5 Reasons Why It’s Crucial That You Learn to Be Alone
It’s the only way to reach our full potential.
That’s one of the reasons I’m thankful that I moved alone 500 miles away from my loved ones when I was 16. It taught me how to be alone. And it’s one of the greatest and most useful skills one can master.
Being alone is our default mode. With few exceptions, we are born alone, and we die alone. In the meantime, we will meet tons of people and spend a lot of time with them. But at the end of the day, we’re always alone with ourselves. It’s just you, your mind, body, and soul.
Being alone is hard. It means that you have to deal with your thoughts. It means finding solutions to your problems by yourself. It means that you have to decide for yourself, so you are fully responsible for the choices you make. This is a much more active state than being accompanied as when you’re around people, you can just go with the flow.
So why learn to cope with this more difficult state when you could spend your whole life accompanied? Here are 5 reasons why it is essential to learn to be alone.
#1: No one will — and can — stay by your side forever.
People are individuals before they are groups. That means they make choices for themselves and go their own way. Whatever they say, their self-interest will — and should — come first. I’m not advising to be egocentric or to hurt others. What I’m saying is that if you want to survive this life and be a successful person, you have to learn to fight for your own interests and follow your own path, at least most of the time.
People come and go in your life. Some stay longer than others. Others leave and come back later.
But very few people will stay the whole time. And absolutely no one can stay from the very beginning to the very end. It’s hard, but it’s called death.
Which means there’s only one person you’ll have by your side all the time: yourself.
#2: Constantly waiting for others will slow you down in your development.
Each person is unique. Each person has their passions, interests, aspirations, and dreams. If each person has a unique path, then you cannot follow it as a group.
Constantly waiting for other people to do things with you will slow down your development, because everyone has their path to follow.
Certainly, you can ask for help, share part of someone’s path, and so on. But this is an exception. Our default mode is to be alone and to follow our path alone.
More literally, if you want to go hiking to take pictures for one of your projects, you can ask friends to go hiking with you. There are several issues to consider. Depending on each person’s schedule, you may have to wait until next week to do the hike, which will slow down your progress. Also, you won’t be able to concentrate fully on your craft because you’ll have someone with you. Finally, you won’t be able to stay as long as you want or go as high as you would like to because you’ll have to consider someone else’s needs and desires.
Life is an individual adventure. You are unique. If you want to be totally in tune with yourself, you have to do your things alone most of the time.
#3: You need time alone to get to know yourself.
I’m a paradox. When I spend too much time alone, I get bored. But when I spend too much time doing things with people, I quickly feel the need to spend more time alone.
I know I need to spend a lot of time alone. I need it to rest and regain social energy, I need it to work on my projects and make progress in my professional life, I need it to think about things in general and to know where I’m going and how.
Being alone is an excellent mirror for looking at yourself. Observe how you react. Observe the things you do. Observe the thoughts that come into your mind.
You absolutely need to spend time alone to get to know yourself, to reflect on yourself and your life, to find out what you want to do and who you are. It’s like incubation for self-reflection. Without a little time alone, you can’t properly reflect on your path.
#4: You’re the only one you can trust 100%.
I bet you’ve been disappointed in someone before. Several people, even. They probably didn’t mean to hurt you. But they did it anyway.
It has to do with the fact that people are individuals, as we said before. Sometimes going your way is indivisible from hurting someone’s feelings. Let’s take an example: you are in a romantic relationship, but that relationship no longer meets your needs. If you want to continue to grow and flourish, you need to leave the relationship. Even if it hurts your partner.
If you rely on people too much, you will be disappointed. Learn to put some distance between people and your feelings. In the end, you are the only one you can trust 100% and who will meet your needs 100%.
#5: It gives you self-confidence.
It’s hard to be alone. But when you discover that you’re stronger than you think, that you can handle your problems like a boss without help from anyone, and that you’re smart enough to manage your life and make your own choices, it’s really rewarding.
Discovering that you are an independent human being gives you infinite freedom. Suddenly, you are no longer dependent on others to achieve your goals and dreams. You discover that you can do whatever you want, on your own.
One of the greatest experiences I’ve ever had was traveling alone. When I was 19 years old, I flew alone from Paris, where I lived, to Hong Kong, and spent a week walking, dining out alone, and taking pictures. It was an incredible feeling of freedom and independence, and it gave me a lot more self-confidence.
There is no other way to learn to be alone than by forcing yourself to be alone. If you’re not comfortable with it, you can get used to it little by little. Spend a few hours alone, then slowly move on to half a day, a full day, and then a few days.
You can also take a trip to another city in your country alone, for a few days for instance.
I’m sure you’ll find out that being alone is very empowering. It is the only moment when you can devote yourself entirely to your own needs and desires.
Give it a try. You have nothing to lose, everything to gain.