5 Secrets to a Happy, Healthy Relationship with Your Young Children

Developing a happy and healthy relationship with your children should start at the early years

You have probably heard most people say that parenthood does not come with an instruction manual. The minute you start having children, you could be at a loss, wondering how on earth you could raise these little creatures into responsible and successful adults.

You might even doubt yourself if you have not had a great relationship with your parents and how you could pass along things that you never experienced before.

We all have our fears when we are just starting to raise children. Not only do we worry endlessly about keeping them healthy and safe, but we wonder how we can establish an excellent rapport with them.

As our kids slowly grow before our eyes, they develop their personalities, each one so different from the other. If you have two or more young kids at home, then you can understand how, for instance, one can be so friendly while the other likes being left on their own.

Developing a happy and healthy relationship with your children should start early on. It can be more challenging when they are in their teenage years to create a bond that wasn’t there before. The question here is how you can do it while they are still very young and totally dependent on you.

1. Show interest in activities that they enjoy

If you are the type of parent who likes to play hide and seek with your kids in your free time or play their favorite board games with them after work, you are on the right track. Children will appreciate the time you spend playing with them or getting involved in what they enjoy doing. They may be young, but they feel love.

“Children who spend time with their parents participating in activities together build a positive sense of self-worth,” writes Dr. Jozelle Miller, lecturer, psychologist, and wellness consultant. “When children feel that they are valued by their parents, they feel more positive about themselves.”

Dr. Miller adds that it does not have to be expensive or fancy. “Family activities don’t have to be expensive or luxurious to be meaningful. Take a walk together, play football or play scrabble. The important part is just being together and enjoying each other’s company.”

A parent who reads a favorite story to a young child before saying goodnight creates a unique bond. You can be sure that a child will look forward to special moments like that. It gives them a feeling of warmth and comfort. As they grow older, they can always look back to fond memories of storytelling time with mom and dad.

2. Listen to what they have to say

There may be days when you are caught up in so much work that you don’t have much time for anything else. One of the most important things that you must remember is that children need to express their feelings just like you.

“When children feel understood, their loneliness and hurt diminish. When children are understood, their love for their parent is deepened,” says renowned child psychologist, psychotherapist, and parent educator Haim Ginott.

Professor Ginott, author of Between Parent and Child: Revised and Updated: The Bestselling Classic That Revolutionized Parent-Child Communication, highlights how this will establish a good foundation for your child’s well-being.

“A parent’s sympathy serves as emotional first aid for bruised feelings. When we genuinely acknowledge a child’s plight and voice her disappointment, she often gathers the strength to face reality.”

Listening to your kids will go a long way in developing a strong relationship with them. You build up trust, which is such an essential factor in any relationship, more so with your children. They need to know that they can tell you how they feel and that you will be there to listen and understand.

3. Keep your promises

Children will always remember what you have promised. Don’t break them. Better still, avoid making promises you can’t keep. Once again, the trust factor is involved here. A child’s memory is unbelievable. When you say something, they will hold you up to it.

“[C]hildren begin to comprehend promissory obligations in social interactions at around 3 years of age, an earlier age than what is documented in the literature,” a study of German preschoolers in 2017 has found, as published in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology.

“Furthermore, they suggest that promises in prosocial or collaborative situations may help young children internalize a sense of obligation to helping others and that these promises have important normative implications.”

For a child, broken promises are heartbreaking. Doubting what you say when it happens too often can lead to distrust. If your child can’t trust you, there is a problem.

4. Be firm but gentle

Every household must have rules, and you should set them for your kids to follow. You can expect a bit of rebellion now and then, but you must stick to what you set out. Children may appear to enjoy doing what they want, but deep inside, rules give them a sense of stability. If you train them to adhere to these rules, they will do their best to follow, if only not to make you feel bad.

At the same time, things could happen, and mistakes are made. When it does, hold your anger. Instead, sit your child down and explain why they should follow what you say. Avoid the usual “because I said so.” There are reasons behind rules, and they have every right to know what those reasons are.

You need to be clear and consistent, says clinical psychologist Ben Martyn, Psy.D. “Be sure your children understand why these rules are being made and the consequences for breaking the rules.”

5. Be generous with the hugs

Happy or sad, a child will always love those hugs. They can be a comfort when things are not going too well, or provide a feeling of warmth and belonging at any time. As they grow a bit older, some seem embarrassed, but you know for sure that they take those hugs wherever they go.

“Every child has a special way of perceiving love,” writes Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively. Touch is one of the ways by which we can express love, especially for children or other persons whose primary language of love involves such physical contact.

“There are five ways children (indeed, all people) speak and understand emotional love. They are physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of service.”

This is particularly important during the younger years: “The ‘food’ for future emotional health is physical touch, kind words, and tender care,” Dr. Chapman writes.

It is true that parenthood does not come with a manual. But your natural instinct, along with advice from professional educators and childhood psychology experts can help you along the way to make your relationship with your young children a happy and healthy one.

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