5 Phenomenal Habits I Regret Not Starting Way Sooner
Level up your confidence, mental health, dating life, and social skills
You are your habits. Period.
While cultivating excellent habits will propel your life to the skies, bad ones will pull you into the depths of Tartarus.
“We first make our habits, then our habits make us.”
— John Dryden
But I don’t want to rehash the same “Wake up early. Workout. Journal.” cliches that the gazillions of articles on the internet do.
I’ll share 5 specific little-talked about habits — they have revolutionized my charisma, mental state, social interactions, and the proverbial “luck with the ladies.”
I regret not starting these forever ago — hope you won’t regret the same.
Making This Person My Mental Point of Origin
You’re the only person you can be 100% certain exists — as Descartes said, “I think therefore I am”.
Everyone and everything else could be “your” simulation. As solipsistic as it sounds, it’s the bitter truth — you’ll have to live your own life.
But far too many of us let other people’s whims dictate our lives.
“What will my family say?”, “What will society think?”, “My friends will ridicule me for this.” and “My girlfriend will be offended.”
None of that matters a single whit. “Why do I want to do this?” and “How will this affect me and my life?” are the only questions that do.
This doesn’t mean you become a selfish standoffish prick that treats people like trash.
It means you prioritize your own goals, needs, and time while being considerate of others.
It’s enlightened self-interest. You give a f*ck about yourself and your life first. Then, you can afford to give f*cks about your friends, family, and others.
Make yourself your mental point of origin — Not your wife. Not your kids. Not your mother.
Abstaining from This Poison
The moment puberty’s slap turns innocent little boys into horny young men, this poison enters the picture.
One google search and a vast Ultra-HD free library of naked women catering to every imaginable fetish.
Not until years later does the damage visibly materialize.
Porn makes you objectify women — they become sexual “prizes” you need to “attain”. It also reduces your drive to seek real-world action.
Why bother going through the effort of seeking real-world intimacy when you can devour unlimited sexy pixels from your couch?
Sexual frustration combined with ramping porn consumption becomes a hellish spiral. Writ this large on the world and you get simps, incels, and communities like MGTOW.
The worst part of it all? Porn floods your brain with so much dopamine that your drive to achieve things hits rock bottom.
“Keep a man’s balls empty and stomach full. Then watch as his life flies out of the window.”
— Anonymous
This is where NoFap comes in — a mission to help men quit porn, abstain from masturbation, and revolutionize their lives.
You will fail multiple times.
It took me 150+ grisly relapses to get to my present point — where porn and masturbation are afterthoughts.
The only way forward is slow and steady progress. If you’ve been going at it 3 times a day, cut it down to once. Then every alternate day. Then once a week.
Soon, you’ll be pulling fortnightly and monthly streaks.
NoFap is just a means, not an end — use it as fuel to workout, meditate, chase goals, approach real-life women, and overhaul your entire life.
The Only Cliche on This List
With alarming anxiety and depression statistics, the world has never needed meditation more.
Yes, it’s a cliche, but for good reason — with studies and brain scans finding actual physical brain changes, meditation’s no longer a “spiritual gimmick”.
It’s a superpower any human can tap into — all by silently sitting alone for a few minutes every day.
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone,”
— Blaise Pascal
Thanks to my mother’s sweet genes, I’m a reservoir of bustling anxiety—but regular meditation has unlocked a level of control over it.
When negative emotions bubble up, I can choose to turn them off. If I feel insomnia creeping up, a brief session of meditation beats it back into oblivion.
Start with a minute. Then 2. Soon 5 will be possible. Then 10 and so on. Soon, as with my friend Shivendra Misra, even 2 hours at a stretch won’t be impossible!
Wielding My Inner Dialogue the Right Way
You are exactly who and what you tell yourself you are. Read that again.
It took tons of books, introspection, and life experiences to internalize this truth.
“The body achieves what the mind believes”
— Napoleon Hill
Our bodies are goal-seeking servomechanisms — a homing missile that, once fired, keeps chasing the target set by the mind.
Similar to how negative feedback helps the missile course correct, failures and adversity are signs to help us course-correct — but we view them as obstructions to success!
When you vividly visualize something and repeat it to yourself, you trick your brain into believing it’s true.
Self-conviction turns into thoughts. Thoughts morph into actions — and actions translate to solid results.
What kind of person do you want to be?
How does your dream life look? What do you want to achieve?
Why do you want to achieve that?
Tweak your inner dialogue accordingly — every affirmation and enabling belief steers the direction of the missile of your life.
Skinny Dipping Outside My Comfort Zone
While I started working out at 16, I didn’t dive into self-improvement until a year ago.
The beauty of self-improvement is that results come blazingly fast. If you’ve been average for 18 years, you’d expect 18 years of personal growth to offset it.
But a year or two is enough. It’s a 1:10 multiplier.
One serious month of self-improvement beats a year and one year beats a decade.
The hardest part is getting started. Being creatures of familiarity, deliberately stepping outside our comfort zones seems like a monumental ordeal.
Relying on sheer willpower? That can and will fire backward. Here’s a better way:
- List out all your fears. From the fear of being mocked in a gym as a skinny beginner to jumping out of a 13,000 ft plane.
- Sort them in the ascending order of discomfort. From slight discomfort to heart-thrumming fear, rank the items.
- Pick the first one and do it. Show up at the gym. Get in your first workout. Except for a prick or two, most will offer to help. Come home and pat yourself on the back.
- Then pick the next one. Getting out of your comfort zone is a skill that needs practice. I couldn’t have made my first cold approach without ever stepping foot in a gym. And I couldn’t have stepped foot in a gym if I hadn’t overcome my stuttering.
After a while, nervousness turns into excitement. Be it joining a Toastmasters club, trying out boxing, or approaching a stranger in a group, you’ll crave uncomfortable things.
Self-improvement is the most addictive thing out there. Try it and you’ll see for yourself.