5 Non-Romantic Signs You’re In A Healthy Relationship
Read these and take a hard look your relationship.
Establishing a healthy relationship is definitely easier said than done.
I used to believe having a healthy and happy relationship meant gifts, a lot of date nights, cuddles, and being overly annoying with cute kissing selfies #couplegoals, but in reality, it’s a little bit of that, and a whole lot more.
It’s the simple things that create a foundation for a healthy relationship. Such as establishing boundaries, expressing your needs and wants without judgment, loving one another selflessly, and always putting forth effort.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now; our relationship is happier and stronger than ever. And when my girlfriends who are now getting into relationships ask me what they should look for in a healthy relationship, I tell them the following.
You communicate clearly.
Communication is sexy. It’s a huge sign of a healthy relationship because when you can openly express your wants and needs, it’ll help you connect and resolve conflicts that come your way.
My boyfriend and I struggled a lot with communication when we first started dating. I’m someone who needs to tackle the issue right away. I also have a short fuse which means — I shouldn’t tackle the issue right away. I should probably take a breather.
My partner, on the other hand, shuts down. He’ll sweep things under the rug, and if we go to bed angry, he doesn’t want to revisit the conversation the following morning. He’d rather forget all about it. Meanwhile, I’m on the other side of the bed — fuming.
After three years of dating, we’ve gotten into the habit of doing the following things.
- If angry, take a step back from the situation and come back when calm to resolve the issue. But, the issue has to be resolved. Nobody is going to bed angry.
- Let one individual say what they need to say without being interrupted. Then let the other individual go. Listen to understand, not to respond.
Communication is hard for everybody, especially when you first start dating someone. It’ll take time and effort to figure out what works best for the two of you.
A 2018 review of 15 studies says couples are more satisfied in their relationships when they use communication skills like making constructive statements and clarifying the other person’s meaning to ensure misunderstandings don’t happen.
You feel independent from your partner.
When you see yourself as an individual, it’s easier to identify your own wants and needs in life. This doesn’t mean you and your partner aren’t a team; it just means you each have your own interests and hobbies that are separate from your relationship.
It’s all about finding balance. You don’t want to become codependent.
Not only do you lose your sense of self, but when the relationship ultimately comes to an end (and it always does when you’re codependent), it’s a lot harder to move on because you’re dependent on the other individual.
When my ex and I broke up, moving on was extremely difficult. Not because I wanted him back, but because basic things like going to coffee shops, going grocery shopping alone, etc., felt hard.
I’d gotten so used to sharing everything with that individual that I lost my sense of independence, and getting it back was challenging.
My now-boyfriend and I live together, and while we do almost everything together, we don’t get upset or angry when one of us wants to do our own thing. He’ll go to the gym with his buddies; I’ll go to happy hour with my friends.
We do life together, but we also do life individually.
You appreciate one another.
Studies show appreciating your partner is one of the strongest predictors of whether or not couples feel satisfied in a relationship.
This is because appreciating your partner and the things they do for you can help the both of you feel loved and satisfied.
My partner and I make it a priority to always show our appreciation for one another by doing the little things. For instance, when we wake up in the morning, I always make him his coffee to-go just how he likes it — black with two stevias.
When I spend the whole day cleaning the apartment or doing multiple loads of laundry, he takes the car in for a wash. It’s the little things that make the relationship that much more special.
When you invest so much into a relationship, it feels good to get acknowledged for your efforts. Make appreciating your partner a priority to keep the spark alive.
You have disagreements.
Conflict doesn’t mean your relationship is over.
Not having any conflicts doesn’t mean your relationship is healthy.
If you never have a single disagreement with your partner, this could be a sign that you’re ignoring your problems, or you simply don’t care enough. Which could inevitably lead to resentments or bigger disagreements down the line.
Having disagreements doesn’t mean you’re not right for each other. If you constantly agreed on every single little thing, your relationship would be boring, and neither of you would grow.
Growing up I remember thinking my partner and I would never fight, we’d love all the same things and we’d always be happy as clams. Now — I love having a difference in opinion with my partner. I love learning, and I love seeing a new and fresh perspective.
Cyndi Darnell, a sex and relationship therapist says,
“You cannot be in agreement with your partner on everything 100 percent of the time.”
As long as your arguments stay respectful, they’ll help you learn more about yourself, your partner, and the relationship.
You spend some time apart.
Alone time is healthy. You need time to decompress and have physical and emotional space to yourself.
I’m a huge introvert, and my partner is the opposite. At first, this was something we struggled with — I needed space to breathe, and at times he felt like I was trying to get away from him.
Doing things that make you happy without your significant other can ultimately make you a better partner too. For instance, I love going to the beach and reading for hours (5 or 6 if I’m being honest. I’m okay with turning into a crouton). My partner gets tired after 1–2 hours.
If I get to do what I want (lounge all afternoon in the blistering heat), I’ve just done something that makes me happy and is a huge form of self-care for me.
This not only makes me happy, but my relationship will benefit from it because I’m not forcing my partner to give up his precious time to do something he has zero interest in. Both parties are happy.
Spending time away from your partner isn’t a sign the relationship is struggling, it’s actually a sign that you’re prioritizing yourself and the relationship.
So take time to do things that make you feel good. You and your relationship will be better for it.
There are many signs that show whether your relationship is healthy or not; these are just a few of the top choices that I’ve always utilized to help determine whether I’m in a relationship that is serving me.
Being able to openly communicate your needs, resolving conflicts effectively, taking time apart, being independent, and having a life outside of your relationship are all vital factors.
