5 Steps to Prevent Insecurity From Controlling You
Don’t let it keep pulling you into the same mistakes
“It all begins and ends in your mind. What you give power to, has power over you, if you allow it.”
— Leon Brown
You know those rip currents at the beach that your mom always warned you about? The terrifying undertow? You had to stay away from certain places so that you wouldn’t be swept out to sea. The deadly current was hidden in the waves, ready to pull anything that wandered into it.
Insecurities are like that. They lay beneath the surface of our emotions, coursing through our mind until one of our feelings falls in and gets sucked into a whirlpool of fear, guilt, or anger. It’s a cycle that will continue through your life if you don’t stop playing to close too the current.
So what can you do to avoid getting sucked under again and again?
Self-evaluation
Before you can get anywhere, you have to know yourself. Do you have insecurities? It’s probably safe to safe that we all have some. What are yours? It may take some time to realize them since you’ve lived with them your whole life and just accepted them as part of who you are.
Start being more self-aware when you’re in various settings. Do certain people make you start feeling or acting differently? Do you tend to get quieter or more talkative? Why? Can you think of something that happened in the past that could still be affecting you today? Have you ever heard that saying that knowing the problem is half the battle? You have to know what your insecurities are before you can start to work on them.
Identify your triggers
What kinds of things make you nervous?
Maybe you’re intimidated by men with strong or loud personalities. Maybe women who seem to have it all together make you feel inferior. Or maybe men in general make you nervous, or women, because of something that happened in your past. If you’re on a date with someone who has more of an overbearing personality, do you feel intimidated and just let them take control and speak for you because you feel inadequate?
It’s important to know what kind of situations or personalities cause your insecurities to flare up. Why? Because knowing your triggers gives you the opportunity to recognize a potentially problematic situation and go into it prepared. If you know how you normally react to something, you can change that. If you don’t know what makes you act a certain way you’ll flounder around in the same old feelings, not having a clue why in the world you do it.
Take responsibility
It’s easy to try to blame others for our insecurities. “My parents made me this way.” “ I was in an abusive relationship.” “I was always picked last for teams.”
Those events had a hand in forming your insecurities, but they do not have control over your life. You have the power to change how you view the world, and how you react to the way you are treated. The people who hurt you are not going to heal you, you have to take the steps to do that. Don’t waste another day believing you will always be unloved, unimportant, or unable to make a meaningful contribution. Start taking steps to be in control of your life.
Improve your knowledge of emotional intelligence
Our emotions are complex and formed from a plethora of factors. Do some research on it. Learn about the psychology of how insecurities are formed. There are multiple books, videos, and teachers on the subject, as well as free information easily available on the internet, like this article from Harvard. You can always invest in learning from a counselor too, or you can ask a person your trust to mentor you.
Put what you learn into action
Emotional strength comes with practice like any other skill you want to learn. If you want to get better at something, you can’t just read about it, you have to go out and practice it. When you find yourself around someone with a personality that bothers you, stop and be aware of any emotions that are rising up. Take a deep breath. Identify them and address them. Give yourself a mental pep-talk.
The same applies if you’re going into a setting that makes you nervous, whether it be a crowd, a new experience, or a new job. The more active steps you take to overcome your insecurities, the more you will grow. You won’t keep getting into toxic relationships, you won’t keep undervaluing your work. You will start to see your worth
To Review
Realizing your emotional strengths and weakness will help you in all areas of your life. You will know what you need to work on, as well as areas where you shine. Improving your emotional intelligence will improve what you bring to relationships, your work, and interactions in everyday life. To get started, work on these areas:
- Self-evaluation
- Know your triggers
- Take responsibility
- Improve your knowledge of emotional intelligence
- Put what you learn into action
