Conscious listening
5 Ways to Become a Conscious Listener
1. Admit you’re a terrible listener
What is Conscious Listening?
I wouldn’t blame you if you never heard of conscious listening. But if you are in touch with your spiritual side, then you know you can do almost anything consciously.
You can listen consciously.
Conscious listening is simply setting an intention during conversations to listen better and more deeply. It is being present and giving the other person your full and undivided attention.
Do you think about what you’re going to say when someone is talking? That isn’t conscious listening. When you’re busy thinking about what you are going to say next, you aren’t really paying attention to what’s being said.
When you consciously listen, you’ll probably be in deep thought when the other person stops talking. You think of what to say after the other person has finished talking.
I get it.
Conscious listening isn’t easy. Like many things, it takes practice. You don’t become a master overnight, but you get better every time you practice. You haven’t been consciously listening?
Here’s how to start today:
1. Admit You’re a Terrible Listener
I used to be a terrible listener. The things people said were too long, too boring, or too annoying. I tuned them out and fantasized about better things. My mind wandered and I can admit it.
The first step to becoming a conscious listener is admitting you haven’t been listening.
When I realized how bad of a listener I was, I acknowledged it and set an intention to be a better, more conscious listener. I listened to understand, not respond. Not everything needs a response, anyway.
When you consciously listen, you think of what to say after the other person has finished talking. When you’re busy thinking about what you are going to say next, you aren’t really paying attention to what’s being said.
2. Get Your Thoughts and Emotions Under control
Thoughts send you away from the present moment. Emotions make you take things personally. When you listen consciously, you’re aware of your own thoughts and feelings without allowing them to distract you.
Your mind doesn’t wander.
You stay with the conversation. You allow the other person to express themselves without interrupting them. Interruption is distracting and distractions are unproductive.
I get it.
When it comes to listening, it’s normal to want to say something too. You have opinions. Your thoughts are racing. When you leave the talking to others, they talk and talk and won’t allow you a turn, but you still wait because you are aware that people just love to talk.
People love to talk, but somebody's gotta listen. Conscious listening requires being intentionally present and listening to every word that is being said.
It's hard getting thoughts under control.
What I do when my mind keeps wandering is to repeat in my head what’s been said. Engage your thoughts to be productive during conversations.
Sometimes there are just too many thoughts in my mind to care what anybody is saying. If you have too much on your mind and is making listening difficult, let the other person know. Instead of being disrespectful and tuning them out, ask them to give you a minute.
3. Look People in the Eye
“Look at me when I’m talking to you!” Honestly, I always thought this was a strange thing when people locked eyes with me during conversations and wouldn’t let go.
It’s creepy.
You can look people in the eye without making it weird. The eyes are the gateway to the soul. Look at the other person when the conversation is intense and then look away to give the person a break. A break to scratch an itch or something.
Look at them every now and then to let them know you’re present. Pay attention to their facial expression, their tone, and body language which will tell you things the lips won’t say.
The lips lie but the eyes will tell you the truth.
If the conversation is on a phone, you can still be active by saying things like uh-huh, yea, or other affirming gestures that say you are there. This doesn’t mean you agree to everything — it just means you are listening.
4. Aim to Say Less
Do you know a quiet person who remains silent when you speak and is in no rush to respond? How cool is that? It makes you desperately want to hear what they have to say.
Talking less is cool.
Those who say less and think before they speak are some of the most intriguing people you'll meet. Before I became a conscious listener, I didn’t listen because I had things to say. More interesting things. I wanted the person who wouldn’t stop talking to just shut up! But I learned better and therefore allow people to say all they want to say.
Wait your turn.
Talking is good, but listening is attractive. Talk less, think before you speak, pause in between statements and then blow minds. Allow others to talk, listen because you learn something, and then talk when they stop. This doesn’t mean the other person won’t interrupt you when it’s your turn to talk.
Not going to happen.
Most people will interrupt you. What makes you different is you are conscious of this. And besides, interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the person who is trying to say something and prevents you from fully grasping the message.
Think about it.
Let’s say you’re lucky enough to be talking to someone smart and wise. Would you rather talk or listen? The person talking is giving away information, and the person consciously listening is receiving that information.
Which is the best deal?
5. Put Yourself in Their Shoes
I make it a point to be honest and blunt. It’s unlikely that you'll catch me beating about the bush. But that doesn't mean I must be a jerk. I can be honest and be nice about it. Those who are conscious listeners are empathetic and sympathetic.
If the person talking is feeling sad or frustrated, show them you care and that you’re there with them. If they are excited about something, share in their excitement.
Put yourself in their shoes without absorbing any emotions (energy in motion) that don’t belong to you. As an empath, with every conversation you have, you risk absorbing energies that’s don’t belong to you.
Check-in with yourself.
Pay attention to how you feel before and after a conversation. If you feel worse than you did before the conversation started, you became a sponge. You absorbed energies. Aim to absorb the positive energy. Listen and soak in people’s high vibes. Absorb their motivation and inspiration. Absorb their peace, love, and joy.
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