IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY

5 Songs to Cry in Your Room With

From my playlist to yours

There are a million reasons to be sad, and very few to be happy.

I feel good in fleeting moments — little things which catch me by surprise. Like a new cocktail mix, a dip in the weather, or a comment on Medium.

On most days, I’m walking around with a dark cloud over my head. There’s a numbing comfort in accepting how you feel, and not pushing yourself to be different. It’s like a blanket that keeps you warm and smells of home.

Occasionally, my meter of melancholia starts ticking. It gets a little worse every day, till I feel like an anvil is sitting on my chest, and I can’t move.

I find the need to let it out with a party for one.

If I were a more optimistic person, I’d say that music adds a soundtrack to my life. But in reality, it drowns the voices in my head. Other’s words, equally sad, but much more meaningful, get me by every second of the day.

When I feel the pressure mounting, I allow myself a good cry.

My playlist for this ritual is titled “Comfortably Sick”. I’m coming out of a two-week low, and I feel like I couldn't have survived it, without the tracks.

You don’t need to cry, but if you like sad songs, then give these a listen.

5. TV — Billie Eilish:

I’ve been her fan since she was fourteen, singing in her room and uploading songs on Spotify. Her words touched my dark heart and never left. She’s a rare artist, whose entire discography I’ve listened to on a loop.

For this list, I’ve picked one of her surprise releases from last year.

In her piece, over only light strums of her guitar, Billie describes Millennial angst like no other. It’s simple, yet layered and poignant. It makes you think about everything that’s causing you pain, and what you're doing to numb it.

Sit back, and allow her to add the missing pieces to your broken thoughts.

Favorite lines:

The internet’s gone wild watching movie stars on trial While they’re overturning Roe v. Wade

4. Shallow (Cover) — Lewis Capaldi:

If a person’s voice could convey, “Now, they know what heartbreak is,” that would be Capaldi. It’s unusual, raw and brings profundity to the lyrics.

Contrast that with his public personality, and impressive standup delivered at every concert, and you’ve made a friend for life. He’s annoyingly good.

I’ve listened to every song he’s recorded, but this was the first. I found it one night, while randomly browsing through YouTube. And it was divine.

He hadn’t hit his stride yet, and that packed an extra layer of vulnerability.

Favorite lines:

In all the good times, I find myself longing for change And in the bad times, I fear myself

3. New Year’s Day — Taylor Swift:

She’s one of the most known singers on the planet, but to me, she’s a storyteller. Her lyrics often inspire me to write, especially poetry.

In this piece from her Reputation era, Swift sings of a worse thing than heartbreak — being in a fragile relationship that you don’t want to lose.

Something about the clean-up after a New Year’s party is deeply melancholic, reflecting on memories that are fleeting and catching up to life. When you glance around and see your past, present, and future.

Sung over simple chords, they remind me of ominous, bitter endings.

Favorite lines:

Please don’t ever become a stranger Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

2. Falling — Harry Styles:

I’ve been following Harry since the glorious days of One Direction. And I don’t seem to mind the passage of time much when I listen to him evolve.

Although this one is extra special. The video, the lyrics — a work of art.

When you traverse those familiar crevices, recognize that push, and know you’re falling again, what do you do? If only you could save yourself or receive a sign in advance and run away. But that’s not how life works.

You’re aching over the same pain while tracing lines over the scars, thinking this time it’ll be easier. You’re wandering again, seeking nothing.

Favorite line:

And the coffee’s out, At the Beachwood Cafe And it kills me ’cause I know we’ve run out of things we can say

1. Liability — Lorde:

I have about 350 songs in this playlist, and how much I like each one often depends on my mood. But this one has sat at the top, for five years straight.

Have you ever had someone hold a mirror to your wounded soul?

When I’m with people, these are the words running through my head. They were jumbled before I heard the song. And the first time I did, the experience was spiritual, an unbelievable connection. I felt understood.

It’s hard to know what lyrics usually mean because art is a subjective medium, but in this case, I think I do. Our pain comes from the same place.

The only person who can truly know you is yourself. It's sad and freeing.

Favorite lines:

In the living room, but all that a stranger would see Is one girl swaying alone, stroking her cheek

Author’s Notes:

I’m usually conscious of sharing my choices in music because most of what I listen to are popular songs. I organize private concerts in my room, because of my dislike for huge crowds, and crushing social anxiety.

If someone asks me who my favorite band/musician is, I’ll probably choke and respond “Swiftie for life” and then be branded as basic.

But lately, I’ve had a few ideas rattling in my head, which I thought were worth putting out into the world. Just because my favorite flavor of ice cream is Vanilla Bean by Häagen-Dazs, doesn’t mean I hide from it.

Thank you Charlotte Ella King for liking my taste in music. You’re the first person to say that to me, and that nudge was enough for me to hit the keys.

Recent music pieces by other writers that I loved: