5 Ways to Calm Down When Your Ego Goes to Town on You

Spoiler: your Ego is lying to you

About a month ago, my father, whom I currently live with, told me that it was time I paid for my own groceries from now. And that suddenly shocked me.

Yes, you might think this is spoiled. And maybe I am a little spoiled.

But the thought of supporting myself financially — whilst I just quit my job with a stable monthly income — left me somewhat flabbergasted.

The fear crept into my chest. The thoughts started flowing in.

Oh my God. How am I going to do this? How can I actually start taking care of myself financially? How will I be able to do this, without my stable 9–5 income?

My Ego went to town on my nervous system with thoughts like these.

However, even though the fear had settled into the familiar place in the middle of my best, another feeling started to emerge. A feeling that came from the bottom of my belly.

A feeling of strength, excitement, and inner knowing. A knowing that all will be well. A knowing, that when I fully commit to myself and my dreams, I will be able to take care of myself financially and I will be able to help others as well.

But all these things could only come true if I just start doing it. When I finally fully embrace it and go for it.

I have let my Ego stop me many times with thoughts such as What if I fail? What if I cannot? What if I suck?

I am sharing such an intimate — and also very vulnerable — story, because maybe you have experienced the same fears and limiting thoughts.

Maybe you are even struggling with it at this very moment.

Maybe those fears and thoughts not the same as I have mentioned above, but maybe you know what it is like to deal with crippling fear.

Fear that doesn’t let you see beyond the worst possible outcome or the current circumstances.

And even though I am still currently experiencing that fear in my chest (but way less now) — I am also here to tell you that it is lying to you. Your fear is lying to you. My fear is lying to me, also.

It is lying to us.

Our fears are a way for our Ego to keep us small and keep us in our comfort zones.

Let us stop believing it. Let us commit fully to our dreams or goals, and put in the effort to make it happen. Let us make our dreams come true.

Let’s make it happen, together.

Here are five tools that I use to calm down my Ego and to gain mental and emotional space to move forward and work toward the life I want to be living.

1. Breathe

Over the past months, I have been trying out several different breathing techniques to calm myself down in moments of fear and worry.

These techniques include:

• Box breathing. Box breathing is a technique in which you imagine a square box. When imaging this box, you start tracing it slowly from one corner to the next. While you do this, you breathe in deeply. When you come to one corner of the square box, you rest for a couple of seconds while holding your breath. Then you move along to the next corner of the box while breathing out slowly. After completing the box once, you should already feel a bit calmer. Repeat as often as you feel is necessary.
• Breathwork. Breathwork is a breathing technique in which you breathe deeply through your mouth, and exhale through your mouth. As this practice is a bit more complicated than box breathing, it requires a more thorough explanation and guidance. Recently I took an online course to learn how to coach myself and others in this practice. Let me know if you are interested in this, then I will make a video on it to guide you through this healing and recharging practice!
• Wim Hof breathing technique. Wim Hof is famous for his ice baths and his breathwork. Recently I tried out his morning breathing technique for more energy. It left me feeling refreshed and very energised afterward. I will explain this method more thoroughly in another article, as it needs more space for a proper explanation.

2. Move your body

Go for a walk, run, do yoga, go kickboxing, stretch, do some sports — just do anything to get your body moving and get those endorphins flowing. This will make you feel better in no time.

Also, walking or running is powerful, as you are literally walking ahead and (when you visualise it) walking toward a better future, away from your fears.

Whenever I feel anxious or frustrated and I cannot get out of my head, I put on my shoes and just start walking or running. Engaging my body in this way helps me gain more perspective on the situation, and it calms my brain down considerably.

3. Set a goal for yourself

We often feel stressed, anxious, or frustrated when we don’t know what is going on or what the future will look like. When we feel like we don’t have any control over any of it.

By setting a goal, you give shape to the future and gain back a sense of control. This helps calm down your anxiety and Ego, as you take away a bit of the uncertainty.

When you set a goal, give yourself a time limit for it. Set a halfway point to evaluate how things are going. This might settle down your anxiety, and show you the bigger picture.

Planning goes a long way to calm anxiety.

Also, by giving yourself direction and a goal, you will be too busy to be distracted by anxiety and your Ego.

4. Just do it

Just do the thing you want to do. Pick up that book, take that course, learn to play guitar, learn how to code, or whatever it is you want to do. Just start.

Starting is often the hardest part. But once you get going and get into the groove of doing it, it becomes much easier and more fulfilling to do. More on how to overcome the obstacles of starting something new or unfamiliar:

Doing a little every day will get you much further a year from now than you were today. That thought often helps motivate me to start long-awaited projects and to-dos.

“If you get one percent better each day for one year, you’ll end up thirty-seven times better by the time you’re done.” — James Clear

Future you will thank you for your effort. Just imagine sitting with your friends and playing them some guitar, or using your awesome new coding skills at your new job ;)

5. Use your voice

Use your voice when you feel anxious, stressed, worried, frustrated, or triggered by your Ego. Voicing it out takes away its power, at least to some degree.

Voicing it out loud airs it out, and makes spaces for more positive thoughts and feelings.

You can talk to a loved one, or simply out loud to yourself.

You can also try screaming into a pillow. Or sigh it out. Do anything you need to do to voice it out and release its burden.

Personally, I have not been so good at expressing my feelings and frustrations in the past, as I didn’t want to burden anyone with it.

However, I noticed that oftentimes people can handle it and that I end up feeling much better afterward. Moreover, it also helps create a deeper and more personal bond between you and another person when you share what is bothering you.

You don’t need to go it alone. We need community, we need each other. It is okay to reach out, share and ask for help.

Of course, do so in a considerate and compassionate way, with the goal in mind to release the crippling fear, get to a solution, or feel better.

I have noticed that by doing this, I can act more compassionately and calmly toward myself and others. It allows me to be a happier and better version of myself. Not just for myself, but also for my loved ones and my surroundings.

Final thoughts

These are a few ways I use to calm down whenever I feel frustrated, anxious, worried, or triggered in any way.

In my opinion, it is not just important to take care of yourself for your own well-being, but also for the well-being of your surroundings.

By being a happier and calmer version of yourself, you can spread that happiness and calmness to others as well.

Do any of these ways of coping resonate with you? How do you cope with anxiety, stress, worry, or your Ego?

Please let me know in the comments below! I’m curious to know if these tips are helpful and if you have any other questions, comments, or tips. I respond to every comment.

You can also find me on Facebook and Twitter if you’d like to discuss it in this way. Let’s connect! :)

Thank you for taking the time to read. I hope it left you inspired or made you think in any way.

Let’s be kind and patient with ourselves in this process of self-discovery and self-improvement.

We got this.

With love,

Jelena

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