5 Questions to Stop Asking to Ex-Pats if You Still Want to Be Friends With

I know it seems I am living the dream but I am living my life at home

Do you like the food? How is the weather up there?

OK. I get you are curious about why I am living in Canada, what am I doing here and how I afford to live in one of the most expensive regions in North America.

What I can’t understand is why you think you have the right to know about my personal life.

Please note:

• If you and I share a family bond that doesn't give you the right to stay up to date about my life. Please avoid gossiping, and assuming about my decisions.
• If you and I are friends for a long time ago but we haven’t hung out recently, you better stay with your doubts.
• If you and I are close friends, you already know my situation because I must have told you about it in our casual conversations.

Hi, This is Gladys Carmina. I Am a Mexican Ex-Pat Living in Vancouver

Everything you need to know is that love brought me here.

I know how it seems from the outside.

You see me, a young woman who is living the dream to live overseas. That is what you see on Instagram because I highlight nice moments of my life but you don’t know what happens backstage.

Living abroad is about missing so much one’s culture and family. Not being able to get to the family home by driving. Being far from home is nostalgic from the places, the moments and the memories you are missing there. Living abroad is to acknowledge that special people are not here to enjoy places, moments and memories with you.

I know the curiosity you may feel because probably you want to achieve the same: living overseas, travel the world and meet international friends.

Yes, everything seems to be fantastic until you get there. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my decisions. I am enjoying every step I make towards my partner.

Living abroad is not a luxury for me but the result of several circumstances and a wish I made eleven years ago.

Living abroad is living. There is nothing different from living at home because when moving overseas you are moving to a new home.

I am in Vancouver for a while now and this is home. As well as Mexico is home.

Expat living could be challenging because we have to deal with issues and situations that may not be under our control, for example, immigration procedures. We also have to learn everything from scratch:

• How to use the public transport
• Where to get the groceries
• And learn how to live in another language

I decided to write these 5 most common questions I get from the people I know in real life. Although what makes me uncomfortable is not the question itself; but how this innocent question is addressed to me and what are people’s intentions.

For example:

Do You Miss Your Family? — I Am Sure You Do

For me, this is a sensitive question to ask.

Especially if we don’t have a close bond. You don’t know my state of mind and how emotional I am at that exact moment.

Dear friend, yes I miss my family, my friends, my lovely poodle Nina and I even miss my mom’s Chihuahua which I haven’t met yet. I miss my neighbourhood and I miss being aware of everything that is happening around me.

Even though I miss my whole background I try not to think about it, otherwise, I get nostalgic and I cry.

So please, don’t ask if I miss my family because I think the answer is obvious. Who wouldn’t miss their people and their culture?

What’s Your Job There? Do You Have a Job?

This is the most common question the people I know whats to get from me.

It is an innocent and common question. However some people ask this to judge, and I can always notice their aim when they address to me.

For example, I had this friend who just asked, got information and then ghosted me. She just wanted to know. Didn’t even asked me how I was, or get interested in having a conversation.

Some people get straight to the point to get the information like:

Hi, what’s your job there?

I appreciate that you are worried about me but you better be thoughtful about the questions you ask, our relationship bond and the words you use.

For the first instance, you should know that migration procedures take time. So I may not have a proper job for a longish time. No, you don’t have the right to make an opinion of what you should do if you were me.

Secondly, having a job in an office or in a big enterprise is not everyone's pipedream. At least it is not for me.

If you want to know what I am working on right now: I am working on making my dreams come true. I am succeeding in my writing business.

When Are You Going to Come Back Home?

This is an awkward question because people don’t get satisfied with my most honest answer: — I don’t know.

Home is here, home is also there. Home is wherever I am with my family and my family has now expanded.

Also when you are trying to settle down in another land there is not a specific date for “going back”.

Sometimes going back is not an option as migration can turn weird and for some period you are not allowed to leave the country or whatever. But this is what most people don’t understand because they haven’t been through this kind of procedure.

How is Your Vacation Going?

Travelling is not the same as moving overseas.

For you, on the other side may seem like I am travelling but I am not.

• I am living my life
• I am trying to establish down in another land
• And I am getting used to this new land and culture.

Everything is new to me that is why you see nice and curious pictures on Instagram. But I am not travelling, I am discovering my new home.

So you Are Getting Married?

Oh lá, lá. I hate this one.

Sadly, this question has been asked to my parents 10 times more than to me. Why people don’t get the courage to ask personal questions directly to me. They already know this is not a polite question to ask.

No, fam. I am not getting married anytime soon. But I don’t have to give explanations to you. Nor my family.

In Mexican culture, dads would aspire daughters to leave home once married.

I skipped this part and I will not say that I disappointed my dad or my family because they told me the contrary.

When I told my close cousins about my plan: moving overseas with my partner, one of them asked me: “What do you think your dad is going to say?” She was kinda skeptical and afraid of the upcoming situation because of these cultural values and traditions.

I gave her my answer of what my dad could probably say but I can’t believe it was exactly the same my dad told me when he accepted I was going to move overseas.

He said:

I have encouraged you to travel, to explore and discover the world. It would be illogical that before knowing other worlds, I keept you here. You gotta go.

Can’t believe how hard my whole family would be to see me go living abroad.

What I am trying to tell you is that whatever you know as ‘correct’ or what should be done is not a universal lifestyle. Here in Canada, there are a lot of unmarried families.

We should acknowledge there are different styles of living and doing things. Not bad or good, just different.

I Would Like to Hear From You, Ex-Pat Fam.

I have noticed that sometimes is easier to connect with other ex-pats because we are all crossing through the same situation: being homesick, trying to fit into the social life and make friends.

Let me know your experiences with establishing down. Is there anyone who has moved to Mexico?