Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

Abstract

idered or solidified your own preferences and desires because, deep down, you knew someone else would tell you what to do? Why go through the effort of self-reflection and self-discovery if you can just listen to what others tell you to do?But I’m here to tell you: the self-reflection is important, and it’s time to consider that maybe you’re being lazy. It sounds like a lot of effort, and sometimes it is: deciding what you want to do with your career, for example, requires a lot of thought. But you owe it to yourself to shake off other people’s opinions when it comes to the things that matter. Even if that starts with picking where you all go out for drinks tonight.<h1 id="84ba">3. Is it your life if you never make decisions for yourself?</h1>Admittedly, this is a little extreme, and it may not apply to everyone. But, I do think more of us are at risk of this situation than we think.Aside from being a good person, you first need to be a person. What makes us a person? In part, having your own thoughts, desires, and passions and acting on them is what makes you human. We are simply vessels for the contents in our brains.Let’s go back to the previous example: your education, career, location, hobbies, etc. are essentially decided for you by other people. Because you’re lazy and you suck, as I also mentioned earlier (Kidding! Do some self-reflection, though. Maybe you do).This paints a picture of a life where you have essentially, made little to no significant choices for yourself. What happens when we let other people make so many choices for us? Can you even call that life your own?So, if you’re reading this article thinking about how to make yourself a better person, start by working on being a person first.<h1 id="0a2e">4. It does a disservice to your relationships</h1>Continually not voicing your opinions in key relationships in your life will likely have a negative impact later on.When you consistently keep quiet and never voice your dissent with people, they can start to make decisions for you. Likely, they aren’t even doing this to control you, but they take charge because:<ul><li>They think you need them to make choices for you</li><li>They think you want them to make choices for you</li><li>They are under the (fair) impression that you’ll voice your opinion if they decide something for you that you don’t want</li></ul>When you suppress your opinions and just blindly follow, you reinforce one or all of these beliefs. Inevitably, it’s likely you’ll start to resent or dislike people who make decisions for you because they may make choices for you that you don’t want or like — but they have no idea.It’s very similar to the idea of: “I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what’s wrong! I don’t even know what I’m apologizing for”, but one level dee

Options

per, because the other person doesn’t even know something’s wrong.Your passivity closes the opportunity to express genuine dissent and potentially have very meaningful conversations with the people who care about you. Arguments are healthy parts of good relationships (in moderation). People with a healthy amount of disagreements are closer and probably know each other better than those who don’t.That being said: stand up for yourself with people you care about, for the sake of your relationship with them. People who love you want to know what you want, and denying them that opportunity significantly limits the potential depth of your relationship.<h1 id="3cf6">5. It makes you boring</h1>This one may seem minor, but it can play a significant role in your relationships and how you’re perceived by others.At some level, avoiding conflict means not discussing things you don’t like, but also can mean you’re not talking about things you do like. Additionally, as discussed earlier, it can mean that you haven’t done the work to understand your desires, passions, and interests. That, all around, makes one incredibly dull person.How do we describe people we know? Oftentimes, through a combination of all of those things. Oh, yeah, that’s Tom — he loves biking and pizza. He’s obsessed with coding, which is why he works at that tech startup. Don’t mention the Celtics though; he HATES that team.But how would someone describe you? You would never say that you don’t like pizza, because Tom likes it, and you would never want him to not suggest that to the group because of your preference. You’re actually pretty great at tennis, but you would never suggest that as a group activity, because what if your friends don’t like tennis? And you’re in finance because…your dad told you it would be a good, stable job. So…would people just describe you the way they talk about missing persons? Height, weight, eye color, and the last thing they saw you wearing?You deserve better than that.I do want to hedge a little: you shouldn’t be confrontational all the time. Like with everything in life, it’s crucial to strike a balance. Your opinion isn’t so valuable that it supersedes everyone else’s all the time. It shouldn’t always feel like your way or the highway. You also need to pick your battles — not every disagreement is worth having.However, you are a human being with thoughts, needs, and rights, just like everyone else — no matter how much you try to blend into the wallpaper. I think, oftentimes, excessively non-confrontational behavior stems from a lack of self-confidence. But let me assure you: your opinions, beliefs, and desires are inherently just as valuable as anyone else’s. Also, as outlined here, you’re doing yourself and others a huge disservice by not voicing them.</article></body>

5 Reasons Why Not Standing Up For Yourself Makes You A Bad Person

If this title stressed you out, then this article is for you.

1. You teach people how to treat others

Our interactions with other people are constant social corrections and teaching opportunities. Every time you socialize with another person, you’re teaching them how they can treat you and how they can treat other people.

For example, say your boss constantly talks over you in meetings. You’re trying to make a great point, but it’s as if you’re not even talking. All the time.

To you, it may just seem like a small transgression. Happens to people every day, and you’re not one to make a fuss about such little things.

Except, he doesn’t just do it to you. You hire someone new on the team, and he does it to her too. Is this guy just an asshole? Maybe. But he’s also acting within the confines of his experience; maybe he’s genuinely never noticed he does that. Or maybe he knows, but he thinks he can do it because no one ever seems to mind.

That’s where you come in. You not only have a responsibility to yourself, but also to other people that interact with him, to call him out on this behavior. For some of you, even that prospect makes you a little sweaty (and that’s okay). But, imagine this: you tell your boss this behavior is frustrating, he stops doing it to you and to everyone else, and he doesn’t exhibit this behavior to others in the future. Having an open discussion about the impact of his behavior will not only benefit yourself, but potentially countless others.

In this way, avoiding confrontation can almost be considered selfish — you’re prioritizing your own comfort over the potential negative impact of someone’s behavior on many other people.

2. It’s lazy

That one sounds mean, but it’s true. Constantly avoiding conflict is inherently lazy, because eventually, you’ll realize that you rarely ever have to make decisions for yourself. This “passive” persona is a cop-out for making the hard decisions — even if you didn’t consciously mean for it to be.

That can’t be you, can it? Well, maybe. Think about situations like these:

You went to the school your parents wanted you to, and you’re also on the career path they wanted you to be on
You moved to the city your boyfriend wanted to go to after college
You spend your weekends doing things your friends like, waiting for them to decide which restaurants you go to and what activities you do

Again, these decisions, in isolation, can probably be justified. Often, you justify them by saying: “well, I didn’t have a strong preference otherwise, so I just went along with what they wanted!”. But, is it the case that you never even considered or solidified your own preferences and desires because, deep down, you knew someone else would tell you what to do? Why go through the effort of self-reflection and self-discovery if you can just listen to what others tell you to do?

But I’m here to tell you: the self-reflection is important, and it’s time to consider that maybe you’re being lazy. It sounds like a lot of effort, and sometimes it is: deciding what you want to do with your career, for example, requires a lot of thought. But you owe it to yourself to shake off other people’s opinions when it comes to the things that matter. Even if that starts with picking where you all go out for drinks tonight.

3. Is it your life if you never make decisions for yourself?

Admittedly, this is a little extreme, and it may not apply to everyone. But, I do think more of us are at risk of this situation than we think.

Aside from being a good person, you first need to be a person. What makes us a person? In part, having your own thoughts, desires, and passions and acting on them is what makes you human. We are simply vessels for the contents in our brains.

Let’s go back to the previous example: your education, career, location, hobbies, etc. are essentially decided for you by other people. Because you’re lazy and you suck, as I also mentioned earlier (Kidding! Do some self-reflection, though. Maybe you do).

This paints a picture of a life where you have essentially, made little to no significant choices for yourself. What happens when we let other people make so many choices for us? Can you even call that life your own?

So, if you’re reading this article thinking about how to make yourself a better person, start by working on being a person first.

4. It does a disservice to your relationships

Continually not voicing your opinions in key relationships in your life will likely have a negative impact later on.

When you consistently keep quiet and never voice your dissent with people, they can start to make decisions for you. Likely, they aren’t even doing this to control you, but they take charge because:

They think you need them to make choices for you
They think you want them to make choices for you
They are under the (fair) impression that you’ll voice your opinion if they decide something for you that you don’t want

When you suppress your opinions and just blindly follow, you reinforce one or all of these beliefs. Inevitably, it’s likely you’ll start to resent or dislike people who make decisions for you because they may make choices for you that you don’t want or like — but they have no idea.

It’s very similar to the idea of: “I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what’s wrong! I don’t even know what I’m apologizing for”, but one level deeper, because the other person doesn’t even know something’s wrong.

Your passivity closes the opportunity to express genuine dissent and potentially have very meaningful conversations with the people who care about you. Arguments are healthy parts of good relationships (in moderation). People with a healthy amount of disagreements are closer and probably know each other better than those who don’t.

That being said: stand up for yourself with people you care about, for the sake of your relationship with them. People who love you want to know what you want, and denying them that opportunity significantly limits the potential depth of your relationship.

5. It makes you boring

This one may seem minor, but it can play a significant role in your relationships and how you’re perceived by others.

At some level, avoiding conflict means not discussing things you don’t like, but also can mean you’re not talking about things you do like. Additionally, as discussed earlier, it can mean that you haven’t done the work to understand your desires, passions, and interests. That, all around, makes one incredibly dull person.

How do we describe people we know? Oftentimes, through a combination of all of those things. Oh, yeah, that’s Tom — he loves biking and pizza. He’s obsessed with coding, which is why he works at that tech startup. Don’t mention the Celtics though; he HATES that team.

But how would someone describe you? You would never say that you don’t like pizza, because Tom likes it, and you would never want him to not suggest that to the group because of your preference. You’re actually pretty great at tennis, but you would never suggest that as a group activity, because what if your friends don’t like tennis? And you’re in finance because…your dad told you it would be a good, stable job. So…would people just describe you the way they talk about missing persons? Height, weight, eye color, and the last thing they saw you wearing?

You deserve better than that.

I do want to hedge a little: you shouldn’t be confrontational all the time. Like with everything in life, it’s crucial to strike a balance. Your opinion isn’t so valuable that it supersedes everyone else’s all the time. It shouldn’t always feel like your way or the highway. You also need to pick your battles — not every disagreement is worth having.

However, you are a human being with thoughts, needs, and rights, just like everyone else — no matter how much you try to blend into the wallpaper. I think, oftentimes, excessively non-confrontational behavior stems from a lack of self-confidence. But let me assure you: your opinions, beliefs, and desires are inherently just as valuable as anyone else’s. Also, as outlined here, you’re doing yourself and others a huge disservice by not voicing them.