5 Things Nobody Knows About Sri Lanka’s Sigiriya Rock

For some reason, nobody seems to know anything about Sigiriya Rock.

Whoever made the Seven Wonders of the World and left this one out should be slapped.

1500 years ago an ancient Sinhalese king decided he wanted to construct an incredibly modern fortress city on top of that huge fucking rock (200 meters (660 ft.) high, with a width of over 2.5 km (1.5 miles). Through sheer will power, and clearly, for the pride of pointing to it and saying he lived on top, this massive megalithic structure was constructed.

I had actually never heard of this place before arriving in Sri Lanka. But to be honest, I hadn’t heard much of anything about this country. It doesn’t get a lot of traffic from the wanderlust community. It felt like the wild west of backpacking. I spent over a month there; riding the trains, taking buses, doing safaris, even living in an all-deaf community, but the one thing I will never forget is Sigiriya. The Lion Rock.

1. The entire city was built on top of a 200m high boulder

Sometime around the 5th century in Sri Lanka, King Kasyapa, who had a massive set of nuts, decided he wanted to build a city on top of a 200m high giant rock. His reason for this? He was actually born to a non-royal concubine and had no legitimate heir to the throne. But that didn’t stop him from killing his king father; having him walled up alive until he died, and sitting his giant nuts down on his new throne. His decision to build in such a ridiculous locale came from wanting to defend himself from his brother, who was the legitimate heir to the throne.

The ruined city on top was discovered to have houses, farms, and even a 52m long water reservoir where they grew plants, washed, and drank from.

2. One of the stone walls is so highly polished the king could see himself in it

To bathe in the glory of his coup, King Kasyapa commissioned that one of the stone walls lining the walkway up to the top was to be so highly polished that he could see himself in it. The ‘mirror wall’ as it was aptly named in Sinhalese, can still be viewed today, though it’s not as polished as it once was. It’s so hard to find dedicated workers these days.

I can only imagine the king, after having seen himself from all angles on the way up, standing at the highest point of his kingdom, butt ass naked, and wave his giant cock at his enemies below, not only for having conquered the throne but for also having polished granite into a mirror. What a legend.

3. It sits on top of a massive set of claws and looks like a giant lion

Pride Rock move over. As if having real lions on a rock wasn’t good enough, King Kasyapa decided to have a huge set of lion claws built near the base of the boulder so that when people would visit they could look upwards and envision the entire rock was a giant lion.

He then named it Sigiriya, or Sinhala, which literally translates to Lion Rock, just to hammer the point home. Just to up the intimidation factor, they even had ‘boulder farms’ at the top filled with giant rocks that were dropped onto any enemies who challenged the lion. In the immortal words of Dante, “Dude, you can get past a dog. Nobody fucks with a lion.”

4. The water garden system was so advanced they could pump fresh water up to the top

At the base of Sigiriya were a series of water gardens, refilled by rainwater, and from the lake located nearby. While this was convenient for those who lived at the base of the city, they needed to get water to the top. King Kasyapa and his architects designed a series of stone reservoirs and water pumps that used pressure to carry water from the ground all the way up to the sky city. The main pipe led right under the largest pool, and bubbled up from under the surface. Not only that, but some of the pipes were designed to run behind stone benches to cool the stone and provide air-conditioned seating for the inhabitants.

5. Giant frescoes used to cover the sides of the rock

Which I can only envisage as a “Pimp My Ride” kind of moment, King Kasyapa decided to further the extravagance of his city by authorizing the use of an entire 140m long and 40m high wall to be covered in giant frescoes of naked women. These murals were so incredibly detailed that they included elaborate bodies, faces, and hairstyles to adorn the nude characters. Some of these paintings are even still visible today as a testament to their quality and preservation and are quite racy.

As a tip, don’t take pictures or videos of these as you will be promptly assaulted by the local security guards, like yours truly was. If you need to get out of this situation, wrestle your camera away from them and then delete the files so there is no evidence of the incident. Then ignore the old white tourists shouting “haven’t you learned your lesson?” when you put up a drone to get more footage.

Sky fortress, check

Badass king, check

Mirror wall, check

Water pumps, check

Air conditioning, check

Giant naked women, check

How Christ The Redeemer beat this place out as the seventh wonder of the world, is a wonder in itself.

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