5 Questions My Danish Husband Gets Asked the Most in America
And the answers he gives
My painfully shy husband moved from Denmark, a tiny European country known for its high happiness levels, gender equality, and unprecedented work-life balance, to the U.S. three years ago.
Since then, he got asked a lot of questions, but some of them he hears almost every week. To lighten up the winter mood, here are some of them.
1. How do you like America?
One of the more common ways to start a conversation with my husband is to ask him how much he likes America. He smiles politely and responds with something like:
“It’s… interesting.”
And what better way to sum up this weird country of ours than “it’s interesting”?
On a bad day, he will admit:
“It’s… stressful.”
Because stressful it is.
The last three years have produced more paperwork and needless appointments than the two last decades of our lives combined. With immigration, COVID, and the birth of a third child (all within a year of his arrival), my husband received a crash course in American bureaucracy and a bitter welcome to the system that was breaking down.
Coming from a country known for its high standards of living, moving to the States felt like going back in time.
My husband is not sold on the American dream, but there is something else that attracts him to our country — it’s the notion that anything is possible and everything is entirely up to you, for better or worse.
It’s the vastness of American nature and the vastness of spirit that fascinates those coming from rigid and tiny European countries.
2. Why on Earth would you move to America?
When talking to those who are more straight-forward, my husband will often be greeted with:
“Why on Earth would you move here?” or “Why would you leave Denmark?”
Because everyone suspects there’s a story behind moving to the U.S. in your 40s. And they’re right. Yet it’s not a story my husband is quick to share.
So “We needed a change” is his go-to response and it usually does the job.
3. Do you eat Danishes?
My husband gets this one a lot.
He forces a smile and politely explains that there are no “Danishes” in Denmark, but that his home country is indeed home to some of the best pastries in the world (or, simply, the best, in his opinion). According to my husband, it’s the amount of butter that makes them so delicious.
“A good pastry would have butter dripping from it,” he explains.
And then a blow:
“Low-fat-obsessed America stands no chance when it comes to baking,” my husband concludes.
For the taste of real Danish pastries, we head to a Dane-owned bakery in Culver City, CA, or the Danish-themed town of Solvang, CA, and never to a local supermarket.
This usually answers all of the baking-related questions.
4. Are you from Amsterdam?
Perhaps, the biggest misconception when it comes to my Danish husband is that he’s Dutch.
“Are you from Amsterdam?” or “I’ve been to Amsterdam!” always gets him blushing, as if it was his fault to be born in one of Europe’s tiniest countries.
“I’m actually from Copenhagen,” he answers and never ever corrects the speaker.
When the mistake is caught, my husband apologizes with:
“Sorry, it’s so confusing!”
The whole thing is painful to watch. We’re still working on a way to answer the question without making another person feel silly.
And we blame it on the Dutch. Seriously, why do “Holland,” “Netherlands,” and “Dutch” all sound different?
5. So when are you leaving?
When all other topics are exhausted, there comes a punchline:
“So when are you going back?”
As if still not understanding why my husband came to the U.S. in the first place. But the answer to this question is as complicated as the reasons we’ve arrived here.
Yet the longer we stay the more it starts to feel like home.
And there’s a compliment my husband gets a lot.
Your English is very good!
As a fellow immigrant, I noticed that Americans love to complement newcomers’ language skills. Even after twenty years of living and studying in America, I still get told that my English is very good. I never know what to say other than, “Thanks?”
My husband is no exception.
The truth is Danes are some of the best non-native English speakers in the world and almost everyone I met in Copenhagen spoke it perfectly.
Yet these days, my husband complains that he speaks “parent English,” as most of his conversations are with or about kids.
All in all, I noticed that my shy husband is getting better at talking to people since he arrived in the U.S.
Unlike reserved Danes, Americans will talk to anyone about anything, so one has no choice but to adjust.It was, however, the lack of judgment from locals that made my husband open up more.
We in America may be not the most sophisticated bunch, but we are not judgmental, either.
Check out my weekly newsletter: Danish Secrets to a Happier Life (In the U.S.)