5 Things You Should Never Do After Sex with Someone New
Avoid these five things for better sex
When you have sex with someone new for the first time, it can feel magical. You’re exploring completely new and uncharted territory.
Plus, you’re both naked and hopped up on “happy” brain chemicals — always a good place to be in my book.
When you finally finish, you might not know exactly what to do.
According to sex therapist Ashley Grinonneau-Denton:
Because we live in a culture that is always on the move, it is not uncommon for couples to rush and have sex to ‘just do it.’ I think the average couple thinks much less about what comes after sex and much more about what occurs during the sexual encounters themselves.
There’s a lot that can go right or wrong when shaking sheets with someone new for the first time. For example, there are five things I’ve found that you should probably never do after having sex with someone new.
Avoid these five things like they are STDs.
Horizontal Exit Interview
Few things are more awkward than peppering your new partner with a barrage of interview-esque questions while lying prostrate and naked in bed.
The sleepy, endorphin-rich period right after sex is not the time for a horizontal exit interview.
Most people simply want to bask in the afterglow of good sex.
Answering questions like, “What did you like, what didn’t you like, and how could things have been better?” can quickly pull people out of their relaxed reverie.
Open communication is an important part of healthy sex life. I’m not saying it’s not.
But timing is also critical. Those first few moments right after sex with a new person is probably not the optimal time for an interrogation.
Enjoy the experience before opening up this line of dialogue.
Keep your questions tucked away in your mental file folder, but wait for at least a few hours before launching into interview mode.
69 Degree Feedback
You might have heard of 360 feedback where everyone involved gives everyone else critical information to improve their performance.
I call it 69° feedback because, well, sex.
The only thing worse than a horizontal exit interview immediately after sex is a critical review of your performance.
When your partner is collapsed in a delicious heap of post-coital inebriation, they don’t want to hear the finer points about their sexual insufficiencies.
Just like the open dialogue, save any criticisms for another day and time.
Most people don’t take criticism very well about any aspect of their life. You probably want to gauge how they respond to your feedback about why they leave dirty socks on the bedroom floor before you criticize something as personal and intimate and possibly ego-busting as sexual performance.
So, sock feedback first, how well they roleplayed a medieval horse while in a sexual handstand feedback second.
If you instantly critique them after the first time you have sex, you might give them sexual performance anxiety for the rest of your sexual relationship.
Keep that first round of sex playful and fun
Funeral Sex
This may be the most depressing name I’ve ever given to sex.
Funeral sex is when you get moody, emotional, and overly serious right after sex. Most guys don’t want to have a serious conversation those first few minutes right after sex. That goes for many women, too.
Not only that, in those sexed-up moments, most men and some women are not capable of thinking and communicating all that clearly.
Again, the first time you have sex with someone new is supposed to be a fun, memorable experience.
It’s hard to enjoy yourself when your partner is crying.
Getting overly serious right after sex can also feel manipulative to your partner. It’s like a salesperson slipping into a pitch after the fourth or fifth round of drinks at a business dinner.
Or a slimy MLM Instagram influencer begging her followers to help her through the loss of a family member by joining her team.
Just…don’t.
Elvis Has Left the Building
Maybe that should have been, “Pelvis has left the building.”
Sometimes your schedule dictates that you make a swift exit after sex. However, as much as you can avoid it, don’t leave the second sex is over.
While you don’t want to get too serious too soon, the period directly after sex can be a wonderful time of relaxation and intimacy. Even for couples in new-ish relationships.
When either person makes a mad dash for the door, it can feel like rejection to the other person.
The same is true for rolling over and falling asleep, reaching for your phone, or any other activity that separates you mentally, emotionally, or physically from the other person.
If you do really need to go, try to stay for at least 30 minutes or an hour. Research published in the Archive of Sexual Behavior links this after-sex timeframe to increased relationship satisfaction — even 3 months later.
Oh, and fellow men, you might be interested to note that women reported higher sexual satisfaction when they received affection right after sex.
Do what you want with that information.
If it’s not possible to stay, hopefully, you’ve given your partner a heads up before sex that you’d need to leave.
You can preempt unpleasant feelings with a little planning and pre-talk.
Bless Me, Father, For I Have Sinned
You don’t want to make any big confessions during or right after sex. Anything that you feel that you need to say after sex should probably be said well before or well after sex.
Professing love or promising marriage and kids during sex is unwise.
If you think the other person needs to know some information or might judge you for something that happened in your life, the best time to mention it is not right after sex.
Just like getting too serious, it can feel manipulative and icky.
This is not the time to confess that you’re married, have 16 children, spent time in prison for human trafficking, or run a dogfighting ring with your toothless uncle Jasper.
My apologies to anyone named Jasper.
You’re not legally required to inform your partner about anything unless it affects their physical health.
However, it’s impolite to wait until someone is in the vulnerable state of post-sex to drop informational bombs. It’s not a good look and your partner will likely resent you for your choice of timing.
Here Is What To Do After Sex Instead
We’ve talked about five things to never do after having sex with someone new for the first time.
Here are good things to do instead:
- Hold each other
- Turn toward (not away) from each other
- Compliment your partner
- Enjoy the afterglow
- Replay the experience in your mind
- Laugh with each other
Final Thoughts
For most of us, right after having sex, your body goes through a mini “honeymoon” with your partner. You feel more attached, your brain floods you with the “love hormone” of oxytocin, and you might feel sleepy.
This is prime time for your relationship.
As a wise man named Marshall Bruce Mathers III once said:
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment You own it, you better never let it go You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
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