5 Toxic Lies Perverts Exploit to Harass You

And 2 things you need to do differently with sleazy men

I could not punish perverts when I was young, but I never dreamt I would forgive them at 40!

I find it alarming that I gave the freak many chances because he was known to me. He always found a way to talk sex & pretend his cheap talk was innocent banter. Thankfully my patience grew short. I called out his bullshit in the end & he ran, tail between legs. Have you gone through something similar?

You know you have not made a mistake to attract sick perverts.

You no longer believe this lie.

But there are other lies. They are dangerous. Cloaked as innocent beliefs the lies are handed down generations, mother to daughter, father to son.

Watch the lies trotting out blatantly, ditching their harmless cloaks, now that they’ve been caught.

People protect you when you are meek & nice.

I was all of 12 years old when I was petrified by a creep warning me that he knew my address. I ran on my little legs, but the delighted pervert followed me.

We have lied to girls that they live in a spine-chilling world. So girls train to survive by making themselves small.

They tell you to be safe by “speaking softly”, “obeying your elders” or “not upsetting the apple cart”.

Perverts use this lie to reel you in. They scare you into thinking you offend them when they see that you are uncomfortable. Then they bare their fangs to terrify you.

Arrogant drama queens draw pain in the ass boundaries.

Misogyny is as old as time. Nothing highlights it better than the 1592 disaster “The Taming of the Shrew.” Its vile message is that arrogant women need to be tamed.

Sick perverts milk this lie by pretending your boundaries are a pain in the ass. They take a chance that you may buy the lie because they know you’ve been tutored by your caregivers to make life easy for men.

They pretend innocence by asking “what did I do wrong?” or telling you need to chill, because “dude it’s harmless fun.”

To be an adult is a privilege, not a responsibility.

As a girl, you may have learnt to be submissive to adult men. Remember the time you were forced to hug an uncle, warned not to make daddy mad or made to kiss grandad so he can feel better?

What you learn is that you don’t have agency over your emotions or your body.

Suck it up pretty girl to make men happy.

This message disconnects you from your intuition that is supposed to scream “Pervert alert!” Perverts justify that we didn’t speak up so they assumed consent.

A nasty woman knows how to wound with her temper.

We humans experience a mind-blowing range of emotions.

Ironic, because in most cultures, women are not allowed to talk about feelings. This just makes it easy for perverts to label you. You may be tagged an angry shrew when you struggle to express your legitimate hurt, anger or disappointment.

If you are not an angry shrew “it’s that time of the month” in which case you should hold your tongue!

See how easily you can please people when you ease your limits.

People around you show that you make them happy when you relax your limits. Never mind that sick perverts can cross into your territory?!

Every woman has a story in which she has been violated while those who knew better watched on. My heart broke when I heard my mother’s. Her pervert cousin violated her again & again while she was shushed by her family to keep the peace.

Wake up now to the truth that you don’t need to keep the peace to make dirty men happy. Here are two things you can do differently to tackle them:

How to make brave choices to repel perverts.

When you hesitate to choose yourself, a pervert knows. What you can do is practice exercising your choice in small unrelated situations. You will start to stand up to perverts because how you do one thing is how you do everything.

To make it easy, you can list the ways you have betrayed yourself. Eliminate one act of self-betrayal at a time. You aim to make others slightly uncomfortable.

How well do you know your exclusive boundaries?

You still get a sick feeling when a pervert crosses your path. But you learnt to ignore your instincts long ago. You internalized blame.

It is not about you. The sick feeling is the disgust you feel in the presence of the pervert.

You can make a fresh start. You can draw firm lines that make you comfortable connecting with the men in your life. The men you know need to prove their sincerity to you, not the other way around.

Most things in life are simple. So is destroying perverts, once you tackle popular beliefs to tackle them.

I am a freelance writer who writes about women’s issues. If we are the right fit for each other, get in touch with me here for your writing needs.