5 Ways To Rebuild Trust With A Colleague You Hurt

Summary

The article discusses the importance of rebuilding trust with a colleague after causing hurt, emphasizing the need for open communication and effort.

Abstract

The author reflects on a personal experience of unintentionally damaging a relationship with a colleague due to a lack of communication and sensitivity. The colleague felt excluded and offended after not being informed about significant work changes, leading to a breakdown in trust. The author outlines five steps to mend such professional relationships: acknowledging one's feelings, initiating communication, making consistent efforts to reach out, empathizing with the colleague's perspective, and acting promptly to address issues. The author admits to making a mistake by not being transparent and regrets the potential end of the relationship, urging readers to value their colleagues and take proactive steps in similar situations.

Opinions

The author believes that even subtle changes in a colleague's behavior can indicate an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.
It is expressed that one should not ignore their instincts when they sense a shift in a professional relationship.
The author emphasizes the importance of asking direct questions and communicating openly to understand the colleague's perspective.
Consistent, small gestures of care and attention are seen as crucial in maintaining and rebuilding professional relationships.
The author acknowledges the necessity of empathy and understanding in the workplace, suggesting that one should try to see situations from the colleague's point of view.
There is a strong opinion that procrastination in addressing relationship issues at work can lead to irreparable damage.
The author feels regretful and responsible for the situation, highlighting the emotional impact of workplace relationships on individuals.
A call to action is made to readers, encouraging them to prioritize their professional relationships and to not take them for granted.

Knock down a wall

Do you know the feeling you have when a relationship with a colleague changes? It is as if there was a new subtle obstacle you are not aware of: you stop talking openly about your work and about your private life. You find yourself up against a wall. If we consider also that smart working and the pandemic keep us away from each other, then the gap widens.

It has recently happened to me with a dear colleague, a very nice person and a great professional. She is an introvert, so she doesn’t share a lot, or at least not always. She conceals her feelings more than I do. I like and admire her.

Yet I felt she was distant, and she proved it with some cold messages or replies to my emails. When I realized there was a problem, I tried to get closer, asking her to speak on the phone, but I had no reaction.

I was sorry but I was also lazy, busy with my daily tasks, and I let time go by without asking her: what’s going on? On the contrary, the more she closed up, the more I got distant. I didn’t understand what the problem was and I thought, ok, these things happen. Together, we were building a wall.

On the day of her birthday, I decided to call her. Luckily, after a short useless dialogue, she felt ready to open her heart, and she told me about what was hurting her. I didn’t inform her about an important change at work that was taking place in her department, of which I was aware, and she felt we were no longer a team who shared the main aspects of our job. She was offended and she felt she couldn’t rely on me any longer.

I apologized and explained the entire story. I must admit I didn’t think about it, I was just being reserved, as usual, but I was not sensitive towards her. I made a big mistake, and I apologized.

But how sad it is… I am always careful not to hurt the people I love, and I made this mistake with her. I felt horrible.

If I look back on the last weeks, I now see many other steps I could have taken to limit the damage caused by my mistake. Here are some, and I hope they will help you in a similar situation.

1. Trust your feelings. If you think that a person has changed their attitude towards you, then it is true.

2. Communicate. Ask. You might not be aware of what is going on like I wasn’t.

3. Make a little effort, every day. Send an email, a message, make a call. Show that you care about the person.

4. Step into other people’s shoes, and try to understand what’s on their minds.

5. If you care, react, and don’t let things go by, don’t waste time as I did.

I think I will have to work hard to get her trust back, and I am not sure that things will ever go back to the way they were some months ago. So it might be the beginning of the end of our relationship.

Please, if just like me, you care about your colleagues, do something!

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