5 Unhealthy Habits That Keep Destroying Your Relationships

And how to recognize them

We need relationships in life. Romantic ones and friendship ones. This article isn’t directed towards one type of relationship — but all relationships. Every relationship we have in life will bless us with a powerful lesson. Some good, and some bad.

For instance, a romantic relationship we had might have taught us about self-love. And how it’s quite frustrating to love someone else — when we haven’t learned how to love ourselves. A relationship ends, whether that be friendship, romantic, business, etc. and we learn LESSONS.

“Your best teacher is your past experience.”

Life is about giving, not taking. Takers fall behind. They focus too much on what they’re going to get out of every situation they find themselves in. Their first thought,

“What’s in it for me?”

How do we recognize this? We keep making the same mistakes in all of our relationships. Below, you’ll find five unhealthy habits that keep coming up in all of your relationships.

1.) Trying to change the other person

You can’t change people. You really can’t. Everyone and everything on this earth is a certain way for a reason. In order for someone to change, they themselves have to be open to change and be willing to change. We all envision what we want our lives to look like — along with the people and relationships in it. We want to paint the perfect picture.

“But, the picture is never perfect.”

Acknowledging that we can’t change people is the first step. Whether that be a parent, girlfriend/boyfriend, business partner, coach, etc. If you can’t accept and be okay with a specific person and be willing to work together — then it might be time to reevaluate and move on.

2.) Making assumptions

Here’s why assumptions are bad. Sometimes we believe the thoughts we’re creating in our heads, whether they’re true or false. We think of them so often and frequently that we believe them. It’s as if you’ve been telling yourself the “same story” your whole life. You’ve thought the same way as when you were twenty years old — and are still thinking the same way at sixty. I’ve seen it — a little scary.

How to solve this with anyone?

Communicate. Open honest communication.

Learn how to communicate. Learn how to over-communicate. Learn how to be uncomfortable in communicating something that’s been on your mind. If you don’t, the assumptions and blame game will continue. I’ve found that open communication is the main ingredient for any successful relationship. You never really know what the other person is thinking unless you communicate openly.

3.) Comparison/Jealousy

I wanted to pair these two common habits together because I believe they reflect off one another. I’m sure all of you reading this have been jealous or compared yourself to someone or something in your life. I know I have — I still catch myself doing it frequently. We’ve all been there. Hey — we’re all human.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Teddy Roosevelt

Be joyous. It takes work. Learn to be content with where you’re at in life. We compare and then we get into the vicious cycle of constantly doing it. Don’t try to impress people. Be a giver. Focus on giving and the jealousy and comparison dissipate.

4.) Playing the blame game

Whose fault? The famous Kanye West song goes something like this:

Let’s play the blame game, I love you more. Let’s play the blame game for sure. Let’s call out names, names, I hate you more. Let’s call out names, names, for sure.

Blaming others for your faults. I used to never admit I was in the wrong/didn’t know. I used to never take the blame. In my relationships, work, family, and business. It was always the other person’s fault.

Be in the wrong.

Learn how to openly take the blame for something. Learn how to say sorry. Learn how to apologize and comfort the other person. When we admit our faults and shortcomings in life, the doors open even more for us with possibilities.

5.) Using a scorecard

Who’s keeping score in the relationship? Well — no one should be. It’s not about who did this, who did that, etc. It’s about giving.

Giving your time. Giving your attention. Giving your presence.

No matter what the relationship is — using a scorecard will not help it grow and thrive. People bring up experiences to justify current wrongdoings. It becomes a game. A game that can get toxic. Instead of doing that — being open and willing to solve the current problem is what you should be doing. Occurrences follow some people for many years. All that’s doing is keeping you in the past. Learn how to solve the issue at hand—and move forward. This relates back to my second point about “making assumptions.” Learn how to openly communicate.

Final thoughts

Unhealthy habits reoccur in newfound relationships. We may do something years ago, that we again are doing now in our current relationships with whomever that may be. Recognize it. Work on it. Be open to change. Be open to learning how to be better. But, most importantly, learn how to give, and be selfless.