PERSONAL & RELATIONSHIPS
5 Songs That Changed My Life (Part 2)
A very personal writing prompt
Here’s part 2 of my story.
4 — Chris de Burgh — “Turn, Turn, Turn”
This song changed me when I was an adult.
In 2010, my father’s father died. He originally lived just under 2 hours away from us but was in a retirement home in our town.
I remember exactly when my father got the call. I never saw him like that. He was completely distraught and beside himself.
My mother was overwhelmed. I was in my early 20s, had just started my first job, and was traveling a lot. So I had a bad conscience anyway because I only saw my parents once a week.
Even though my father is very unpleasant. I wanted to be there more often back then.
I offered to go with him to my grandpa’s home place where he wanted to be buried. My father just said okay, and a little later we left.
I took care of the funeral planning with him there and everything that needed to be done.
Actually, I did everything. My father was standing silently beside me.
The lyrics [1]
To everything, turn, turn, turn, There is a season, turn, turn, turn, And a time to every purpose under heaven; A time to be born, a time to die, A time to plant, a time to reap, A time to kill, a time to heal, A time to laugh, a time to weep;
To everything, turn, turn, turn, There is a season, turn, turn, turn, And a time to every purpose under heaven; A time to build up, a time to break down, A time to dance, a time to mourn, A time to cast away stones, A time to gather stones together;
[…]
How it changed me
This song was the only song played a week later at the funeral.
A time to be born, a time to die, A time to plant, a time to reap, A time to kill, a time to heal, A time to laugh, a time to weep;
My father cried. I saw him cry for the first time in my life. And I never saw him cry any time later. This changed me.
I realized that even my seemingly heartless, often cold, and narcissistic father can have feelings.
My grandfather was always distant, except for shaking hands in greeting and a few words at the dinner table, he never talked much. However, he also experienced two wars and was himself a prisoner of war for some time. That changes people more than I can and want to even begin to imagine.
He never talked about it. Nevertheless, I liked my grandfather and was happy to visit him with my parents. He had chickens, carrier pigeons, and barn rabbits. Of course, they were also eaten, but I was still allowed to pet them and had a great time there in my childhood.
My father and grandpa also hardly talked when we were there. But I know that my father is also so distant because his father was.
To see that he can also show emotions was a positive experience for me. Despite the sad circumstances.
I drove by car again on the day of the funeral, my parents went with me. In the funeral room, there was a speech, and this song was playing.
As my father’s tears ran down his face, I took my father’s hand. He squeezed it gently. The song brings tears to my eyes every time.
5 — *NSYNC — “Tearin’ Up My Heart”
This song changed me when I was an adult.
The song was playing on the radio when I was on my way to my client. I always drove over 300 km by car, so I had a lot of time to think.
At that time, I was still with my narcissistic ex-boyfriend. He gradually controlled more and more aspects of my life.
He didn’t want me to have dinner with my colleagues after work. I should buy something to eat in the supermarket and eat alone in my hotel room.
I should write him every 15 minutes and call him every hour. So that he knows that I am faithful to him. That I am not seeing any other man.
I have remained faithful all the time. He was not faithful to me, of course. But he always projected that onto me and restricted me where he could.
The lyrics [2]
It’s tearin’ up my heart when I’m with you But when we are apart, I feel it too And no matter what I do, I feel the pain With or without you
Hey, yeah!
Baby I don’t understand Just why we can’t be lovers Things are getting out of hand Tryin’ too much but baby we can win
Let it go If you want me, girl, let me know I am down on my knees I can’t take it anymore
[…]
How it changed me
Most of the lyrics don’t fit. But those lines opened my eyes:
It’s tearin’ up my heart when I’m with you But when we are apart, I feel it too And no matter what I do, I feel the pain With or without you
I realized the following: I am discontented and unhappy when I am with him. I am just as unhappy when I am far away from him and working with my customer.
Not because I miss him. But because he controls me and treats me badly. I thought about it for a while.
At some point, I decided to finally break up with him. That was the best decision of my life back then.
Join with my link to get full access to all stories on Medium!About Me — Iris B. Stehn ▪ Twitter ▪ Facebooksources: [1] lyrics by https://www.musixmatch.com/de, [2] lyrics by https://www.musixmatch.com/, [3] https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/staind-dark-stars-48045/, [4] LyricFind, Songtext of “Fade” © Warner Chappell Music, Inc
