5 Ridiculous Things I Learned in March
“Take in Your Surroundings” Took on a Whole New Meaning Last Month
On March 1st, I decided to unplug myself for a while. I stepped away from social media, Medium, and just about anything that had to do with my keyboard. Why? I had some health concerns that needed to be addressed and to recenter myself. Overall, I adopted the approach of “Take in your surroundings.”
My primary focus of this mantra was to remain aware of the negative in my life and either 1) Find a healthy way to let them stay in my life, or 2) Cut it out like a nasty tumor.
Ridiculous Thing #1: I Learned a New Word
It sounds harmless, but I wish I did not learn this word. During my downtime, I got caught up on some movies on my “Want to Watch” list during my downtime. One of them included House of Gucci, and Jerad Leto’s character (Paolo Gucci) often said “Boof.”
Playing around, I started using it around the house and in the same manner as Paolo.
However, my dialogue took a strange turn on me. My husband started laughing uncontrollably out of the blue, “What did you say?”
“What? Is it my Italian accent? I’m working on it.”
“No,” he chuckles. “It’s the word you’re using. Do you know what it means?”
“‘Boof?’ It is the equivalent to ‘Oi Vey or calling someone a ‘schmuck.’ I think.”
Then he explained it…
boof (v.): to have anal sex with someone.
According to the all-knowing Urban Dictionary:
boof (v.): To abuse any licit or illicit substance via insertion into one’s rectum
Suddenly my new favorite word became my least favorite word. However, to maintain the upper hand, I asked Mr. Walker, “How the f*ck do you know this word?”
I’m still waiting for a response…
Ridiculous Thing #2: Farmville 3 is Amazing
I downloaded some gaming apps on my iPad. Apparently, I love the farm life in Farmville 3. In fact, I found myself thinking about what I would name my chickens.
So far, Albert Eggstein, Amelia Egghart, and BOOF are at the top of my list. I can only imagine my husband walking outside spreading chicken feed yelling for BOOF.
Ridiculous Thing #3: The Squirrel Soap Opera
I’m easily distracted; especially by squirrels.
Even in the morning — before I’d grab my alcohol-free beer — I’d grab my coffee, unfold my faded RV chair, prop my feet up as I wave at the neighbors in my bathrobe, and chillax. Soon after that, I’d start to watch the squirrels.
I started to name them.
So far, I have Tucker because he’s usually passed out behind my RV on top of a picnic table by lunch. Above my RV, there’s usually a squirrel fight 1–2 times a day between two who I named Karen and Sharon and have deduced that’s why Tucker is so tuckered out.
To my surprise, I’ve found an elusive all-white squirrel in my RV park and have named him Powder.
I’ve also got to know almost all of the dogs’ names in our RV park because I took up power-walking 2-to-3 laps every day. After day 28, I think I convinced everyone in the dog park that I simply love dogs, and I’m not going to kidnap them.
Ridiculous Thing #4: Fake Accents
Because I took some time to recenter myself, I’d had a lot of time on my hands and decided to practice “my accents.” So far, I think I have some British and Italian accents down. I’m also not bad at German and definitely got the lower-Alabama accent nailed and I’d like to think I could make a southern belle proud.
To practice my accent, I’ll sometimes break into one in public to “test it out.”
Sure enough, it worked because I was stopped at Walmart when an elderly man stopped to educate me on the purpose of owning a giant vat of peanut butter. He continued, “Your accent is lovely. I was prior military and spent a lot of time in Europe. Where are you from? Slovakia? Czech? Are you Polish?”
At this point, you could have knocked me over with a feather.
“Sir, I’m sorry, but my wife is only kidding.”
I smiled and shrugged, not trusting what might come out of my mouth.
His jaw dropped. “Well, you sure had me fooled!”
Maybe I have a future in voice acting?
Ridiculous Thing #5: Kettlebells
So, this one is not ridiculous. However, as a gymnast, ballet and tap dancer, and prior-aerial yogi, I would have never thought I’d take up kettlebells, but I’m glad I did! Not only did I tone up and discover new bumps and curves in my arms that I hadn’t seen in three decades, but I felt excellent.
Yes, there were a few moments when I nearly launched a kettlebell through my gym’s drywall, but I didn’t let that stop me. Now, I have back-straps (or whatever you call them) that could claim their own zip code.
Working out was a great way to keep me distracted and fed me some much-needed endorphins.
Overall, it feels great to be back at the keyboard! Although I took a hit on the number of followers I have, lost some subscribers, and probably went down the sh*tter of some made-up algorithm, it was worth it. I’m back refreshed, energized, focused, and with a clear head.
If you wonder if you need a break, you probably do. Otherwise, why are you asking the question?
Put yourself first because everything else can wait and will be there upon your return.
Originally published at https://crystalswritingroom.com on April 19, 2022.
