5 Ways to Process Your Hidden Emotions
Emotions are the feelings inside your soul, inside your thoughts-system. Your thoughts will be also the emotions you have from the events of your life.
For example: think about your 20-years-old sister, who told you in your teenage years that she is dying because of cancer. This has so much an impact on you emotionally. It is very bad news, and you know that she is going to die. You know you won’t ever see her again and you have only the memories as you can’t physically touch her ever again. This is an emotion too. You hid these emotions for years to protect yourself from your pain you feel. Every time someone near you, dies, you think of her and the pain you have. Every time you see on the news that someone dies, you think of her and feel the pain.
Every other time someone dies, you act cool as nothing happened, but deep down you know you want to cry, deep down you know you want to scream, deep down you want to tell everyone you want her to be by your side, hold her and hug and kiss her. You both were inseparable. You want to make new memories. It hurts when you see your friend’s siblings having fun and you can’t have it anymore. That hurts a lot.
You both were inseparable.
Being bullied
When I was a child, I have been bullied almost every day in primary and secondary school. In primary school, I have been accused of having lice, while I didn’t have lice at all. So, every time I have been sent home when there was a moment after the holidays, children were controlled for it. My mother looked at it every time and every time I didn’t have it at all. After every holiday there were mothers looking for it with every child at school. One day there was a mother who told me I have lice and this was not true. She said that, as her daughter, it seemed later, told her so. This made me so angry.
When I was a child, I have been abused. I thought that was the right thing what that person did to me and thus I didn’t say anything about it. Nobody did say anything and didn’t say anything to me about it. I also didn’t speak about what happened to anyone else.
When I was in primary school, the director of the school even told my parents that I am dumb and stupid and that I’m not able to make it in society. My parents told me that too. It hit me a lot at that time. I couldn’t sleep back then, but I also left it behind and didn’t think about it until now, now I’m in therapy. My parents did not believe that at all (and never have believed that, luckily) and always thought I could do anything.
On the other hand, when I was in secondary school, when I got a 6 for the subject economy, a subject which was very difficult for me at that time, which that 6 was very good for me, for someone else it was not good enough. It was a 1 on Gymnasium, the highest educational level in secondary school (in The Netherlands) and I was in VMBO, the lowest secondary school education (with divisions). 1 is very bad and 6 is fine, 10 is the best grade after you have done a test. For that person, it was never good enough what number I got.
Realizing you have emotions to show
When I realized that I needed help with regulating my emotions because of things that had happened, I just asked for help. I couldn’t get my emotions where I wanted them. I thought I had everything under control, but I hadn’t. I still haven’t, but I am on my way, which is fine right now. I am happy with the progress I am making. So, I have a lot of emotions that I built up during my life. For a year and a half, I realized I built those emotions, and I have never shown them to anyone else in my life and I carried it with me all the time and I built a wall around me. My actions were from these emotions built around me all the time and I have never shown anyone, except the wrong emotions. I also have hidden emotions for myself. I never showed them myself, or at least, I thought I did the right thing.
What I want to say is all the emotions you have, are always been with you, inside your system, it is not hidden, but you were never conscious about your emotions and that made you build that all. Your emotions are always have been deep in your system. You never allowed yourself to show these emotions to yourself. How can you do this to someone else if you don’t know them for yourself? It is fine to feel what you feel even if you don’t feel well!
Processing your emotions
When do you know how to process your emotions? Is there any good way? I never knew and I think I will never know. I believe that everyone processes emotions in their own way. Because your own way is good enough. It is the best as you are the only one who is able to know what works for you.
I am a person who feels a lot. This is my process of the emotions I have had hidden, to let myself feel what I feel, and to express what I feel, to understand what I have to do better, and process it. I have neglected myself so much, that I didn’t know what to do, I believe.
Processing your emotions means to look to your past what these emotions mean to you. Where does your emotion come from? Which events happened in your past that you have these emotions? There could be a lot of explanations for that which only you can process through. It is hard to go through, but to go further in your life, you should face it and go through it all.
There are different ways to process your emotions:
- Tell your story to your family doctor
- Talk to someone you trust
- Go to a therapist
- Go to a group with people that have been through the same
- Read about what emotions you have and you have been through
Tell your story to your family doctor
What is important is telling your story to your family doctor. They know what you have been through, and they can help you with what might help you, you’re going through. Your family doctor can reach you information about where you can go into therapy if that is a thing for you and you’re ready for.
Talk to someone you trust
You also can talk to someone you trust and you can fall back to when you’re not feeling well and you’re comfortable with putting your shit on. This person knows you well and loves you for who you are. This person doesn’t mind to get your shit on his plate, even it is only for just listening.
Go to a therapist
As said earlier, going to a therapist is a big step, but going to a therapist means getting better and you’re healing from what is bothering you a lot. I know, it is a big step, but I promise, it is worth it. There a lot of therapists. I have been with a psychomotor therapist. And now I’m with another system therapist. Probably there will follow more therapists in the future, but I’ll see.
Go to a group with people that have been through the same
I haven’t been in a group with other people telling their situations from the past and talking about it with each other. But I have heard about it from other people and I have read about it online somewhere. I read that it helped people finding themselves again and know that you’re not alone facing these things, although it feels like that. The fact and the thought you’re not alone with it gives you a positive feeling.
Read about what emotions you have and you have been through
What might help is reading books and (online) articles and personal stories from the situations you have been through. This gives you more insight into the feelings you face or you might face. I’m still reading about the issues I face in my past. That helps to get through this. I’m also not on my own. I have my husband and my therapist. You recognize yourself in these situations most of the time.
I am a very emotional person. Sometimes I think it is because I have been through a lot and takes everything personally. Since therapy, it goes much better, but sometimes, I just cry. And that is fine because I feel much better afterward. And it relieves too.
This story has been published earlier on Quora.
Other stories you might like to read: Why You Should Be Proud Of Yourself Alone time is very important What Can Fear Do To A Human Being Emotions Don’t Get Weaker — We Use Them Every Day When To Know Your Limits before You Realize You’re Too Tired 20 Things To Do: Health And Stressful Moments In Life How To Change Your Mindset Within 24 Hours Letter to Everyone — Get Your Shit Together
Agnes Laurens is a writer. She writes for the local newspaper. Agnes lives in Bunnik, The Netherlands, with her husband and three daughters. Writing is — aside from playing the violin — is one of her passions since childhood. She is on Twitter and Instagram. Subscribe to my mailing list and subscribe to my Thoughts.
