5 of the Simplest Yet Most Essential Marriage Tips
That I want my newly married son to know
My son and his fiancé had a beautiful backyard wedding a few nights ago at their home in Arizona. They originally planned to have a big wedding with lots of family and friends in a few months. But, with traveling basically on shut down right now, they decided to throw an intimate backyard wedding with local family.
Luckily, those of us in other states were able to be a part of it through Facebook Rooms.
Just Starting Out
I am excited for them and their new life together. As someone who has been married for almost 30 years (with lots of ups and downs of course), I want to share some advice with them that I wish I knew when I was first married.
1. Laugh Together — A LOT
Life is full of all kinds of stressors, big and small. Work, family, debt, and now everything going on with the Coronavirus. All of it can wear a person down if encountered on a daily basis.
Being able to come home to that one person that can make you laugh and forget the day’s troubles can be a mental lifesaver.
Laughter is the best medicine — Bennet Cerf
Spend some time talking about some of the lighter, funnier things that happened to you or that you noticed throughout the day. Discover comedy shows you like to watch together or funny podcasts you can listen to together while cooking dinner.
Anything that can lighten yours and your spouse’s mood after a stressful day will benefit you both in the long run.
2. Pick Up Each Other’s Slack
In today’s modern world, most married couples are both employed outside of the home. Having a full-time job, plus a home and family to take care of, can get overwhelming.
Learning to help each other out around the house without bitching and complaining is a must! Notice some dirty dishes in the sink? Take a minute to toss them in the dishwasher or wash them up quickly and put them away. See a load of laundry in the dryer? Grab them, fold them, and put them away.
The most important aspect of this advice though is this: Do Not Bitch and Complain About Doing It!
You’re both tired. You’re both overwrought with work issues. The kids are cranky. Money is tight. The check engine light keeps flashing on your car.
Whatever the situation is, just remember that you’re both in this together. Getting upset with each other over unfinished house chores is pointless and only makes things worse. Help each other out by picking up each other’s slack and support each other’s efforts.
3. Spend Time Together
Everyone knows that it is important to carve out some time to spend with each other. Have a weekly or monthly date night. This advice is spouted all over the Internet, all the time.
So why am I repeating it?
Because saying it and doing it are two totally different things! Even those with the best intentions notice that time slips away faster than the blink of an eye.
There is your full-time job. There are chores at home that seem never-ending. Then there are the children and school and homework, and after-school activities. The list goes on and on . . .
I know this from experience. The first ten years of my marriage flew by with maybe 4 or 5 date nights total. We did family vacations and fun stuff together with the kids, but not very often did we go out just the two of us.
So, make sure you actually do the whole “date-night” thing. Dinner and a movie. Get some drinks and talk up a storm. Go walk along the beach (or whatever is near you). Go sit in your car and watch the stars twinkle in the sky! Just do something to get that quality one-on-one time with each other. It makes a world of difference in the long run.
4. Spend Time Apart
This advice may sound the opposite of what I mentioned above, but it’s really not. As important as it is for a couple to spend some quality time together, it is just as important for each individual to have their alone time as well.
My best friend from high school and I have kept in contact for almost 40 years. Our birthdays are 6 months apart, so twice a year we spend a whole day together celebrating the birthday and catching up on everything.
Having this day to spend alone with my friend is always such a pick-me-up kind of day. I come home relaxed and content. And that kind of mood is always good for a marriage!
Maintaining your individuality in a marriage is incredibly important. You obviously fell in love with the individual that your partner is, so don’t try to stifle that just because you are a married couple now.
I’ve known a few people who basically lose their identity and become only this person’s spouse. There’s a fine line to walk with being a spouse and holding on to your own identity. Support each other as you walk this line together.
5. Support Each Other’s Beliefs and Ideas
This is a big one. As you grow together and have a family together, you will find that you have varying ideas on different things. There are big things, like religious beliefs and family traditions. And there are smaller things, like bedtimes for the kids. Things that most people don’t discuss before marriage because they don’t know it will be an issue farther down along the road.
Everyone is raised differently, and everyone brings their own expectations on how things should be done to their marriage and family.
Instead of arguing about which way to do something, sit down and talk about it with open ears. Try to understand your partner’s point of view. Be willing to compromise.
Holidays can be a stressful time for newly married couples. You may feel that the traditions you hold dear are being replaced. Again, try to understand your partner’s point of view. Share your past family holiday traditions with each other. Chose some ideas from both, or come up with your own traditions that you want to share with your children.
The point is, respect each other’s ideas, points of view, beliefs, everything. Discuss everything with an open mind and heart. Even if there are some things that you may never see eye-to-eye on, still respect your partner’s viewpoint.
It will make a world of difference to your marriage!
My wish to my son and his new wife, and to every married couple in the world today — may you have a life full of love and laughter! Enjoy each other and the time you have together in this crazy world. And most importantly, hug each other every single day!
