5 Steps To Escaping The Loneliness Cycle

#3. Delete Social Media

This loneliness epidemic we’re in seems to be a clear problem in the world right now, and with it being so spread out throughout the entire world, is there any true way to overcome it?

I believe there is, especially when it comes to preventing the next generations from experiencing this symptom of loneliness.

Step One: Disable The Alarm System

The first step to it is to disable the alarm system.

Your brain triggers an “alarm system”, which is a biological warning that alerts us of the danger of being isolated.

This alarm system can take over your thinking and can make any time you’re alone in a state of fear.

Our bodies form a biological warning system to alert us of the dangers of isolation.

The problem is this primal urge is so strong that it can play around with our thinking and make genuine social connections seem impossible.

This is one of the most important steps because if you can’t become aware of this urge and be able to shut it off, nothing else will be able to overcome it.

To disable this system, we need to become aware of the negative thought patterns that can happen with it.

The main thought pattern that keeps feelings of loneliness is over-generalization.

This occurs when you take one isolated negative experience, and turn it into a never-ending pattern of defeat.

For example, if one social interaction goes poorly, you might now think, “I always mess up my social interactions” which will make it less likely for you to involve yourself in social interactions.

Then, once you do finally break that bubble and take the chance to be social, your brain can signal to you, “Nobody here likes me, they all find me boring” which only furthers the loneliness cause and locks you in a cycle.

Their patterns can get way worse if you let it.

For example, you can meet someone at a party or a bar and think they’re wonderful to be around and talk to.

However, the second they move their attention somewhere else, your view of them can quickly go from amazing thoughts about the person to thoughts of hatred and regard them as horrible.

After all these negative thought patterns happen while you are out at a social event, you can come home to thoughts like, “That went horribly. I’ll be alone forever. No one will ever really want to be friends with me.”

All these thoughts create feelings of shame and guilt in you for feeling this way, which only ends up increasing your loneliness and difference from everyone as no one else is showing signs of shame and guilt.

These same thoughts end up repeating in every interaction, and the next thing you know you’re stuck in a cycle of loneliness.

If you’re reading this, just know that these thoughts aren’t technically real or the truth, it’s just your brain throwing stuff at you out of fear of danger.

Next time you experience these thoughts, do your best to realize that unless there’s specific real and true evidence in front of you supporting it (which oftentimes there won’t be) then these thoughts are not real.

Step Two: Look At It Differently

The second step involves re-framing our viewpoint on loneliness.

As I mentioned before, the thought patterns can bring out feelings of shame and guilt alongside this loneliness, which signals to your brain that you are flawed.

However, instead of giving in and letting your brain control you and put you down, take a step back and see if you can view this in a different light.

Loneliness is a normal human experience, and while the brain has an extremely weird way of dealing with it, the root of these feelings is a signal to reconnect with others.

Saying, “I’m lonely, and I will be forever” with a sound of defeat and shame will only keep you in this cycle longer.

Viewing it instead as “I’m lonely, but what can I do to move forward.” with a sound of acknowledgment and readiness can help you view it as something you can overcome and allow you to brainstorm ways to get out.

Luckily, you don’t have to brainstorm too much because now that we’re done with the internal steps and ready for the external steps.

Third Step: Delete Social Media

The third step is to limit your screen usage and delete social media apps. I don’t know how many times I’m going to tell you to get rid of these apps, but I hope that one of these times you’ll do it.

Social media and screen time seem to be huge factors killing our connections with others.

What once was relationships that had meaning now became plenty of relationships that don’t mean anything to us.

Scrolling online only shows us more of these relationships and also all the other good in other people's lives, which can reinforce that shame and guilt of how we’re lonely and not doing cool stuff like everyone else (even though they’re most likely going through the same thing.)

It’s a new toxic addition to the loneliness cycle that will keep you there if you let it.

Try deleting these apps and lowering your screen time for just one month, and see if you can notice any changes in how your mental health is.

If you can’t delete these apps for thirty days, then you need to reevaluate your relationship with them, and wonder who’s in control.

Now that you’ve taken action and made a dedication to lower your screen time and social media use, you now have a bunch of time back on your plate!

This time has to be spent somehow, otherwise, feelings of loneliness will attempt to consume you and you’ll end up right back where you started.

Step Four: Back To Real Life

The fourth step then is to start prioritizing face-to-face interactions. Attend social events, meet friends for coffee and catch up, or even look into local clubs or classes that spark your interest. The reason this is so important is it allows us to finally find a deeper sense of connection when compared to connections made on the phone.

Albert Mehrabian was a researcher who broke down the components of a face-to-face conversation.

He found that communication is 55% nonverbal, 38% vocal, and 7% words only.

Now that we’re in person once again, we can finally start experiencing full and deep communication with other people and explore rich conversations.

During these rich conversations, put in the effort to listen actively and really hear what the other person is saying.

Treat it like a game to see how much you can find out about the person, and if there’s one thing that’s true, is people love talking about themselves.

So don’t just spend it figuring out how you’re going to respond, as it could make the conversation seem superficial and one-sided.

This also gives us a chance to practice small talk, which has been one of the biggest cures to my loneliness cycle.

Now that you’re not on your phone as much, you’re present in the world once again.

So, while you are waiting in a line for coffee or engaging in an activity, practice talking with strangers.

My go-to is to give a compliment on what they’re wearing whether it’s a jewelry piece or a T-shirt.

I know this is a big step for most people, so take your time with it and work on the people you do know first.

However, once you build up some social confidence, give it a try and watch how open other people are to you.

Step Five: Gratitude

The fifth and final step is to practice gratitude.

Gratitude is one of the most beautiful things to practice, and can completely shift your negative thought pattern in the opposite direction.

Our thought of loneliness have been amplified by our brains primal urge and social media use, because we allowed it to.

We gave attention to what our brain was focusing on.

Gratitude gives us a way to break that negative thought pattern, and instead give us a chance to focus on the positives.

For example, you could be going through a cycle of shame and guilt after a social event you viewed as bad with a friend.

Gratitude in that moment could be being able to think, “Wow, even though it didn’t go as planned I am still grateful that I got to see my friend. It’s not often I get to see her.” One thought like this can change everything.

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