5 Secrets of Happiness

Five simple exercises to change your world for the better starting now

“When you can no longer tell the difference between being yourself and being love, you are not far from waking up.” ― Eric Micha’el Leventhal

The secrets to happiness, an introduction

It took me a while to find my secret to happiness. I have observed it takes other people a while to find it also. Because one of the things that brings me happiness is being creative and bringing joy to others through my work, I am writing this to share my secrets with you.

If you are going to love others, you must first love yourself. When you love yourself, you are free from self-doubts and insecurities that limit your ability to both love you and others. When you can truly love yourself, you are free to go out into the world and love other people. You won’t be worried if love isn’t reciprocated, because you are already feeling love inside.

You know that feeling when you meet someone special who lights all of your fires and make you feel so energetic? I love that feeling. One secret is that you produce that feeling. It doesn’t come from the other person. They may awaken the feeling in you.

“Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.” ― Tina Fey, “Bossypants”

The love spirit lives inside of you

You may have forgotten that the love spirit lives inside of you. When you come across someone attractive and he or she smiles at you and you feel butterflies, your mind is creating that emotion. And, it is a great emotion. I love to feel that type of loving feeling.

I have found through practice that I can feel that way about myself. I used to look in the mirror and want to turn away. I also remember being anxious about looking people in the eye. I didn’t want to see myself. I also didn’t want others to see me.

I didn’t feel special. I felt like I didn’t fit in. I felt like everyone else was perfect. I felt like I was flawed. I didn’t feel like anyone would like me the way I am.

“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.” ― C. JoyBell C.

So, I hid for a long time. I didn’t like to look at myself. I didn’t like pictures. I felt uncomfortable if people were looking at me. I felt like I was being judged.

I am lovable

I realized after a while and through conscious effort to accept and love myself because I am lovable. I discovered in a 12-step group that I could look people in the eyes and tell them about me. I discovered that I wasn’t that much different than anyone else.

I found out that most people felt the same way I did. That’s why they tried to hide their feelings through drinking or other forms of escape.

Don’t believe marketers

Our society programs us to feel like we need something extra that has to be purchased to be loved or to feel special. “Buy this car and everyone will be impressed when you drive it,” commercials say. “Wear this makeup and you will be beautiful.”

The implied message that we so easily pick up subconsciously is that if we don’t have the fancy car, certain wear make up or buy whatever the sales people are hawking, we aren’t enough.

That is a function of our materialistic society. In order to continue to create profits, corporations have to get people to continuously buy their merchandise.

“If you learn to really sit with loneliness and embrace it for the gift that it is…an opportunity to get to know YOU, to learn how strong you really are, to depend on no one but YOU for your happiness…you will realize that a little loneliness goes a LONG way in creating a richer, deeper, more vibrant and colorful YOU.” ― Mandy Hale, “The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass”

The sales people talk about “pain points” to bring up to “motivate” people to buy a good or service. The sales person talks with a customer to find out where they feel “pain” and then promises to “relieve” the “pain” through whatever they are selling.

Commercials do this.

They’ll show someone with wrinkles, tell the viewer that people who have wrinkles are missing out on all the fun and love that wrinkle free people are having. Their solution to getting love and fun again? Slap on some moisturizer — the more expensive supposedly the better — then your world will change.

You will become a rock star with hundreds of fans wanting to sleep with you instantly. Or, if that isn’t your thing, you’ll become more intelligent immediately. Maybe, your boss will promote you because you look more youthful and energetic because of the magical formula and your money woes will disappear with your increased salary.

All the marketing hype is B.S.

“It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here.” ― James Baldwin, “Collected Essays: Notes of a Native Son / Nobody Knows My Name / The Fire Next Time / No Name in the Street / The Devil Finds Work / Other Essays”

Makeup, cars, special creams, fancy booze, expensive toys and anything else that you can buy won’t make you feel happy if you aren’t feeling happy. The novelty might provide some temporary excitement since new things increase dopamine. But, dopamine wears off. The new car loses its excitement after a month or two. The fancy cream is just another expense to put on the monthly budget. The expensive booze just limits how much extra money and time you have for other things.

I am an extroverted introvert

I am an extroverted introvert.

I love being around other people, but I also require my “me time” to recharge and to feel great. When the world was locked down, it was great because there wasn’t much pressure to put on any sort of show for other people. Even now, when many people are wearing masks, I noticed that it reduces the need for people to put on a lot of makeup.

I think a lot of people discovered that they could survive without all of the “extras” that merchandisers say that they needed in order to feel great. People discovered that they would survive going out with a mask. I saw people looking happier. It might have been because we’ve all gone through a shared trauma of having a pandemic strike us.

“We do not get to choose how we start out in life. We do not get to choose the day we are born or the family we are born into, what we are named at birth, what country we are born in, and we do not get to choose our ancestry. All these things are predetermined by a higher power. By the time you are old enough to start making decisions for yourself, a lot of things in your life are already in place. It’s important, therefore, that you focus on the future, the only thing that you can change.” ― Idowu Koyenikan, “Wealth for All: Living a Life of Success at the Edge of Your Ability”

I know people have rediscovered the power of love. Love for their families. Love for their friends. People reach out and connect with each other these days. The power of love that flows from the universe is circulating around us to comfort us during these times of stress.

Tap into the love floating in the universe

This is where self-love becomes so important.

When we tap into the love from the universe and decide to love ourselves, we are freed and open to love others. The beautiful thing about being self-loving is that it is extremely attractive to other people. Since I have started loving myself, I notice that other people are more attracted to me. The kinds of people I like being around and getting to know.

“Discovering the truth of who you are is the only way to love and care for yourself.” ― Vironika Tugaleva, “The Love Mindset: An Unconventional Guide to Healing and Happiness”

Before I felt better about myself, I tended to attract the wrong sorts of people for me. I joke that it is a magnet that draws in certain people. But, there is truth in that notion. Self-love shines out where other people can see it. It attracts the right types of people who are also loving. It also keeps “haters” away. That is a great thing.

Here are my five secrets to loving yourself

№1: Look at yourself in the mirror for a minute or two. When you are looking at yourself, tell yourself that you love you. Just keep repeating that mantra. “I love you.” Say it to yourself until it doesn’t seem strange and foreign. Sooner or later, you will believe it — because you do love yourself. You have my permission to say it, embrace it and live it.

№2: Replace negative thoughts with positive ones when you are thinking about yourself. Tell yourself that you are beautiful. Because you are beautiful. When you believe that, your beauty will radiate out from you and others will notice also. But, the greatest feeling is knowing yourself that you are beautiful. Just keep repeating that to yourself all the time, beautiful one.

№3: Notice the hidden messages in advertising, on YouTube and other media. I love watching make up videos, but I always look at the artists and think that they look fine without makeup. Their goal is to get you to buy certain cosmetics so that you don’t feel “naked.” But, you don’t need hundreds of dollars worth of makeup to be beautiful when it already lives inside of you. You’re beautiful the way you are right now.

You shine and radiate beauty without needing any special external modifications. Now, I am not against makeup and enjoy it, but I don’t feel bad without it either if I go out. I haven’t been out to a bar since the current state of affairs in the world, but even after things go back to normal, I will be okay just being natural. I know a lot of other people will also.

№4: Repeat “I love you” in the morning and in the evening several time to start and end your day the right way. You can create the same love feelings you have had for others — for yourself. Just keep saying it and soon you will feel the love. It is energizing and so special when you get to the point where you love yourself.

The great thing about self-love is that it motivates us to be the best that we can be. I know I had messages in the past that it was conceited to love myself and that I needed to sacrifice what I wanted and needed in order to do things that other people wanted me to do. I have learned to ignore those thoughts and messages.

№5: Ignore negative people. Don’t argue with them or try to change their minds. There are people who are naysayers and won’t like what you are doing because it threatens them in some way. Usually, it makes them realize that they aren’t loving themselves enough, so they will lash out or make comments to try to bring you down. I just ignore them.

Most people won’t be like this, but sometimes people who are close to you may say things without even realizing it that aren’t helpful. Just let those notions roll off of you and fall to the ground. You have the power of your destiny. They can make comments about whatever. You don’t have to accept them.

Don’t let anyone try to stop you from doing something that is the right thing for you and for your personal growth and development. You know what you want for your life. If you are loving yourself, you will do the right things for yourself to make sure you are leading your life to your fullest potential.

Keep loving yourself and you will change the world — starting with you and all those people around you.

It is an ultra powerful superpower.

Love you!

“It is only when we can look inside and learn to love deeply that which resembles uncut gravel within ourselves that we will be blessed to find it filled with diamonds.” ― Alice Nicholls

Chris Hedges, BA (journalism and political science), JD, is an editor at ILLUMINATION, The Bad Influence, and Red Curtain Erotica. You can learn more about me at Unicorn x29.co News and read some great stories submitted by awesome ILLUMINATION writers at Publisher’s Spotlight.