5 Surefire Ways to Kill Your Dreams Before You Actualize Them
You don’t have to worry about destroying your dreams because these five destructive practices will ensure you never actualize them.
“Mindset this, a mindset that, I wish someone would cancel that damn word. I’ve had enough of the mindset and self-help bullshit. Okay, you change your mindset and what,” He paused with one of his hands in the air.
Now all your dreams will come true. What? Elon Musk is gonna drop a mil on you. I’m sure some starving kid in Cambodia wishes he could dream up a cheeseburger with his mindset.” He said just before biting into his made-to-order croissant sandwich.
“Apparently, the thought of a starving child in Cambodia didn’t stop him from choking down that croissant sandwich,” I thought.
As not to stare, I turned my head and finished my research while sipping my sencha green tea.
With my eyes on my laptop screen, I could see him leaning his face into hers and hear every word he said. He was loud and animated enough for most patrons in the French Truck area of the atrium to hear him.
Then I saw his female companion slowly close her book and place it to the side. Her eyes were glued to him as he went on and on about “billionaires running the world” and “lazy ass people who think they don’t have to work hard.”
She said nothing. She didn’t even sip her coffee. With her hand propped under her chin, she seemed to listen intently.
“I-I used to be into this stuff, and I wised up and realize these people are just trying to sell books.” He said as he banged on her abandoned book with his index finger. “And they make money off of real people who have to get out there and work. Everyone’s dreams can’t come true, or like that Osborne kid said, “who’s gonna clean the toilets.”
Oh no, he didn’t. I thought once more. If it’s not a starving child in Cambodia or Africa, it’s someone’s toilet. How about you clean your own damn toilet?
After that, I couldn’t take anymore. I put on my earbuds as Thelonious Monk’s A Monk’s Dream drowned out his foolishness.
The irony of that was not lost on me as this story was born.
How to effectively Kill Your Dreams
Dreams can die in the creative incubator of our minds before they ever actualize in our life. Some are abandoned, while others are shot down through fear and complacency.
We may think we are a victim of circumstance or a child of chance, but many dreams are killed by the dreamers themselves, and here are 5 surefire ways we can do it.
1. Hang Out With Serial Dream Killers
If you want to shame yourself out of your dreams, continue to hang out with serial dream killers. A serial dream killer will give you every reason in the book why you should give up, not try, and forget about your dreams and aspirations.
Serial dream killers will give you a long list of people who have tried and failed at the same thing you’re trying.
You can’t hang out with dream killers while working to actualize your dreams. It’s death to the personal development process.
You are a nuisance to them. Your hope, joy, and enthusiasm about your goals irritate them because they have already killed their dreams and laid them to rest.
2. Give Up Agency Over Your Mind and Your Thoughts
When I saw the woman close her book, sat it to the side, and listened to him, the grown woman in me wanted to have a tête-à-tête with the grown woman in her and say,
“Girl, don’t let this fool tell you what you should and shouldn’t read.”
Yes, I was miffed for a moment, but I decided to practice what I preach and mind my own business.
Still, I know too many people who allow strong personalities, whether it is a friend, parent, spouse, or lover to get in the mental and soul space that belongs to the individual.
If we allow these overpowering personalities into our mental and soul space, they will charge in and rearrange the furniture in our psyche. And when the lights go out during the dark night of the soul, they won’t be there when you run into the sofa.
As a being and a soul, you get to decide what happiness, success, and fulfillment look and feel like for you.
3. Stop Doing the Work
Hey, we’re grownups here. We know when we aren’t doing the work. And though we may not always know how to definitively describe what doing the work is, we know when we’re not doing it.
We know when we are in default, and we’ve stopped being intentional about our day-to-day lives. We know when we are living reactively versus proactively.
We know when we are tired from swimming against the current.
If we stop doing the work, we’re swimming against the current. Swimming against the current is exhausting, and the exhaustion causes us to run out of gas, give up, and abandon our dreams.
4. Spill the Tea on all Your Plans
You must practice discernment to protect your mind and your dreams from dream killers. But you must also practice discernment to protect your dreams from dream stealers. You can’t share your goals, aspirations, and dreams with everyone.
I’ve learned to move in silence.
I’ve been the one who spilled all my green sencha tea with my heart wide open only to have my ideas stolen or plans usurped by a frenemy. Yes, I’ve been fortunate to recover each time, but it still took time to get things back on track.
There are only two types of people with whom it is safe to share your aspirations, plans, ideas, and dreams:
- People who have already been where you want to go and have demonstrated a willingness to help others.
- People who have supported you in the past and want to see you win.
5. Don’t Have a Plan
What’s worse than telling a frenemy your plans is not having a plan at all. Know the difference between living in the moment and not having a plan. Know the difference between believing the universe will provide and not having a vision.
After a few failures and setbacks in life, I’ve discovered that where there is vision, there is provision. No, I don’t consider the Universe and all of its resources a genie ready to grant our wishes.
Instead, if we plug into the field of infinite possibilities with a vision, the Universe's infinite organizing power will stream provision to and through you.
It’s not so much about the plan but about focus and intent.
Self-Help Doesn’t Hurt If You Follow the Path of Wisdom
Now that we’ve discussed ways to kill your dreams, let’s take an honest look at self-help. Self-help is not a replacement for therapy or counseling. Self-help books and courses are a starting point for self-evaluation and setting your feet on the path of personal and self-growth.
Undermining our mindset and how it affects our cognition is, well, let’s just say it isn’t a growth mindset. Decades of study and research have been dedicated to comprehending how mindset affects academics, work, and peak performance.
Improving our mindset, focusing on our goals, and nourishing our minds, bodies, and souls with wisdom leads to actualizing our dreams and living happy, fulfilled lives.
Fam, I’m Curious. What are your thoughts on transforming your mindset? Please share your thoughts in the comments.
And here are two great stories from Authors who believe in the power of actualizing your dreams: