5 Reasons Why I Haven’t Killed Myself Yet

#1 YOLO

Let’s cut to the chase. This story is not about me — it’s about you, your neighbor, coworker, teacher, mother, accountant. It’s about people.

Every single one of us gets stupid ideas sometimes. Some of us get an idea that leeches onto us and makes us uncomfortable — that is to end one’s existence. Not all ideas are worth acting on.

Even though I must agree with you that life is kind of pointless and there might be no deeper meaning, I still believe that life is worth living. You might not mean anything in this universe but in your tiny world, you’re the central figure. This world revolves around you.

Sometimes this world is shit. You don’t like yourself and everything that surrounds you. You feel worthless. You can’t find pleasure in day-to-day life. You don’t see any beauty, you feel trapped, isolated, lost, lonely, and… And life is still worth living. Let me tell you why.

1. YOLO

You only live once is usually used to justify reckless behavior. In my book, it means something completely different.

You have one shot in existence. One and only. We’re not talking about past lives or afterlives. There is only one reality that you live consciously. You can’t remember anything that happened before you were born. There’s a huge chance it’s the same after you die.

This is your only opportunity to experience life. It would be such a shame to waste it.

If there is something that makes your existence unbearable, there is always a different solution than to end it.

I’ve watched some crime documentaries recently. I was astonished by some motives for murders. People kill other people for revenge, people get rid of their lovers, their toxic parents, unwanted children, or pets.

In every mentioned situation, murder isn’t the only solution. Heck, murder is never a solution. One can always distance themselves from a situation, a person, or a place without a need to destroy it.

Killing should never be an option. Either it’s killing someone else or yourself.

YOLO means you should live and build a life you want, play the life, try new things not taking anything too seriously. Going with the flow, going against it, swimming, floating, diving, splashing; doing anything that stops you from drowning.

Once you drown, there is only nothingness. Why hurry?

2. I haven’t seen the mountains yet

Ah yes, the simple pleasures in life — exploring the world around you, experiencing the joy of discovery. We live on a beautiful planet — the most beautiful we’ve ever been to. Yet.

I have a subscription to this planet and I’m going to see as much of it as possible. It’s not necessary to travel far, there’s a lot to explore in a pile of rocks in your backyard.

I’ve been by the sea, I've been on a little island, I’ve been to beautiful forests, I’ve seen a snake, I’ve touched a frog, I’ve fed a pig, I’ve been stung by a bee, I have seen lightning, I’ve looked down from a cliff, I’ve planted a tree, I’ve caught a fish with my bare hands…

I’ve done so much already but it’s way less than 0,000001% of what you can see and do on this planet.

I still haven’t seen the mountains, I’ve never swum naked in a lake, I haven’t pet a lamb, I’ve never picked blueberries in a forest, I’ve never seen a bison, I’ve never been to another continent, I’ve never seen a comet, I haven’t slept under the stars…

There’s so much I haven't seen on Earth yet. And that’s all nature. How about different cultures, people, food? A hundred years is not enough to experience everything. I only have 40 years left at best. And it’s not promised.

I don’t think it’s fair to leave this world before it’s necessary. I want to use all the perks of living on planet Earth. Don’t you?

3. I haven’t read all the books I wanted to

Living on a beautiful planet is not the only perk of existence. Just look at the amount of knowledge and ideas surrounding us.

For thousands of years, people have been living vastly different lives. We use the wisdom from our ancestors, we have technologies that make our lives easier than ever.

There’s so much to understand, so much to read. There are different philosophies, science, fiction, poetry. How the hell can I just wave off to that?

There are libraries filled with words from smart, creative people. Some of those thoughts are thousands of years old. And they are still relevant today.

Books are a different reality, the different lives and thoughts we can experience in our existence. I’m not the smartest, but I can read. I can consume the thoughts of smart people and become smarter myself. I can be inspired by the thoughts I read, and become more creative.

There are so many thoughts I haven’t thought of myself. I need to know what others are thinking. What if I’m missing out?

There’s not enough time in a lifetime to read all the books you’d like to read. Also, there are so many books not written yet. I’m curious to see what they’d be about.

And what about the movies? I haven’t seen so many great movies yet. I haven’t heard my favorite song. I’m glad I still have time.

4. I’m curious about the future

As humanity, we are doomed. We’ve made too many mistakes to fix everything now. With global warming, overconsumption, conspiracy theorists, various diseases, and all the disasters that are still to come, our future is blurry.

However.

I’m so incredibly curious to see what happens next. What new technologies can intrude our everyday life? What solutions to what problems can we create? What new challenges will humanity face? Can we reach a point where a regular person can visit space?

I’m also curious how can I contribute to helping the environment, better the people around me, and make my existence less useless.

Heck, I’m also curious about the lives of my acquaintances. Will any of my classmates become millionaires? How many children is my little brother going to have? What kind of turns will my life take?

I’m a nosy person. I’m interested and I need to know. How will I know if I’m not living?

5. The world is better with me in it

Not to sound cocky, but I’m a great person. In a grand scheme of things, I am a piece of dust but some people value my existence and there are ways to create more value as I live.

There’s no need to discover the 119th element of the periodic table to be important. A simple good word to a stranger, helping an elder to carry their groceries, calling your mom, taking a beautiful photograph of nature, smiling at a child, or planting a tree is just as important.

Your little nice actions could be vital for someone.

There must be mistakes that you’ve made and you’d like to correct them. You have all the time to do it as long as you’re alive. Maybe you’ve wronged someone, maybe you feel like what you’ve done is inexcusable but it can’t be your excuse to leave.

You can change, fix your mistakes, apologize, care. The world won’t be any better without you in it. It can only improve if you stay and do better.

If you feel like you want to end your existence — sleep. You’ll get to the state close to not living but you’ll be able to wake up. And when you wake up, you can try again. Watch a movie, read a book, swim in a river, create a never-ending bucket list, and just out of curiosity — live.

There is always a way out. Choose a way that lets you come back.