5 Things That Happen When You Stop Gossiping

There’s a whole world beyond talking about other people.

We all vent to our friends sometimes. It’s a natural part of friendship, and it would be kind of weird if we didn’t complain to the ones we love every once in a while. Our friends and loved ones are there to support us, and therefore they want to know what’s going on in our lives, both the good and the bad.

However, gossiping to and with our friends all the time is different.

A little gossiping here and there happens. I definitely fall into it sometimes. I try to be aware of it though and not engage in it too much, especially lately. It’s begun to feel unnecessary to me.

If all you ever do when you get together with your friends is gossip, then there’s probably a lot of stuff you’re missing out on. In my opinion, gossiping gets in the way of other things. It can be kind of all-consuming, and honestly, I find it exhausting. I’ve been guilty of it plenty of times, but I don’t want to be anymore.

When you stop gossiping, it may feel weird at first, especially if you’re used to that being the main topic of conversation among you and your friends. When you stop focusing so much on other people and start focusing more on yourselves, you might be surprised by what you’ll discover — and how much more you’ll enjoy yourself along the way.

You have more fun.

Personally, I think talking about other people all the time is boring and stressful. I have enough going on in my life; I don’t need to take on everyone else’s drama. I’d rather talk about an interesting Netflix documentary you watched or your current biggest goal or your favorite self-care routine. I don’t need to dwell on who’s mad at who unless it directly affects my life. Even then, I’d rather try and address it than gossip about it.

Gossip happens sometimes, but if it’s the only thing that happens during a social interaction, that just doesn’t seem like very much fun to me.

Whenever I do fall into it, I find myself stressed and worked up afterward, and I have to work to achieve a sense of calm and stability again. I have to remind myself that those after feelings just aren’t worth it.

I don’t think people realize how stressful gossiping can be until they stop doing it. It gets you all riled up and fills you with a nervous energy. When you stop gossiping, you end up feeling more relaxed and put yourself in a much better headspace. Ending the gossip sets you up to have way more fun, and who doesn’t want that?

You feel more secure in your relationships.

Whenever I’m with a group of people and they’re gossiping about someone, I immediately can’t help but think, “What are they saying about me when I’m not around?”

When we gossip, I think we forget that we’re not the only ones who can do it. Other people have the ability to talk about us, and the chances are high that they probably do. The more we gossip about other people, the more we probably get gossiped about. That’s just how it works.

When you stop gossiping, you immediately feel more secure in your relationships because you become less worried that people are going to turn around and gossip about you, too. After all, we teach people how to treat us. If we talk about other people less, hopefully, our friends will follow our lead.

By not gossiping, you put yourself in less of a position to be gossiped about, and in more of a position to have healthy relationships instead.

You stop getting sucked into dramatic situations.

I’ve been in situations where a friend is mad at another friend and wants to vent about it to me. I try to actively listen and be as supportive as I can, but I also usually try to make it clear that I’m not trying to get involved in their conflict. The times I have ended up involved, it definitely hasn’t ended well.

When you engage in gossip about other people with your friends or loved ones, it’s easy to get worked up about it. If you know the people they’re talking about, then it’s even easier — and it’s also easy to find yourself wanting to get involved. Even if you don’t directly involve yourself in whatever the situation you’re gossiping about is, sharing your opinion about it is indirectly getting involved.

Gossip is often centered around something that someone else did or said. We rarely gossip about something mundane. It’s almost always about something dramatic, and the thing is, the more we talk about it, the more dramatic it becomes. Gossiping only perpetuates the drama, whereas addressing the conflict directly would put an end to the drama and allow everyone to move forward instead. If you’re someone who claims they “hate drama,” gossiping isn’t going to help support that claim at all.

When you stop gossiping, it becomes so much easier to avoid dramatic situations, even if they’re happening amongst your friends. If you refuse to engage in it, then you can’t be involved. It’s as simple as that. If your friends want to vent to you about what’s happening, that’s one thing — but as soon as you start getting worked up and take sides, you end up involved in the situation, whether you want to be or not.

You learn more about people.

If I sit down and think about it, the people I gossip with the least are probably the people I know the most about. That’s not a coincidence.

When you stop talking about other people, it gives more space for you to learn more about whoever you're hanging out with. Instead of talking about what someone else did, you can ask them questions about their life. What’s something they’re really looking forward to this month? What was the best part of their day yesterday? What’s worrying them right now? What was their favorite part about the way they grew up? What’s their main goal for next year?

Even when we’ve known someone for years, there’s always more to learn. Focus on that learning process rather than gossiping. It’s so much more rewarding.

You learn more about yourself.

When you take away the gossip, you open up the space for deeper conversations. Through deep conversations, you can learn a lot about whoever you’re with, and you can also learn a lot about yourself, too.

Everyone we know has different life experiences and different lessons they’ve learned along the way. When we engage in deep conversations, it ends up forcing us to look deeper into ourselves, and we may end up discovering something we didn’t realize before.

I’ve had so many conversations with friends where they’ll say something and I suddenly realize something about myself that I may not have noticed otherwise. Those kinds of conversations are so valuable, and I’ll always treasure and remember them way more than conversations where all we do is dwell on the mistakes of others.

I definitely struggle with gossiping sometimes. I don’t think any of us are immune. The more we try to be aware of it though, the more we can work to overcome it.

There are so many beautiful conversations that exist beyond talking about other people. Let’s strive to find them.