5 Things You Really Shouldn’t Tolerate In Your Relationship
Amongst many others, but here are a few things I don’t stand for.
Everybody has their own list of things they would never tolerate in a relationship. This list usually stems from past relationships and things you’ve seen around you.
While no relationship is perfect, understanding which behaviors are major red flags can help you find a happy and fulfilling partnership. I know that throughout my many failed relationships, I never truly knew or understood what was okay and what wasn’t.
It was only when I took a dating hiatus and took a huge step back from dating that I started seeing all the red flags I often overlooked.
There are plenty of relationship problems you shouldn’t tolerate, I’m curious to know what yours are, but below are a few I refuse to put up with, and perhaps they’ll help you in your love life as they’ve helped me in mine.
Not being a priority.
Life is overwhelming. Sometimes things get out of balance, and your relationship gets put on the backburner. But, if it’s a common occurrence, then it’s time to change the dynamic.
My ex used to have guy night every single night, and looking back on it, I remember how crushed I would feel over the canceled dates and feeling like he didn’t care enough about me to even spend time with me.
I wasn’t a priority, and it really does make you feel like crap when it seems like all you do is try, but your s/o would rather spend time with his friends instead of you.
When your partner is your priority, it means their emotional needs are as important as your own. You prioritize how they feel, what they want, need, etc., and your relationship is a safe place for the two of you.
Putting your partner first means his or her needs, feelings, and wellbeing take priority over other people or things.
Emotional, verbal, or physical abuse.
Abusive relationships often start out as controlling ones.
First, it’s little things, like wanting to know who you’re talking to, or why you’re going out with your friends when you could be with them instead. It’s asking why you liked x, y, and z’s pictures online, and did X really have the audacity to ask you to meet them for coffee?
Next, they start making fun of you, poking at things they know are private or sensitive, and when you try to express how it makes you feel, they gaslight you.
When you’re in love with someone, it’s easy to let things slip. You tell yourself it’s your fault you made them angry, it’s your fault you didn’t respond in a timely manner, everything is your fault, and that’s why they’re acting out.
That’s why they break your heart with emotional abuse; that’s why they obliterate your confidence with verbal abuse.
“They’ll never actually hit me.” You tell yourself. Until it happens, and they swear they won’t ever do it again.
It’s a neverending cycle, one that is better to get out of before it starts. If you feel like you’re in a relationship like this, walk away. If you’re scared, talk to someone who can help safely remove yourself from the situation and end the relationship.
They’re not worth it. You deserve more.
Belittling your aspirations and dreams.
It’s not possible to have a happy and healthy relationship with someone who doesn’t want to see you achieve your goals and aspirations.
My ex never understood my dreams. And instead of trying, he would just tell me they were too far-fetched or stupid. “It’s not realistic to live by the beach,” or, “It’s not realistic to work for yourself, don’t be stupid, apply for a real job like a regular adult.”
There’s a huge difference between someone who provides constructive criticism and someone who insults your work ethic, mocks your dreams, or tries to convince you to give up.
If you ever find yourself in a place where you feel like your partner isn’t even willing to understand why you want a certain lifestyle for yourself, you need to confront the issue or walk away from the relationship because it’s not doing you any good to stay with someone who doesn’t want the best for you.
Wandering eyes.
I can’t respect a man who looks at other women while with me. It’s unacceptable, I’ve been through it before, and I refuse to ever put up with it again.
There’s nothing worse than being on a date with someone you care about and seeing them eye the waitress’s ass when she walks away.
Or when you’re trying to have a conversation with them, and as you notice them looking at something, you follow their line of vision only to have it land on some smoking bombshell walking by.
There are a lot of attractive people in the world, beautiful women who look like they descended from heaven, men who look like Greek Gods, but at the end of the day, you have to remain faithful emotionally and physically to the person you claim to love.
If you want to browse, be single.
A lack of respect.
Boundaries are important to establish within any relationship, so you don’t overstep or make the other person feel disrespected in any way. There are also little things that are sort of, well, common sense.
For instance, not sharing the things you tell one another in confidence with other people or not bringing up your insecurities and throwing them in your face.
A few years ago, I was dating someone who honestly didn’t even understand the meaning of respect. One thing in particular he did was shame me for eating or missing gym sessions.
I’ve always had body image issues. He knew about them, but instead of giving me constructive criticism or simply being supportive, he would say things like, “No wonder you’re overweight; you skipped the gym today.”
If your partner likes to crack jokes about your feelings, or they bring up sensitive topics, or maybe they simply overstep constantly with little to no thought as to how it will affect you, then it’s a huge sign that your partner doesn’t respect you or your emotional wellbeing.
You deserve better.
You should never feel like you’re settling when it comes to your love life. You should never feel like you’re settling in general, actually. Life is filled with incredible individuals that are dying for the opportunity to meet you and treat you right.
So stop bypassing the red flags, stop tolerating unacceptable behavior because you’re scared you won’t find someone better.
Take some time to write your list of things you’re not willing to tolerate and stick to it. Make a promise to yourself that the next person you choose to love treats you exactly the way you deserve.
