people to say and remember about you now… and live more often from that place so you don’t end up authoring something you later regret.
I had a 41 year old martial arts student sign up to do her first ever martial arts tournament this year who also, get this, has never done a performance of any kind… ever… in her life. Not for theater, not for music, not for school… has never performed in front of people. And on that tournament weekend, she got to rewrite that part of her story… Remember, that it’s never too late to rewrite a part of your story, too.
I can think back to several times in my life when I could’ve easily died.

Times when I was really sick
Times when I acted recklessly
Times when I’ve been in the path of others who were acting recklessly

And I think about all the proud things I’ve done since those days.

And I think about all of the beautiful interactions I’ve had with others since those days.

And I think about how much progress I’ve made on my path towards self-actualization since those days.

And all of this reminds me that luck is undeniably a part of my life’s equation.

Because I think of the countless others… people whom I knew personally… people who were younger than I… people who were stronger than I… people who acted less recklessly than I… people who were wholesome, good-hearted people… people who were met with just one thread of bad luck…

…And it was there that it all ended for them.

And I think about how this could’ve been me 10, 20, 30 years ago.

And I think about how much I would’ve missed if it had been.

And I think about how there’s no guarantee which way luck goes for any of us moving forward.

And it is with this in mind, that I do my damn best to make sure I don’t waste a single one of these gifts that are bundled up in moments that others would’ve given literally ANYTHING for.

…And I hope, with this in mind, you might do the same, too.

Each of the above lessons were shared to those subscribed to my 1-minute morning emails at some point throughout 2023. If you would like to get morning messages like the ones listed above, you can join my list here :)