5 Things Other Men Do That Drive Me Crazy

Trust me, guys. It’s not a good look.

I’ll get this out of the way right off. I’m a guy.

I’m proud to be a guy. Being one doesn’t shame me, and I know it’s okay to be one.

But there are some things other men do that drive me up a tree insane, and I’d like to address some of those here and now.

Enforced manhood isn’t real manhood.

I am sure at least some of my viewpoints on other men has been tainted by the fact I was raised by an abusive guy.

For whatever reason — likely from enforcement put on him by his own father — his idea of “raising me right” for many years was to beat the girly out of me.

If I showed even a whiff of doing something he considered unmanly, well, that was cause for an hour’s worth of berating and a few strikes of the hand.

I’m sure I’m not alone there.

The idea of enforced manhood has been a thing for many generations. We are raised with it, understood it inherently. It was a part of our makeup. Thankfully, in recent years, that has started to change in many places in the world, and I’m glad about it. Maybe in another generation or two, we humans can look back on the concept and laugh.

Unfortunately, for now at least, we have to take it a lot more seriously.

I’ve had many male friends over the years and had the chance to see what “manly men” act like. I’m ever-so grateful I could avoid becoming the horror show I’ve witnessed in others.

Not that I’m perfect, mind. But I’ve never picked a tray out of a hot oven with my bare hands because “the pads are for wimps.”

Yep, saw that first-hand. I had to get the aloe for him from the bathroom because he could do nothing more than hold his fingers to his chest and whine.

When I worked a particular job years ago, two men quit because they refused to work under a woman when she was promoted to manager.

How does that make any sense?

She ran the place well, by the way. They lost out on a couple of good raises.

I’ve never seen a group of women get together to have a vagina-kicking contest, but I’ve seen nut-kickers a few times in my day.

That’s when a group of guys will stand in a circle taking turns whaling into the scrotum of the others until someone “gives.” That guy gets called a wimp the rest of his days.

Oh, and then there was the individual at a party who got so into proving his manhood he stabbed his own hand clean through with a knife.

That led to reconstructive surgery to repair damage and I don’t think he ever got full use back in that hand afterward.

Yep. Big man. Gotta love it.

What they say to women and each other is disgusting.

Any of this sound familiar?

“Are you on your period or something?”

Ahh, the ever-wonderful “let’s blame everything on the hormones” routine.

Look, sure, some women can get a little grumpy when they are having their cycle. It comes with the territory. But did you ever consider her reaction to the things you are saying or doing might actually be because you’re an asshole?

Nah, didn’t think so.

“I was just kidding!”

Oh lord, this gets said to every gender and sometimes for the most horrific things.

Buddy, what you said or did was a jerk move and you’re getting called out for it. Own up to it.

You know… take it like a man.

“Quit acting like such a girl!”

Again, this goes for any gender.

Most fathers raise their sons in environments where “girly things” and “boy things” are expected to be completely different. Women are supposed to be relegated to the kitchen with the dishes, and in some places the whole “barefoot and pregnant” thing is all too real.

Let my father catch me with a Barbie and he would have taken me down.

Yet I could play with GI Joes and Transformers.

Sorry to break your heart, dad, but those were dolls.

None of this goes into the gaslighting, and the narcissism, and the sexism, and the…

Most guys are incapable of admitting they lost.

This is a mindset from an early age. I’m 51 now, and the generation I came up in had a saying: “Perform. Exceed. Do not fail.”

The machismo oozes off the walls like the bad cologne we thought would drive the women nuts.

I’ve rarely seen a gal get worked up over sports to the point she’ll beat someone up or trash a house. The amount of men I’ve known to do that very thing is extraordinary.

The bathrooms are like a war crime.

I thought guys were supposed to be the expert hunters?

So why is it so impossible to aim a hose as well as they can a gun? There is no God with this kind of logic.

Men’s restrooms are the filthiest things I have ever run across. As a germaphobe, I can’t stomach it.

I have, I kid you not, seen crap rubbed all over the walls, piss covering every square inch, and paper towels spread from hell to breakfast in those things.

Can we take a moment of silence for all the poor folks who have to clean up afterward? I feel for you. I really do.

I think it’s interesting that some bars put black marker dots on the urinals to give guys a spot to aim for. It seems most men can’t control the thing long enough to get it in the right zone.

Oh, but we’re supposed to be masters in the bedroom with the same thing.

Can you feel me rolling my eyes?

Alpha males need to take a back seat.

The amount of bragging spewing from the mouths of these so-called “alphas” is astonishing.

Look, I admit I was a bit of a slut when I was younger. But the way these men treat the women they have been with is disturbing at best, and deadly at worst.

The violence may not come from their hands, but it sure does from their mouths.

Men have a way of excusing other males for the worst of offenses, but if a woman were to say or do the same sort of things, they’ll vilify them as a whore.

Or, you know, violently mistreat them.

It’s shameful.

Then there are the physical pranks men pull that cause serious harm. That all-so-perfect “Just kidding” line follows most of those.

Bonus crazy train bull crap.

For some reason, most consider beer a manly drink. To think something otherwise is tantamount to the worst of sins.

I knew someone who admitted he had to force himself to drink three or four a day until he started liking it. Wait. What? Why?

I’d rather have one of those awesome fruity cocktails and not have my mouth taste like bread that’s been out in a rainstorm and used as a sex-toy for snails.

Not to yuck anyone’s yum. I just can’t stand the flavor of it myself and can’t fathom being forced to drink it to prove I’m a man.

Unsolicited dick pics? Can we make those a thing of the past, please?

You can have the thing and be proud of it. I’m sure it’s a very nice penis. But no one wants to see it when they’re trying to eat their PopTart in the morning and open it up at random.

Maybe it is overcompensating for things? Might go hand-in-hand with the truck getting one mile per gallon and five thousand dollar hideous looking shoes.

Oh. Sorry. I was just kidding.

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