5 Ways To Survive Working With A Queen Bee

Keep Shining

They are everywhere. Bosses or colleagues, queen bees are women who make our daily struggles at work more complicated. They are not the strong, assertive, and inspiring women we admire, but mean persons that treat other girls in the office in an undermining way. They are office bullies. Is one of your colleagues diminishing your role, pretending your work is her own, and trying to cut you off? Is she gossiping about you or psychologically sabotaging you? Sounds like a queen bee.

I’m afraid the idea of women supporting other women in the workplace, the sisterhood dream, is not always corresponding to reality. Most of the time young women hope senior women colleagues can serve as advisors or mentors to help them succeed, yet they face unexpected surprises.

The term “queen bee syndrome” was coined by researchers of the University of Michigan in the 1970s on women bosses. According to their work published in Psychology Today in 1974, these women tried to control attempts of other women to rise. Yet, after almost fifty years from their articles, the more I speak to women at work, the more examples of queen bee I encounter.

I’ve experienced it myself in every job I took. My first boss was a young woman who was more beautiful and richer than me. I am sure I was not a menace to her future career. Yet she did her best to limit my growth: whenever there was a little activity that could make me climb the ladder, she used to put me in the shadow and walk right in front of me. Another behavior I hated was when she controlled every step I took, to make sure I didn’t get possession of any little piece of her activity. I felt as if she was competing with me, trying to find my weak points to show her supremacy. She used the personal information I shared with her against me. Yet, she was just the first queen be of a long list.

How do you deal with this experience? How can you neutralize a queen bee and not be victimized, or at least reduce her power on you? This is my survival strategy: each of these steps made me feel stronger. If they worked for me, they will work for you.

1-Find a trusted colleague

Sharing your experience will put it in a more objective light. Your colleague, even better if in a senior role, can support you and listen to you.

2-Improve Yourself

Attend training courses to develop your skills and your industry knowledge. Study, learn, ask yourself new questions. You will feel stronger and more informed.

3-Expand Your Network

Join networks at your company and within your industry. Invite a nice colleague for a coffee, write a nice email, look for persons you admire and who are like you. You will be surprised: people enjoy meeting someone new. Share positive emotions.

4-Find Sponsors

Develop professional relationships with senior decision-makers in your company that could influence your career. Find another boss in the organization by offering to help his department, even with minor tasks.

5-Get interviews with headhunters

Look for other opportunities. You don’t have to stay in a negative work environment.

Most of all, remember that you are not alone. Lots of women, including myself, have been there before. You can change the situation at work one little step at a time. Keep all the energy for you, don’t waste your tears or precious time with your friends and family talking about your queen bee.

Feel powerful and strong. Keep shining.