5 Rules for Being Great

Sports can be a metaphor for life. You don’t need to be an elite athlete to act like one.

“To have what few have, do what few do.” Robin Sharma.

Great athletes like Serena Williams, A’ja Wilson, Cristiano Ronaldo or great teams like UCLA, the Boston Celtics or Real Madrid share at least one thing: They have had, at some point, great coaches. Surrounding yourself well is the key to growth. I don’t know about you, but I can’t quite afford being coached by a Jose Mourinho, a Jill Ellis, a Patrick Mouratoglou, a Dawn Staley or a Doc Rivers. Plus, let’s be real, they would have no reason to do so. But these people are among the “few” mentioned by Sharma. They have a great deal to teach. Whether you’re into sports or not. So their rules for life shared in the mini-series “The Playbook: A coach’s rules for life”, are summarised here for you:

1) Be a leader, not a victim ruled by your emotions

“No victim mentality” is rule number 1 for Doc Rivers. Serena William’s coach tells us that we should not let emotions control us and the psychologist Walter Mischel concurs. His Marshmallow Experiment showed that “individuals with good self-control who can regulate their own emotions, are on a trajectory in which they will have more experience of success, which will make them more confident, self-assured and give them a sense they’re able to overcome all sorts of negative outcomes”. But that does not mean you should deny yourself the right to feel, as for the author of Descartes’ Mistake, Antonio Demasio, “we are not thinking machines that feel but feeling machines that think”.

2) Cultivate the virtue of patience

“What is delayed is not denied”. For Dawn Staley, this is a crucial rule of life. Failing today does not mean you will not succeed tomorrow; it means you gain experience and insight. Mandela said it well: “I never lose. I either win or learn”. Delayed gratification is something we are less and less used to experience. We get everything almost instantly. Fast is too often seen as the new good. However, the same Marshmallow experiment (mentioned in rule 1), demonstrated that being able to delay gratification allows us to plan better and overcome struggles more easily. Moreover, the likelihood of being successful in education and with peers is higher. Be patient, with yourself and others, but do not wait until things magically happen either, without doing anything. Investigate, learn, discover, practice. Practice over and over again until what you are practising becomes what you master.

3) Listen, understand and love

Ubuntu or “I am because we are”. Doc Rivers made this South African proverb his, when he understood the power of this philosophy. It made his team more united, and it helped them play as one entity rather than separate individuals. If “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” (Jim Rhon), then keep great people around you. Here are a few things to do just that: a) Truly listen to people. When you are preparing your witty play on words, your sarcastic comment or your strong counter-argument you are only half present to what the other person is saying, and also to what they could be teaching you. When you do speak, stay authentic and don’t be afraid of showing vulnerability, it helps people open up a bit more, and it creates a deeper connection. b) Show them you understand them. According to Leon F. Seltzer, clinical psychologist, we crave being understood more than most other feelings, as it gives us a sense of belonging, reinforces our sense of identity, makes us feel accepted, empowers us, helps understand ourselves better… And it worked wonders for Mouratoglou. c) Love them. For Jim Kwik, “People don’t care how much you know unless they know how much you care”. Use the languages of love (Gary Chapman, The 5 Languages of Love), show gratefulness, do things for others without waiting for something in return. You’ll get twice as much. Because what goes around comes around.

4) Take risks

Jill Ellis sees risks as an opportunity. And for Jose Mourinho, “the train does not stop twice.” We can stay in our comfort zone or be great; we don’t get to do both. We are the ones setting our limits through our belief systems. Believe you can do great things and you will. Be the Roger Banister of your own life and set new records. Do not be afraid of your own greatness. Be the river described by Khalil Gibran that eventually gives in and becomes the ocean. Set your goals and aim to reach them but do not forget to live the journey though. It is every bit as important, if not more, as reaching your destination.

5) Stay humble but be great

Dawn Staley set a 24-hour rule for her basketball team. If they win, they have 24 hours to rejoice. But then they need to go back to practice, ensure they do not become complacent but keep on learning. Great achievers do not rest on their laurels. Equally, they have 24 hours to “agonise” over their loss and then, it’s time to move forward, see what was not done right and rectify. Do not blame others for your failures, own them. If you see them as your responsibility, then you can do something about it. You have the power to make things change. Keep that power in your hands and make the necessary changes to become better and greater every day. With humility, nobody likes a bragger!

So, be a leader, be patient, listen, understand and love, take risks, stay humble, and you’ll be on your path to greatness. If you’re into basketball, tennis or football, if you want to hear the breakdown of their rules or if you simply want to have a good laugh listening to Mourinho, then watch the series “The Playbook: A Coach’s Rules for Life”. Oh… I almost forgot, but there’s one other rule, you’re already living by it though if you read this article: Always learn!