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Abstract

ou are doing or trying too hard to please.</p><p id="432f">Ask for what you need from others. Unspoken agreements are just assumptions. And this is a passive-aggressive way to communicate. Declare what you expect and let others choose to agree or turn you down. With such clear communication, you can choose to stick around or walk away.</p><h1 id="1aed">Physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion</h1><p id="620a">This year has been a difficult one for many people. There is so much to do, and all in the face of uncertainty. Before, most of us had a system and a routine that ran almost seamlessly. But that has changed.</p><p id="3df3">Attempting to recreate what we had before is a recipe for physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion.</p><h2 id="05a2">Action</h2><p id="79dc">Have a simple schedule. Prioritize tasks in terms of importance and urgency. Start with what must be done, like feeding the baby. Next, proceed with the most important tasks even if they may not appear urgent — like exercise or any activity that nourishes your mind, body, and heart. And so on. Stop as soon as you start to feel drained. Tasks that are neither important nor urgent can fall on the wayside. Consider that a productive day.</p><p id="bf64">These suggestions may be long overdue, but feeling overwhelmed is not only restricted to the pandemic. The only difference now is that we are experiencing the exhaustion en masse.</p><h1 id="0016">Forced conversations or Talking too much</h1><p id="d60c">How do you respond to a lull in conversation with someone? Some of us are too uncomfortable with awkward silences that we can’t sit still in between conversations.</p><p id="e687">To avoid this discomfort, we blabber. Due to the inability to sit and be at peace with ourselves, we talk about irrelevant things or share unsolicited information. We try to control our surroundings by talking too much.</p><p id="7398">Forced conversations are the same. If there are random unnatural stops in a conversation, like a tap whose water is flowing out in bursts due to air bubbles trapped in the pipe, you are trying too hard.</p><h2 id="ab9d">Action</h2><p id="5c50">Stop talking, take a breath, and wait out the silence. If you are spending time with a partner, close friend, or family member, you can pick a book to read or engage yourself with a different activity. Not everyone will be enthusiastic to talk all the time.</p><h1 id="a527">Overgivin

Options

g</h1><p id="8c40">Too much-giving points to a broken internal sensor. You don’t notice it until you have started to feel resentful or too exhausted. And at that point, your giving gauge will be blinking bright red — danger.</p><p id="b543">We give too much when we are feeling guilty or unworthy — as an attempt to control others — by making them need us. Sadly, that never works. People with a tendency to give too much attract people whose appetites are insatiable. They take and take some more. When you find yourself giving and rarely receiving, there is an imbalance. It’s unhealthy.</p><h2 id="5d4a">Action</h2><p id="ba37">Watch how much of your time, energy, and resources you give. What is your motivation for it? Audit yourself. Stop giving indiscriminately. Give to those who are in real need and those that are deserving of your time and energy.</p><p id="be3c">But start with dealing with your feelings of guilt, unworthiness, or whatever insecurities that may be driving you to give to the point of neglecting yourself.</p><h1 id="e8f7">Overthinking</h1><p id="3a15">Constructive thinking is necessary, but overthinking is not useful. It is the main ingredient for procrastination. If you find yourself on a thinking loop about a person, issue, or situation you have little control over, you are battling some inner conflict. You are trying too hard to handle a problem that cannot be solved by overthinking.</p><h2 id="b794">Action</h2><p id="7b85">Detach. Remove yourself from the situation and try to look at it from a third party point of view. When you are too close to someone or in the middle of an event, you can’t be objective. Decide what you can control and what you can’t.</p><p id="7857">Take action, no matter how small. It will distract you from useless thoughts. It also leads you to a better solution. Let go of the unknowns. The universe has a way of sending you help whenever you take action.</p><p id="ebf0">Sometimes we have to follow the externally set legal, ethical, and moral rules and guidelines. But when it comes to running our lives and choosing what is best, our internal monitor knows best. And it will let us know when we veer off too much.</p><p id="0289">When we notice we are getting resentful, exhausted, talking, giving, or thinking — too much, our inner selves are crying out for help. It’s time to reevaluate how in sync our outer life is with our inner selves.</p></article></body>

5 Signs You Are Battling Internal Conflict

Physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion

Many of us live based on a template. For each area of our lives, there are unwritten, unspoken, but clear enough guidelines.

These rules dictate how we should act and carry ourselves. There is a checklist for how a good daughter/son, sibling, friend, parent, spouse, daughter-in-law, employee — ought to behave. We switch them depending on which role we are playing at the moment — without consulting our inner guide.

We assume meeting all these set standards will lead to a perfect life. Along the way, the pressure to live up to the facade increases. Trying to hold everything together, pleasing everyone, and resisting change become too much. We surrender.

But we don’t have to wait until our lives begin to crumble under the weight of impossible-to-reach standards. We can learn to spot early the incongruence between who we are and what we think we should be. We do this by living in a way that does not benefit others while hurting us at the same time. Because ultimately, living like that hurts everyone.

We learn to be conscious of our needs and those of others and to prioritize without neglecting either.

But before we opt for change or adjustment, we will have to learn to spot the signs of this conflict within us.

A buildup of resentment

When we are not ourselves, it means we are trying to be what we imagine others or the situation requires us to be. We expect others to behave a certain way too.

We assume if we are or act in a certain way, we will fit in. Others will accept and respect us. They will also repay us for our effort.

When they don’t live up to these expectations — which is almost always — we become resentful.

Action

Whenever you start to feel resentful, pause. Explore the source of this feeling. You will most likely discover you are doing or trying too hard to please.

Ask for what you need from others. Unspoken agreements are just assumptions. And this is a passive-aggressive way to communicate. Declare what you expect and let others choose to agree or turn you down. With such clear communication, you can choose to stick around or walk away.

Physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion

This year has been a difficult one for many people. There is so much to do, and all in the face of uncertainty. Before, most of us had a system and a routine that ran almost seamlessly. But that has changed.

Attempting to recreate what we had before is a recipe for physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion.

Action

Have a simple schedule. Prioritize tasks in terms of importance and urgency. Start with what must be done, like feeding the baby. Next, proceed with the most important tasks even if they may not appear urgent — like exercise or any activity that nourishes your mind, body, and heart. And so on. Stop as soon as you start to feel drained. Tasks that are neither important nor urgent can fall on the wayside. Consider that a productive day.

These suggestions may be long overdue, but feeling overwhelmed is not only restricted to the pandemic. The only difference now is that we are experiencing the exhaustion en masse.

Forced conversations or Talking too much

How do you respond to a lull in conversation with someone? Some of us are too uncomfortable with awkward silences that we can’t sit still in between conversations.

To avoid this discomfort, we blabber. Due to the inability to sit and be at peace with ourselves, we talk about irrelevant things or share unsolicited information. We try to control our surroundings by talking too much.

Forced conversations are the same. If there are random unnatural stops in a conversation, like a tap whose water is flowing out in bursts due to air bubbles trapped in the pipe, you are trying too hard.

Action

Stop talking, take a breath, and wait out the silence. If you are spending time with a partner, close friend, or family member, you can pick a book to read or engage yourself with a different activity. Not everyone will be enthusiastic to talk all the time.

Overgiving

Too much-giving points to a broken internal sensor. You don’t notice it until you have started to feel resentful or too exhausted. And at that point, your giving gauge will be blinking bright red — danger.

We give too much when we are feeling guilty or unworthy — as an attempt to control others — by making them need us. Sadly, that never works. People with a tendency to give too much attract people whose appetites are insatiable. They take and take some more. When you find yourself giving and rarely receiving, there is an imbalance. It’s unhealthy.

Action

Watch how much of your time, energy, and resources you give. What is your motivation for it? Audit yourself. Stop giving indiscriminately. Give to those who are in real need and those that are deserving of your time and energy.

But start with dealing with your feelings of guilt, unworthiness, or whatever insecurities that may be driving you to give to the point of neglecting yourself.

Overthinking

Constructive thinking is necessary, but overthinking is not useful. It is the main ingredient for procrastination. If you find yourself on a thinking loop about a person, issue, or situation you have little control over, you are battling some inner conflict. You are trying too hard to handle a problem that cannot be solved by overthinking.

Action

Detach. Remove yourself from the situation and try to look at it from a third party point of view. When you are too close to someone or in the middle of an event, you can’t be objective. Decide what you can control and what you can’t.

Take action, no matter how small. It will distract you from useless thoughts. It also leads you to a better solution. Let go of the unknowns. The universe has a way of sending you help whenever you take action.

Sometimes we have to follow the externally set legal, ethical, and moral rules and guidelines. But when it comes to running our lives and choosing what is best, our internal monitor knows best. And it will let us know when we veer off too much.

When we notice we are getting resentful, exhausted, talking, giving, or thinking — too much, our inner selves are crying out for help. It’s time to reevaluate how in sync our outer life is with our inner selves.