relationships

Friends don’t take friends for granted: 5 signs your mate’s a mooch

If you often find yourself leaving short-changed after hanging out with a certain friend, then this one’s for you.

While most of us tend to work toward becoming more independent as we grow up, there are some who favor anything but.

And in the division of selfish people, today we point our undivided attention to the ‘Mooch’.

A mooch, put lightly, is someone who never shouts their round at the bar, pays for their share of food or always — conveniently enough — says they will shout next time.

Don’t be confused: a mooch isn’t someone simply trying to save a few bucks. A mooch is someone who is happy to spend YOUR money on themselves, regardless of their financial situation.

Beware, for they are not easy to spot; they don’t stand out in crowds, on public transport or in classrooms. Instead, they stand out at check-outs, when the bill arrives or anywhere where money they may — but usually don’t — spend is mentioned.

Usually a mooch’s lousy attitude towards money reflects other areas of their life, too.

Perhaps the most confronting of all things is that the mooch thinks you don’t realise — which is almost a little insulting. And, funnily enough, there are times when a mooch won’t even realise they’re mooching.

It’s a given that most of us will come into contact with a mooch — you’re either friendless or awfully lucky if you haven’t.And if you’re still having trouble identifying one then here are five signs to help you figure out whether or not your mate’s a Mooch:

They Arrive Empty-Handed

In fact, this becomes a trend; the Mooch tends to visit you at your place more than you’d go to theirs for the obvious reason: your hospitality. A mooch is happy to enjoy the comforts and luxuries of your place and never usually says no to beer, food and wine.

Have you ever been to their place? Do you even know where they live? If you do ever make it over to their place don’t expect a place to sit let alone a glass of water.

They Cry Poor Post Spend

I once covered a friend’s share of scotch as he had “no money”.

A few scotches later, he brought up his recent three-week journey around Japan and how he stayed in a 6- star hotel which included his own private chef ($700 per night). SMH.

It’s almost as if moochers think they deserve some kind of reward for spending money; they spent their money so now thou shall be rewarded with free scotch? I guess they missed the part where what they bought was for them, and what they’re mooching from us is ALSO for them.

They Don’t Respect Anybody’s Things

I once lent a friend a flip phone only to have him return it as a two-piece. His logic: it’s fine because he was angry and I had another phone.

Why? Moochers don’t care for your money, so why would they care for what it’s spent on (especially if it doesn’t benefit them in anyway).

They Never Forgot That one Time They Were Generous

That’s right, Mr (or Miss) Mooch finally bought you something.

It comes as such a shock and you may begin to believe you were being too harsh to Mooch. You begin to believe that maybe they are alright and the friendship is worthwhile.

Then suddenly, the next hangout involves Mooch bringing up how they bought you something, without realising, remembering or appreciating the times you bought things for them.

You let it slide and shout this round. But hang on, the following hangout involves the Mooch bringing up that one time they shouted you, again.

You realise Mooch still is and probably always will be a Mooch…

The last and most blatantly obvious: THEY STILL OWE YOU MONEY

The hardest thing to come to terms with is the fact that your so called mate will most likely never pay you back.

It’s sad, really, but there’s not that much you can do.

Now, if you’re anything like me you probably are the unfortunate friend who has to cover said mooch. While there are worse things, having to frequently pay for someone is tiring — it really is. In the end, there comes a point where it is just easier to go out without them.

After reading this you should be able to identify a mooch, possibly evenk confront them. Although I don’t think there’s an actual way to deal with moochers, the Art of Manliness provided a few small suggestions here. I guess you could always try and mooch the mooch but somehow I think they’d catch on quite soon.

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