5 Subtle Lies We Tell Ourselves That Hold Us Back In Life

Where the lies stop is where the growth begins

The only thing that holds you back in life is yourself.

I found that out the hard way in college.

I locked myself away in my dorm room for the first two years of university.

I kept telling myself, “I don’t need people”.

Just went to class, came back to the room, and played video games.

This was one of the lies I told myself to protect my fragile ego and hide underlying insecurities.

One of them was that I was afraid to talk to people because I constantly thought I would embarrass myself.

It took me the next two years to realize and confront that lie.

We often use lies to build a comforting shelter to rescue us from our true selves.

But the lies we tell ourselves only set us back. Some may cost us years that we can never reclaim.

What you tell yourself really does matter. Because it can impact how you live out the rest of your life.

Here are some common lies that we tell ourselves and how they can set us back in life:

“I’ll Get to it Tomorrow”

This is a very selfish lie that screams: “Fate is in my hands. Life must wait on me”.

Fate is something that happens to you. And it can only be changed today or accepted later on.

By pushing your life until tomorrow, you lose all chances to change fate today.

Then, you are only left with a future to accept. And it’s going to be one that you don’t want.

I kept pushing off my school assignments and almost flunked out of college.

I failed multiple classes and had to retake them because I kept telling myself, “I’ll do it tomorrow,” but tomorrow never came.

Fate, on the other hand, did come.

You could write that article tomorrow.

You could practice guitar tomorrow.

You could check up on that friend tomorrow.

But what’s stopping you from doing it today?

That’s the question we must ask ourselves.

Fate does not stop you. But it won’t prevent you from stopping yourself, either.

The point of life is not to bet everything on tomorrow. But to embrace today and make it as fulfilling as possible.

Stop taking a rain check on life.

“Everything is Okay” (When it’s Not)

Sometimes, things aren’t okay, and you need to express that.

I used to get bullied in school and would come home every day telling myself, my parents, and everyone else that “it was okay”.

I thought it was weak to ask for help. So, I tried to do everything on my own.

I bottled it in for years, making me selfish and insensitive for a long time.

Suppression does not help anyone. You hold not only your emotions but also yourself back.

In life, you can’t do everything yourself. You need help sometimes, and that’s OKAY.

Be honest with yourself and reach out to someone if you need to.

Now, this is not an invitation to complain or unload emotional baggage on everyone. This is simply a reminder to express yourself when need be.

Sometimes, it won’t be okay, but you can make it better the moment you accept that.

“I Don’t Have Time for X”

In most cases, you have more time than you think you do.

But, we tell ourselves this lie to give ourselves an out. To not have to be responsible for our lack of progress or change.

This lie is a way to blame time for the life you have.

“If only I had more time, then I could be X”.

Yeah, OK.

If you can’t make time to do the work now, what makes you think you would with additional hours?

Saying “I don’t have time for X”, really means:

“I don’t want to make time for X”.

Which is perfectly fine.

But don’t lie to yourself and blame time for your lack of progress.

If something is important to you, you will always make time for it, no matter how busy your schedule is.

“I Need X to be Happy”

This is one of the most damaging lies we tell ourselves.

I told myself this all the time.

“I’ll be happy when I get a girlfriend”.

“I’ll be happy when I become rich and successful”.

The “I need x to be happy” lie only delays your happiness and defers it to a later date.

People are not symbols of happiness.

Items are not symbols of happiness.

These are things that we can endlessly chase. It never ends.

Telling yourself this lie makes you outcome-oriented instead of experience-oriented.

“For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” — Victor Frankl

Happiness flourishes from the experiences we have in life. Not in the possessions we obtain or achievements we receive.

There are always going to be more items to gawk over.

But there are only so many experiences a human can have.

Every waking moment is another chance to be happy. Give yourself permission to enjoy every one of them.

“I Can’t Change”

Yes, you can. You just don’t want to.

I told myself this bold-faced lie every time I failed at something. It gave me an excuse to stop trying when things got too hard.

This is the main thing holding people back:

Having the desire to change but not acknowledging the fact that you can.

The “I can’t change” lie implies you’re undeserving of change. By saying “I can’t”, you are rooting a self-destructive idea that repeatedly tells you you aren’t good enough to try.

None of that is true. But it feels so easy to believe it.

“We’re afraid to let go of the beliefs that we’re inherently deficient.” — Mark Manson

Every being on earth is worthy of life. And therefore, worthy of change since change is an inevitable factor in life.

The journey of healthy change starts with the first step. You must realize that change is possible.

The second step is taking small actions toward that change every day. Something doable for your life specifically.

Final Thoughts

What we say affects what we believe. And what we believe will influence how we act.

If you want to change your belief system, it must start with the words you tell yourself.

Lies pile up and become difficult to notice as they harden in your mind.

It’s essential to reflect often and question your beliefs to ensure they align with your goals in life.

Telling myself constant lies has diminished my social competence. I’m still repairing that today.

Be honest with yourself. You won’t regret it.

Be around honest people. You definitely won’t regret it.

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Never live in anyone else’s expectation, live for yourself for you are the only you there is.