5 Quotes That Will Help You Get Over A Breakup
2) “Nothing everybody ultimately does is because of you.”
Will I ever be able to move on? Will I ever find another love like the one we shared? Will I ever forget the sound of his voice, the smell of his perfume, and the memories we created together?
Will the tears ever stop falling? Will the simple thought of him ever stop hurting? Will I ever get used to his absence? And if he doesn’t, why would anyone else love me?
I know the swirl of irrational thoughts that a breakup can trigger.
We can’t help but think that the separation marks the end of our world. That the pain will never ease and that we won’t be able to continue to navigate life without the person we thought was our forever.
We convince ourselves that life has no meaning without the latter and finding a reason to keep moving forward therefore becomes an insurmountable struggle. Would I also dare to say that if breakups have the same effect on you that they have on me, you’d rather let yourself die than having to deal with grief?
Fortunately, the answer to all the questions in the introduction is yes. Yes, you’ll forget. Yes, it will get better. And yes, you will move on and eventually heal.
Ha! If only we were able to accept at an earlier stage that it is our own thought and cope process that does more harm to us than the breakup in itself.
You know, when Charles R. Swindoll said that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it, he didn’t say that just to sound poetic; he was right.
In my 25 years of existence, I’ve had my fair share of heartbreaks. As a matter of fact, as I’m writing this, I’m going through a terrible breakup myself, and I’m not afraid to admit that just like you, every ounce of my being hurt.
But it could’ve been worse. Luckily for me, a breakup or two ago, I was fortunate enough to make a divine discovery that changed the way I felt towards breakups.
One day, as I was watching videos on YouTube, I stumbled across a TEDTalk led by Chidera Eggerue, a British Nigerian blogger and author, on releasing the fear of being alone. Saying that her words had the effect of a slap in the face would be an understatement. Twenty minutes and an unexpected therapy session later, I ordered her book What A Time To Be Alone: The Slumflower’s Guide To Why You Are Already Enough.
Thanks to the latter, breakups have become easier to deal with. This book has become my little guide on how to navigate the loss of someone you love from a place of grace, tolerance, and acceptance.
When it happens that my morale is at its lowest and my faith fades away, I read my favorite passages of the book and remind myself that no matter what life throws at me, I am enough and it will all work out for me in the end.
If you’re currently experiencing a breakup, these 5 quotes from Eggerue’s book will help you get over it.
“The sooner we stop pretending to be immune to feelings that scare us, the sooner life will begin to make sense.”
Oftentimes, strong people have this weird tendency to prevent themselves from feeling and going through the pain that surrounds them. They think that rejecting the suffering will protect them and help them move on quicker. But a wound cannot heal if it isn’t given proper treatment.
Adopting this behavior only keeps the suffering away from you, but it doesn’t make it disappear.
No matter where you go, it will keep finding you for the pain that you’re being inflicted with can only fade away if you embrace it. It can only fade away if it teaches the lessons that it’s come to teach you.
Life’s series of unfortunate events can only make sense if you open yourself to stand in the moment, feel, and learn.
Stop fearing to be vulnerable.
“Nothing anybody ultimately does is because of you.”
I used to think that my ex-fiancé was cheating on me because I wasn't pretty or desirable enough. I also thought that the guy I’m currently hurting over left me because I did something wrong.
Every time a relationship ends and I’m not the one who terminates it, somehow I can’t help but think that it’s my fault. That I am the problem. The truth is, you, me, we’re not responsible for other people’s actions. Nor are we responsible for the way they feel.
We all have inner demons we’re trying to fight that nobody knows about. Fears that we’re trying to overcome, traumas that we’re trying to heal from. Toxic habits that we’re working so hard on changing.
All of which can make us emotionally unavailable; incapable of either giving to or receiving from someone else. Perhaps both, actually. And sometimes, we don’t realize that we are it until we start dating. Until we commit to a relationship.
I hate to say it because I believe that as the person who stays, we deserve an explanation, but believe them when they tell you “it’s not you, it’s me.”
“You’re allowed to outgrow people and people are allowed to outgrow you.”
I still remember how attacked my ego felt by this part of the book. Yet, I see absolutely no lies hiding in there.
We feel free to exit people’s lives without giving them an apology. The reason is we do what feels best for us, whenever it feels best for us. Yet, as soon as someone decides to leave us for their own good, it automatically becomes a big deal.
And we end up shamelessly painting that person as a monster for putting us through hell.
My question here is why?
Why wouldn’t someone we love be allowed to detach from us if that’s what they want? Why wouldn’t we give permission to someone we love to move on to better things; the things they need and deserve which we may not even be able to offer?
At the end of the day, isn’t it what love is all about? Wanting the best for each other, even when it does not include us? Isn’t love supposed to be kind, genuine…selfless?
“Anytime you find yourself in an environment that dilutes your self-esteem, picture four-year-old you and try your best to be her hero.”
If I had to pick one major lesson that this book taught me, it’d be how to reconnect with my inner child.
When I experienced my first breakup when I was 18 years old, I spent all my time looking after my then 1-year-old goddaughter. To this day, I’m convinced that she’s the main reason I’m still alive today.
Spending time around her, rediscovering the joys and wonders of life with her, being able to be there for her when she needed me, making her feel loved and protected…
Caring for a child is by far the strongest medicine I’ve been prescribed to battle depression.
Fast forward to today, 7 years later, she’s grown and unfortunately, I cannot rely on her to help me bounce back this time. That said, I still have four-year-old me.
We tend to forget, but there’s still a child inside of each and every one of us.
A child that needs to be cared for. A child that doesn’t want us to suffer. That looks up to us and counts on us to make the best out of the life we were given. A child whose innocence is still intact, who still dreams and believes in dragons and fairies.
Be there for that child. Pour into him. Pour into you.
“What’s mine won’t miss me.”
I chose to conclude this article with this quote simply because it speaks for itself.
There isn’t much I could add to it that would make it more impactful than it already is besides stressing the fact that it all works for a greater good.
Be okay with the fact that rare are the people that are meant to make it to every season of your life.
I know we all wish that we could’ve kept some people with us forever, but trust that God and the Universe are moving and removing from your life in your favor.
What is yours, will not miss you.