5 Reasons Why Your Independence Could Be Holding You Back in Your Relationship

At what point does independence become dangerous?

There is a lot of misconception about independence, especially for independent women. Women who provide for themselves get back slashed by society more than men who provide for themselves.

These women are regarded as manipulators, control freaks, and dangerously confident.

The common misconception people have when we say “she’s an independent woman” is that she is a feminist or that she is someone who doesn’t need a man in her life.

The problem with this misconception isn’t with independent women, it’s with society’s pre-existing outlooks about who women should be and act.

However, the goal of true independence is to find a healthy balance between being independent and dependent.

Too much dependence comes off as clingy and needy. Therefore being too independent can be just as unattractive and self-sabotaging.

Signs Your Independence Is Holding You Back on Love

As we grow, we grow from dependent — relying on our parents to independent- relying on ourselves.

But humans are social creatures. No one lives in a bubble. Even the most independent people, who built their own houses and made their money by themselves depend on people to run their businesses.

In other words, true independence is a facade. It’s been a passcode we combine too much with Western culture.

When someone promised to always be there for us and then disappear, we turn to independence as a safety net.

When our parents make us feel unworthy or ashamed for seeking their emotional support, we turn on our independence button.

When we get betrayed by someone we trust, we learn that we trust people or that people are not always going to be there when we need them.

You are self-absorbed

As much as I hate to admit it, being independent comes with a high level of selfishness.

You think about yourself, what you have to gain from connecting with people, and the impact your relationship has on your goal before anyone else.

If you are an independent woman, you focus on your goal, your ambition, and your happiness more than anything else and that can make your partner feel like a distraction.

You don’t fit into relationships

One study shows that men don’t like dating smart women despite stating otherwise in their dating profiles.

Men want women who are ambitious, but not too ambitious, smart but not smarter than them. It’s a balancing act that women are expected to perfect but it’s nearly impossible.

Unfortunately, independent women don’t bother to prove they are dating materials. They are more interested in their career and value every minute of their time to waste it on pursuing countless dead ends flings.

You always think of the worst in every situation

So a guy says he likes you. Instead of accepting his compliment as simple as it is, your mind is wondering why he said it, what is his game plan, what you will do if he ….(whatever your mind is fixated on).

Relationships are complicated but for an independent woman, the complication is over conceived. She wants every decision she makes to be perfect and right all the time.

Too bad life is made of perfection. And you are bound to slip and be fooled from time to time, not just once. So the dinner you accept that you can never avoid the inevitable, the better your chances of holding a relationship down.

You think asking for help makes you weak

Sometimes, I get overly confident with myself and fail at achieving a goal because I didn’t ask for help when I should have.

I have learned to do carpentry jobs when I need woodwork done. I fix my kitchen sink and bathroom faucet when they are faulty. Sometimes I change my car oil and the oil filter myself when I’m bored and alone.

Sure, I could easily call one of my male friends or hire people to do these jobs, but I see it as being weak, so I do them to prove I’m not.

Asking for help isn’t a weakness and because you are too confident, you believe you can do everything on your own.

But that will only put a strain on your relationship. Your partner will feel useless when you don’t ask for their help from time to time.

You trust no one but yourself

I can’t remember how many times I have turned down dates simply because the guy showed one or two red flags.

“Did he just call me a bitch?” He’s out. “He says I look like his high school ex.” That’s a red flag. “He’s probably still into his high school sweetheart and will try to turn me into her.”

If you think an independent woman is crazy. You are probably right. We are too crazy to not give someone the benefit of a doubt. Our lessons from the past keep popping up to remind us how we got fooled before.

When you’ve been independent for so long, it can be difficult to change your mindset to accommodate others.

But if we really want to change the world, we can’t do it alone. We weren’t meant to exist alone.

We are tribal beings. Our destiny involves people. We shouldn’t shut people out. We need each other to peacefully coexist.

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