5 Questions to Ask Yourself That Will Reshape Your Mind
Ask yourself these and your life will change.
Sometimes, a question is far more powerful than a statement.
Instead of telling you what to do, it forces you to stop and think—like a koan. And when done correctly, it can lead to new ways of thinking and, even better, new ways of being.
Here are five questions I regularly ask myself that will force you to take an honest look at yourself and gain clarity and self-awareness.
The more you ask them, the more they will improve your life.
“Am I in denial?”
This question shatters your world.
Rather than thinking everyone else is wrong, it forces you to consider —even for a millisecond— that it could be you who is wrong, not anyone else.
“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool.”
— Richard Feynman
What we resist the most is usually what’s most true. The reason why is that we are terrified to see the truth — and as a result, uncover our blindspots, deepest flaws, or misguided beliefs that might be plaguing our lives at this very second.
Ultimately, you might not be in denial, but at least you’re becoming self-aware first. Then, you can take action knowing that it’s coming from a place of honesty and composure.
The result? Better solutions, happier relationships, less drama, and better mental health and peace of mind.
“Am I projecting?”
This question will do wonders for your friendships and relationships.
Projection is something we’re all guilty of, yet we’re almost always oblivious about it.
“…it implies that those things which most disturb us in other people are really unrecognized aspects of ourselves. This idea is usually met with resentful, bitter opposition. Yet, as Freud pointed out, violent denial is the very mark of projection; that is, if we didn’t deny it, we wouldn’t be projecting! The fact remains, however, that “it takes one to know one,” and our carping criticisms of other people are really nothing but unrecognized bits of autobiography. If you want to know what a person is really like, listen to what he says about other people.” [emphasis added]
— Ken Wilber
When I’m upset at someone, the first thing I (try to) think is, “Am I just projecting my own frustrations on this person?”
That allows me to make sure whatever I want to say or do comes from a grounded place, not just me throwing my shadow onto everyone else.
“Would I still do it if I couldn’t tell anyone?”
After I moved to Europe, I asked myself a question that changed my entire mindset:
“Would I still travel if no one knew?”
In other words, if I could never tell a single soul about my experiences and if I could never take a single picture, would I still do it?
I created this question because I wanted to be sure that my motivations were correct. I wanted to make sure I was NOT motivated by approval, validation, praise, what I think I “should be doing,” etc., but instead, by something deep inside.
The truth is many people only do things to get validation and approval. Starting a company. Building a muscular body. Buying a certain watch. Writing a social media post. Dating a certain person. Having a certain amount of money. You name it.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with those things.
I’m saying you need to understand the motivation behind it.
Because, if you never take the time to scrape the surface and look underneath, you’ll just do a bunch of things and wonder why you never feel fulfilled.
“What would Future Me do?”
I got this idea from Dr. Benjamin Hardy. When faced with a problem, question, or decision, I don’t assess the pros and cons—I simply ask what my future self would do?
It’s far better to think about who you want to be, what you want to accomplish, where you want to go, etc.—and simply work backward.
Many people are focused on being “true to themselves” or “finding themselves,” but the truth is our personalities are constantly changing, especially if you’re constantly improving yourself. (Heck, if, today, I got everything that I wanted 5 years ago, I’d probably get rid of 90% of it.)
“Instead of being consistent with who you’ve been, be consistent with who you want to be.”
— Benjamin Hardy, Ph.D.
That way, you’ll always be moving toward where you want to go.
You’ll always be making congruent actions—actions that are consistent with your goals and values.
“Why do I feel so emotional?”
Sometimes, things happen that irritate us—it’s normal.
But sometimes, it really “triggers” us and it lasts longer, feels stronger, and cuts deeper.
In those moments, it’s helpful to be curious and always ourselves in a non-judgemental way, “Why do I feel so strongly about what just happened?”
Maybe a small event touched something inside of me that I needed to address. Flawed beliefs. Traumas. Past failures that I’ve never truly “gotten over.” Bitter memories.
Or maybe they did something bad, which, at first glance, I didn’t even notice. For example, maybe they were actually being rude, but it was unnoticeable. (These are sometimes called “micro-aggressions.”)
Once I thought about it, I can uncover the real cause of my strong emotions and why I was feeling so “triggered.”
By understanding this mental pattern, I can learn how to overcome it so it no longer controls me like it did before.
I can be free of it and live a more optimal life.
And that is what I'm wishing for you.
Hopefully, these questions can help you in your journey.
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