Dating | Relationships | Single Parents

5 Reasons Why I Won’t Date Someone Who Has Kids

You may get mad at me, but here are reasons I would never date a girl who had kids.

Just so there is no confusion, I don’t have kids. I was never given the opportunity, or the pleasure, of doing so.

Do I like kids? Absolutely I do! I have no issues with kids. Also, when you’re single and a few years go by, you start finding more and more other single people you would like to date who have kids. So, kids are just part of the equation.

I’ve dated the single moms. Most of them were incredible women, and I could never do what they did. But, I wasn’t there to date the kids. I was there to date them. Yes, I know, I can hear it now, moms all over the world are saying, “It’s a package deal. If you want me, you have to want my kids too.”

I understand this, and I did it. As I stated, I have dated single moms. More times than not, I had the “if you had kids, you would understand” line mentioned in the conversation. It was almost like a slap in the face saying I’m not good enough to have kids.

So, I decided to take that whole dynamic out of the equation and wouldn’t go out with ladies who had kids. Then, I started getting questioned by people who had kids as to why I wouldn’t go out with others who had kids.

I was told, “you’re not dating the kids; you’re dating the person.” Huh? I thought it was a package deal. Talk about confusing!

I was being looked at like the bad guy no matter which way it went.

So, as I talked with other single people who did not have kids, both men and women mind you, I heard a lot of the same reasons. So I started compiling a list of these reasons why we wouldn’t date someone with kids.

I know people will look at this list and think I’m a horrible person for feeling this way, but I’ll promise you there are people, men and women, all over the planet, who think the same way. A lot of them won’t vocalize it because it may offend someone else.

So, let me ask you this….would you prefer the person you’re dating to be honest and up front or lie about it?

These reasons may seem petty to you, but to others, they are a big deal. These reasons are not a reflection on anyone. They are not intended to be negative towards anyone. They are what they are.

These are not gender-specific, but I just used me for example purposes.

So, in no particular order, here ya go…..

I’m Selfish.

I would always put the lady first, and I would expect her to do the same for me. Yes, I’m selfish. I want to put the focus on her, and I want her to put the focus on me. You can call me vain all you want, and that’s your choice. But if I treat a lady I’m in a relationship with as a queen, shouldn’t I expect to be treated like a king? Maybe that analogy isn’t the best, but you get what I’m saying.

I Don’t Want To Be a Shuttle Service.

Kids need rides all the time. They seem to be always going somewhere, I get it. But when I have to stop what I’m doing to pick up a kid who didn’t make prior arrangements, that’s aggravating. The kid has two feet. He can walk places, can’t he? I don’t want to sound like the “get off my lawn” guy, but my friends and I had no issue walking 2–3 miles to get someplace. It was just part of life.

I Don’t Want To Be In a Position Where I Feel I HAVE To Be There.

I get it. Kids are kids; they have activities. Parents want to see activities their kids are in, but I don’t. They are not my kids. I don’t want to sit through two hours of an event I’m not interested in to see a kid do something for 3 minutes. I get it, mom is proud of her kid, and she should be. Again, why should I be there?

Cannot Be Spontaneous.

If I wanted to treat my girl to a surprise, I couldn’t do it because we have to always do stuff around the kid’s schedule. If I have something planned out, something which I know my girlfriend would love, and then have to cancel because something came up with the kid, that’s understandable. But, if it happens again and again, then it becomes irritating and not good for the relationship.

Have To Hold My Tongue.

No matter what happens, I would not be the father, which I understand. With that, also comes the fact that I cannot discipline the kid in any way. No, I’m not talking about spanking or beating. I’m talking more on the Authoritarian Dad type of thing. You know what I’m talking about.

The kid always has the “You can’t talk to me like that. You’re not my dad” thing he can fall back on. When that card is played, the relationship between the mother and me has now taken a turn. If I raise my voice to the kid, the mother may take offense. If I don’t, she may think I’m not a real man. So, the only other option would be to hold my tongue. If I have to hold my tongue and have to walk on eggshells, what good is that for a relationship?

I’m sure there are wonderful single parents out there who would be awesome to date, and we could hit it off and live happily ever after. I also understand dating doesn’t always go as planned.

But if you’re thinking I’m a bad person because of how I approach this situation, I would ask you why do you think that way? Why do you judge me by me wanting what I want? If you judge me, I could judge, proclaiming that you’re jealous, couldn’t I?

Sure, I may have rustled some feathers with this story, and if I did, maybe we weren’t meant to be together, to begin with.